How do (or did) you deal with kid tantrums?
By The Horse
@TheHorse (238306)
Walnut Creek, California
May 22, 2019 11:24am CST
As I've mentioned in previous posts, I am currently doing some work at a preschool where several of the teachers are way too strict with the children.
To me, they seem more like police than developmentally sensitive attachment figures, but I don't see it as my place to say anything. I try to model good teaching, and that's it.
Yesterday, a 4-year-old who is prone to tantrums "fell out" on the floor because we had run out of crackers. The head teacher, on of the strict ones, said something like "Get up! And stop crying!" Of course, it didn't work.
I said, "When you're done being mad and sad, come back and let's solve the problem. I think there are still croutons in the salad." He lay there for about 15 seconds, came back to the table, and had salad with croutons.
All I did was "witness his emotions" and suggest a possible solution. Three- and four-year-olds are still learning to regulate their emotions and respond appropriately to frustration. Our job is to help them learn those skills, not get angry at them.
How do (or did) you respond to tantrums in your parenting, teaching, or grand-parenting days? Do you think I'm too "lenient"?
13 people like this
11 responses
@1creekgirl (44560)
• United States
22 May 19
I think you're being wise. Our daughter loved to throw tantrums, screaming and kicking on the floor. I don't remember exactly how we handled it, but when she was about 4, she decided to try it again. I took one look at her, laughed and walked away. She never threw another one. Well, when I told this story to her husband, he looked at me and said, "She still does."
4 people like this
@andriaperry (118793)
• Anniston, Alabama
22 May 19
I did that before too! Makes the kid so mad.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (238306)
• Walnut Creek, California
22 May 19
Heh heh. Once I had a girlfriend who was rather..."frugal"...and a tad selfish with her possessions. At her parents house, I said, "I bet her first word was 'mine!'" Her parents looked at each other and laughed. I think I was right.
3 people like this
@TheHorse (238306)
• Walnut Creek, California
22 May 19
@andriaperry Way better than yelling at them. They WANT a reaction. And their way, of course.
2 people like this
@wolfgirl569 (135744)
• Marion, Ohio
22 May 19
It depended on why they were throwing a fit. My youngest was a hard headed child and always willing to push the limits. One day he tried a screaming rolling thrashing fit in the store when I told him no to something. I fell in the floor and joined him. 
That stopped those. My oldest was one you could talk to and did not throw too many.
That stopped those. My oldest was one you could talk to and did not throw too many.3 people like this
@wolfgirl569 (135744)
• Marion, Ohio
23 May 19
@TheHorse That was a great compliment that he gave you. My poor son never threw a fit in public again after that. He was only 4 or 5 at the time. He would still pout. He was also the one that I had to keep a hold of. I could tell him time to move and if he was looking at something he would be zoned out. I went around the end one time and then just waited while watching around the corner. When he finally looked for me I couldnt help laughing. I shouldnt have as he was very scared but I couldnt help it. That one worked also. Some kids just need to learn for themselves.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (238306)
• Walnut Creek, California
23 May 19
I had a kid client of about nine do that in a Target store when I wouldn't buy him a certain shiny object. He started rolling on the floor, screaming, "Child kidnapper! Help!" The people just walked by with curious looks on their faces. I just stood and watched until he was done. Heh. I wish I had tried your approach. But he is one of the kids who at one point said, with resignation in his voice, "I wish you were my real dad."
3 people like this
@andriaperry (118793)
• Anniston, Alabama
23 May 19
@TheHorse The one I talked to about money, he told me he wished I was his mom.
2 people like this
@LadyDuck (502466)
• Italy
23 May 19
@TheHorse My parents never screamed, they were strict, but calm and always polite. The parents of my father lived with us and they had health problems, mom had no time to "spoil" children. I think that many kids know that being jerks pay most of the time.
1 person likes this
@crazyhorseladycx (39503)
• United States
22 May 19
brilliant solution! yer correct, wee ones aint the skill set to know what to do with disappointments 'n other hiccups'n life. 'tis our job, 's adults, to teach 'em those skills so's they've got 'em'n their toolboxes. too many adults lack these tools 'emselves sadly....
when one yells 't someone ('f any age), such jest escalates the situtation'n does nothin' else but lead to more dysfunction.
3 people like this
@Mulidi (1991)
• Cruz Bay, Virgin Islands (U.S.)
22 May 19
I think you handle it well. My daughter use to knock herself with her toys and throw them away and screem I just wait until she cool down and talk to her but sometimes I laugh to her and the moment when I start to laughing she will stop whatever she's doing and look at me those kids want some attention sometimes
those kids want some attention sometimes2 people like this
@scarlet_woman (23463)
• United States
25 May 19
i hand them back to their parents and leave.
aaaaah i like being childless.
@dodo19 (48156)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
22 May 19
I think you're doing the right thing. We all have emotions and we should help kids understand their emotions. Screaming at them definitely won't help. Although there are times, when I can't help but laugh when my son has a tantrum. Doesn't always help the situation, but sometimes it's hard not too. Either way, it is just better to talk to them about it.
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
23 May 19
I think your approach is a great one! Most of the time they are just frustrated and not sure how in the world to handle all of the emotion they are feeling.
I usually do about the same thing, the power of suggestion and distraction are amazing solutions!! =)
@Fleura (35022)
• United Kingdom
23 May 19
No I think you have the right approach. I would explain the situation, offer alternatives and then leave them to think it over. If they didn't stop screaming at that point I would just ignore them and leave them to it for a bit.
People tell me I have lovely children so I must be doing something right, and we hardly ever have rows. I remember being shouted at a lot of the time as a child. I can understand (now) that my Mum found me very frustrating and probably didn't know how to deal with me so I don't blame her for it, but it did make me resolve to avoid that sort of situation!
