How do you pick your friends?

July 30, 2019 4:32pm CST
While walking my dog in my new neighborhood I started chatting with a man sitting on his beautiful front porch facing the bay. He was about my age, retired senior military now working for the pentagon. Very fit, married over 30 years like us, has a son the same age as our youngest daughter (23). They had renovated their house, which is what we are doing. I was thinking, maybe these folks could be our new friends, which we were actively seeking. He said he would love for my husband and I to meet his wife, so I knew he was thinking the same thing. I felt excited, he seemed really nice. So, I asked the question that I knew would seal the deal, “Are you a Trump supporter?” He said, “Oh, God yes, He’s my hero.” I almost fainted. I was shocked to hear him say “hero.” Was he kidding? He was not. I instantly saw him through a different lens: racist, misogynist, fear mongerer. I said, “Oh, we are not supporters, this isn’t going to work.” And he said, “No, I guess not.” I think he was as disappointed in me as I was in him. He turned back to his porch and I continued my dog walking feeling sick to my stomach, literally. When I posted this on Facebook, some people (trump supporters) chastised me for judging people on their political views. I replied with... We all judge by some criteria. Our brains are on auto pilot for judging situations and people; it's a survival instinct. Prefrontal cortex should override many snap judgements, but it's effortful, and many people don't know that their gut instinct is often wrong. Our criteria, when seeking out couple friends are intelligence, fun spirit, lovingly married, kids. Race, income, and sexual preference are irrelevant to us. Non-religious and non-trump supporters are important criteria to us. I received a lot of support, but some people said that it was wrong to judge people based on their political views. And I replied... I didn’t ask my neighbor what his political affiliation was because there are Republicans who are not Trump supporters and there are Democrats and Liberals who are Trump supporters; political affiliation and ideology are not my concern, nor a criterion for choosing a friend. I asked him whether he was a Trump supporter, which is a vastly different question. I would not make friends with a person who reveres a man who I consider repugnant, corrosive, deceitful, and mentally disturbed. Because, although being a Trump supporter may not enlighten me as to the adorer’s character, it tells me a lot about their thinking and how they perceive and react to the world and its people.
3 people like this
3 responses
@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
31 Jul 19
When we moved into our house we met some of the neighbors. They were very friendly and we invited them for coffee when we had lived here for a while. We liked everything about them except one thing - they support a local political party that is known for their racist opinions. My husband and I hate that political party. We have many friends from other countries and we really don't support their views or the way they treat the immigrants who live here. We didn't become friends with that couple.
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
31 Jul 19
@kepweng We have immigrants from many different countries. Some of them are from Africa and the Middle East, but there are also many people from Asia. Some of my friends are immigrants from Asia who live in my country.
1 person likes this
@MALUSE (69409)
• Germany
30 Jul 19
It's good that you cleared this before you started inviting each other and then got at each others' throats. I can't imagine being friends with a Trump supporter, either.
1 person likes this
• Northampton, England
31 Jul 19
Do what Megan Markle does. Keep the cute ones