My Heart Is Broken But I’m Trying to Function Well
By YoghurtGal
@flapiz (22425)
United Kingdom
October 4, 2019 4:58am CST
After a year of doing long distance I finally met my boyfriend last weekend because he flew in to see me. We had a great time despite the time constraints. So I was really let down and disappointed when he told me he and I have different views and dreams and that he’s afraid he is wasting my time. He didn’t really tell me to break up but I can see where it is headed. It’s as obvious as a neon sign. I tried to offer him solutions and all he gave me were problems. So at the end of the day I braved myself to ask if he wants to break up. And his answer was he was not sure.
This was as good as breaking up to me. When someone is unsure of you then you start to be unsure of yourself. Add insult to the injury that we didn’t have any prior fight and had a great weekend. To make it more confusing he still claims to love me. I really went very anxious and depressed. I had trouble breathing at night feeling like I’m drowning. And of course I was crying non stop. But then I realise why burden my heart when I have an exam to think about. I can’t keep on wallowing on this sadness so I decided to block him off messages since he would not stop messaging me everyday and it makes things more confusing like a cycle of hopefulness and hopelessness.
I have willed my mind to look at the bigger picture which is my OSCE exam drawing near. My heart is my weakness because when I love I give my all and let everything else fade in the back ground, but it is also my strength, I believe my heart is resilient and fragile yet strong at the same time. I will work on my OSCE. Give him time to think and to have less pressure and talk to him when I have secured my nursing pin and passed my OSCE. It’s not because my love situation does not work out that my whole future should also be affected. So now really I am just trying to function well. It’s really tough but I can do it!
26 people like this
31 responses
@yoalldudes (35040)
• Philippines
4 Oct 19
I am a hopeless romantic as well. But if I can turn back time, I would focus on my career instead. So much unnecessary heartache and suffering I endured.
4 people like this
@flapiz (22425)
• United Kingdom
4 Oct 19
Hi Mitch! Exactly I think I have to love myself more. I spent a lot of time, resources, and effort to make the relationship work and I even sacrifice for it, I moved to the UK to be closer to him. And you know everything I do was to make the relationship work. It’s high time I think about myself and be an independent unit.
1 person likes this
@yoalldudes (35040)
• Philippines
4 Oct 19
@flapiz Best decision you'll ever make.
2 people like this
@flapiz (22425)
• United Kingdom
4 Oct 19
@yoalldudes Yeah it doesn’t look like it now but I’m sure in the future I will look back and say to myself I did well.
1 person likes this
@Tampa_girl7 (49252)
• United States
4 Oct 19
You are better off without him. Find someone who is worthy of you.
4 people like this
@rsa101 (37969)
• Philippines
4 Oct 19
You handled your situation very well there. I think you should prioritise yourself over him since he has signified his doubts about his feelings for you. I suggest for now it is your career that is more important than anything else for now. So focus on that and let those feelings be set aside while taking your exams. I hope and pray that despite having this thoughts of your failing love life you can persevere and triumph over what is more important in your life right now which I believe is your career. Good luck on your exams!
3 people like this
when will thatbe?
@flapiz (22425)
• United Kingdom
4 Oct 19
I know right I really find it very strange how a kind and sincere guy would suddenly treat me like this. It’s really very disappointing to be honest. I mean I do recognise that our relationship had bumps but we managed to stay together for 3 years despite that. He could’ve broken up with me when the bump was there. Not when everything was going fine.
2 people like this
@Happy2BeMe (99386)
• Canada
4 Oct 19
When somebody says they are not sure they want to be with you then you know they are not the one for you. Your heart will hurt but you deserve better then that. There is somebody out there who will want to be with you and have no doubts about it!!
3 people like this
@flapiz (22425)
• United Kingdom
4 Oct 19
Exactly what I thought. That’s why I just initiated the break up because I don’t want to be someone he’s not sure of. It’s like telling me I am an option. And I know I really am too lovely to be an option.
I was thoughtful, caring, generous, sexy, and flexible in that relationship. And if he doesn’t see that well I don’t think the problem is me.
1 person likes this
@Happy2BeMe (99386)
• Canada
4 Oct 19
@flapiz You are right...it is not you at all. You are very confident that is great so many girls lack confidence and put up with things they don't have to.
1 person likes this
@flapiz (22425)
• United Kingdom
4 Oct 19
@Happy2BeMe I guess at some point I too did lack confidence but when I was losing value of myself my family and true friends were there to pick up the pieces.
2 people like this
@Starkinds (32703)
• India
4 Oct 19
I am sorry to hear that but I want to tell you something the same condition with me and I am suffering last six month but I want to leave my boyfriend right now because he never took any initiative for me
3 people like this
@flapiz (22425)
• United Kingdom
5 Oct 19
@hereandthere He buys me stuff on occasion. In Australia he used to buy me make up every month on our monthsary. When I went home it stopped but he buys me stuff for occassions like valentines and birthday. But he never ever got me flowers in the entire relationship. And yes that’s him and video games.
1 person likes this
@hereandthere (45651)
• Philippines
5 Oct 19
@flapiz was he like that, not buying you anything, even when you were in australia? or only when you came home? because i remember you called him and he was annoyed because he was playing video games with his cousin
1 person likes this
@marguicha (216305)
• Chile
4 Oct 19
Sometimes we fail to see what is right in front of our eyes. From what you tell us, even if it means sorrow now, you will be better later on.
2 people like this
@flapiz (22425)
• United Kingdom
5 Oct 19
@marguicha Everyone was telling me that and I refused to see it. Now I can see it.
@lovinangelsinstead21 (36850)
• Pamplona, Spain
7 Oct 19
Its so hard to tell anyone or give them proper advice in this kind of matter as you know what you feel.
For the moment I would concentrate on your Exam is that for Nursing I am not sure if I have got that right.
If all he can give you is negative stuff then he is in a turmoil himself I would think at least.
I gave up my last but one boyfriend because he did not defend me against his parent´s snobbish take on my being of the working class kind of girl so I thought out you go.
The last one was totally different although we have faced a lot of opposition on both sides of the Ocean.
Go for the Nursing thing if that is your passion I think it will work much better for you and open you new doors here´s to that.
So sorry its turned out this way for you also.
1 person likes this
@lovinangelsinstead21 (36850)
• Pamplona, Spain
7 Oct 19
@flapiz
I am happy to say that I am.
Good luck with your Exam then.
1 person likes this
@flapiz (22425)
• United Kingdom
7 Oct 19
@lovinangelsinstead21 Happy for you and thank you very much.
1 person likes this
@flapiz (22425)
• United Kingdom
7 Oct 19
He is my first boyfriend and kinda what makes it really hard for me. I would pour my time and heart on my exams and try to see the positive in this situation. I have more time to study and less distraction.
So at the moment are you happily in a relationship?
1 person likes this
@Tina30219 (81549)
• Onaway, Michigan
5 Oct 19
I agree with Laurel you are better off without this guy you can do better. Concentrate on your test and yourself for now
2 people like this
@flapiz (22425)
• United Kingdom
5 Oct 19
Yes Tina. I shall. I will not allow him to ruin my life. I’ve already made sacrifices for him.
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104632)
• United States
4 Oct 19
I am so sorry you are carrying this burden now but I believe you are strong enough to get through this and secure your nursing certificate and move forward. I know what it is like to have a long distance relationship go sour. I think perhaps he is confused but right now you need to focus on yourself. Let other things go for the time being. If it's meant to be he will still be there. That is something I had to learn the hard way.
1 person likes this
@flapiz (22425)
• United Kingdom
5 Oct 19
Hi Amber that is what he said. He is really confused and he claims that’s why he can’t straight forwardly break up cause he is very confused.
But I cannot deal with this painful confusion since I already have so much in my hands and head so I will remove myself from that stressful situation he created and focus on a more surer thing, my career.
@flapiz (22425)
• United Kingdom
5 Oct 19
@ScribbledAdNauseum Yeah hesitation and indecision does not look good on a man. And we surely deserve better. I for one want a family someday and if my man is not sure
of me, I don’t think he’d be a good family man.
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104632)
• United States
5 Oct 19
@flapiz You are right to do this. Relationships come and go but careers do not. Once you've gotten through the testing you can reach out to him again and try to work through things or decide to separate. You can't let him play with your heart.
I recently broke up with my boyfriend. He sent me a message that said 'I think we should take a break." I told him that he could keep the items I had at his house and that we were splitting up. I don't like the indecisiveness that "taking a break" is.
1 person likes this
@porwest (78757)
• United States
27 Dec 19
Long distance relationships in and of themselves are very, very difficult. But I would agree that responding with "unsure" is not very encouraging. I hope you two are able to figure it out. Best to nip it in the bud early on so that the both of you can get on with your lives.
1 person likes this
@flapiz (22425)
• United Kingdom
27 Dec 19
Well I have managed to get him out of my system. Like now I can last days without communicating with him. But we still do talk sometimes. I am feeling happy though knowing that I can go on without a relationship. I will cherish being single for a while.
1 person likes this
@porwest (78757)
• United States
29 Dec 19
@flapiz You seem like a very pretty gal, and so I think you will be able to find someone who can maybe be a bit more attentive to your needs. And maybe a little closer to home. Like I said, long distance relationships are very tough to maintain.
1 person likes this
@DianeBorg (784)
• Malta
4 Oct 19
I think you are doing well to try to concentrate on your exams. Although it is hard, don't give up, if he really love you, he wouldn't loose you.
2 people like this
@flapiz (22425)
• United Kingdom
4 Oct 19
Hi Diane you are right. I am not really fully closing the door yet he’s been a fantastic boyfriend and was there for me for a lot of rough times. But he is very fragile and acts like a woman and a lot of times when I am being hormonal he takes all my tantrums too seriously and gets too upset about it.
Anyway I don’t want to be stuck with someone who is unsure of me and will flake out on me on unexpected moments so I think focusing on my exam and giving him time off will be beneficial for the both of us. If he makes up his mind by then, then we can see how we can work it out. If not then at least I didn’t fail my exams and I will still have a good future without him.
Just sad to think that someone who loves me would hurt me like this. It’s actually worst than a proper straight forward break up.
1 person likes this
@flapiz (22425)
• United Kingdom
7 Oct 19
@DianeBorg Thanks Diane. I won’t be too greedy. A good score at the exam would be more than fantastic for now.
1 person likes this
@DianeBorg (784)
• Malta
7 Oct 19
@flapiz I wish you good luck for both your exam and your relationship.
1 person likes this
@maximax8 (31053)
• United Kingdom
4 Oct 19
I think that you are doing very well to concentrate on your exam preparation. Good luck in your exams and well done for the ones you have already done. I think my best relationships have been with people I have common interests with. I think you should not get upset about this man.Your studies and future career are much more important.
1 person likes this
@divalounger (5849)
• United States
28 Oct 19
I am so sorry--I hope that your pain eases quickly
1 person likes this
@birjudanak (14320)
• India
4 Oct 19
Its really a tough time for you as this thing happened at very near of your Exam. Its good you move on and focus on your exam but in any relationship,sudden blow of this kind will keep you think about it. Its really sad thing that he think like that for you hope things will be go well for you and Yes here we all friends are with you to support.
1 person likes this
@flapiz (22425)
• United Kingdom
4 Oct 19
Thank you Birju. I really need friends right now because I couldn’t tell my family much about the break up yet since they already like him very much. So I have been trying to deal with it myself with a new friend I met here on the UK but it’s not the same when you talk about it with old friends who knows you more and cares more for you you know. I don’t want to overload my new friend with my problems.
1 person likes this
@flapiz (22425)
• United Kingdom
4 Oct 19
@birjudanak Yeah I don’t know what happened to be honest. I was not expecting this. But there is more to life than love. I want to succeed in my career and I shall do just that!
1 person likes this
@birjudanak (14320)
• India
4 Oct 19
@flapiz Yes I agree with you as not need to give tension to family and I still can't believe this thing as I seen many photos both of you before and looked so nice and gentleman but don't know what happens but now its need to deal with it as soon as possible and also not need to disturb new friends there. Right now the first thing is your exam and i am sure you will definitely do well there and also this problem will sort out soon my friend. God is Great.
1 person likes this
@flapiz (22425)
• United Kingdom
5 Oct 19
Hi Simone that’s really how I felt. Because before when we argue he was always chasing after me and won’t stop until things are put right. Now he just suddenly do that out of the blue. Looks to me like he found someone new and is not brave enough to tell me.
1 person likes this
@Kitty_Lover (224)
• Kuta, Indonesia
5 Oct 19
I understand how you are feeling now. It must be so difficult to concentrate on your exam in this situation. But I think your career is more important to pursue than that guy. If a man wants you nothing can take him away. If he doesn't want you nothing can make him stay. Good luck in your exams.
1 person likes this
@flapiz (22425)
• United Kingdom
5 Oct 19
@Kitty_Lover Yes and try to appreciate the things around me that I have taken fore granted since I was so busy trying to make the long distance work.
1 person likes this
@Kitty_Lover (224)
• Kuta, Indonesia
5 Oct 19
@flapiz You're beautiful and strong. If he doesn't want to stay, you will surely get a better man. For now, I think what you've been doing is right. Give both of you time to think and enjoy me time.
1 person likes this
