True Confessions - The Soccer Game

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Again, as you read these, you might find me, as I myself do, hilarious. That would land you squarely at Option "A." You might, on the other hand, come to the conclusion that I am a total, world class screw up, which would put you into Category "B" (even so, I'm still, as far as I'm concerned, hilarious!) This absolutely true story revolves (sort of) around the sport of football, known here in the States as soccer. For context, you first need to know that when this particular story took place, my girlfriend at the time was a realtor, working for a homebuilder. We had probably been living together about three years at this point. You also should know that I'm not exactly a soccer fan. Major League Soccer is an American professional soccer league that formed in 1993, with Denver's Colorado Rapids being one of the inaugural teams. The league began play in 1996, and the Rapids played in Denver's old Mile High Stadium at the time. During that first season, the Rapids signed now-Hall of Fame defender Marcelo Balboa. My buddy and I had heard that Balboa was a badass, so we decided to head down to the stadium for his Rapids debut. My girlfriend was at work. We tried, really, to watch the game, but since we had no idea what was going on, we pretty much just drank a lot of beer. On the way back from the beer line (probably beer number seven or eight, to be honest,) I saw a kiosk on the concourse, displaying some pretty cool t-shirts. And the t-shirts were free! To get one, all that was required was to apply for a home loan. Done! Then we snuck down into the good seats. When I got home, I was even complimented on my new t-shirt! After which I made the mistake of explaining how I came into possession of said shirt. "So," my real estate girlfriend said, "you don't like soccer, yet you went to a soccer game, where you got drunk and decided to apply for a home loan." "Well, if you put it that way, yes. I got a free t-shirt." "You do realize that you aren't going to qualify for a home loan?" "But I got a free t-shirt." She then took the time to explain to me about the way home loans work, my income, the effect on my already not-so-great credit score, what was I thinking, I'm an idiot, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. The t-shirt was pretty cool, though. Like I said. I rule!