A friend wants to move in with us
By Miss_Leafy
@Miss_Leafy (4296)
Colombia
June 28, 2020 4:17am CST
A friend of my husband wants to move in with us in our new house next month.
My husband has dilemma whether accepting him or not.
We know how this friend is. He is an opportunist. I remember each time we asked him for help, he always charged us. Now he has problems with his family which makes him decide to live somewhere away from his parents. And he chose to stay with us, and he wants it for free.
We like to help people, but with this friend we feel a bit worried. We won't have our privacy anymore since we have to share everything with him when he moves in with us.
We want to say NO to him, but what should we say to him as we don't want anyone to be hurt.
Picture is from google
13 people like this
16 responses
@MALUSE (69409)
• Germany
28 Jun 20
The idea is absurd!! If you had a separate part in your house where he could stay, things would be different. But if he has to share everything with you, this will be likely the end of your friendship and you and your husband will also argue with each other. This is inevitable in my opinion.
You don't want anyone to be hurt? In the end it will be you and your husband who will be hurt.
Write everything that bothers you on a sheet of paper so that you don't get excited in a discussion and forget half of your arguments. Sit down with your friend and tell him clearly what's what.
If he wants to stay away from his family, he can go to a shelter or to a cheap hotel if he has the money for it.
4 people like this
@bestie (3272)
• Philippines
28 Jun 20
You have the right to say no. You have your own family and you need privacy, it's okay to let a friend stay for a few days but to move in together with you and share everything, is not a good idea at all. It's okay to hurt him once and for all, I don't think it's bad to let him know that you don't like the idea of staying in one roof. You can otherwise help him find a place of his own to live. Be wise in your decision so you will not have any regrets soon.
3 people like this
@Miss_Leafy (4296)
• Colombia
30 Jun 20
Excellent idea. I'm starting to make a list of things that bother me about him staying with us.
1 person likes this
@moffittjc (118664)
• Gainesville, Florida
28 Jun 20
I think you have already answered your own question, just by reading your discussion. If he is an opportunist, and he expects to live for free, then the answer is NO. If he has charged you in the past for helping you, then it would not be unreasonable for you to charge him to live with you. Find out what the average cost is in your city for renting out a room, and then tell him that is what he has to pay. Otherwise, tell him it would be too much of a financial burden for you to let him live with you for free.
3 people like this
@moffittjc (118664)
• Gainesville, Florida
1 Jul 20
@Miss_Leafy At least you are offering to try and help him in some way, without giving in and letting him stay at your home.
2 people like this
@Miss_Leafy (4296)
• Colombia
30 Jun 20
I will offer him some ideas to rent a room somewhere.
2 people like this
@hereandthere (45651)
• Philippines
28 Jun 20
you yourself know he's an opportunist, so don't let him stay with you. most likely, you will regret it.
you don't need the stress, especially since you're pregnant with your first baby and both of you don't have family members there to help you.
it's actually arrogant of him to say he should live with you for free. why isn't he working?
don't tell him where you new house is so he can't follow/visit you.
3 people like this
@Miss_Leafy (4296)
• Colombia
30 Jun 20
I understand what you mean. Honestly I want to avoid this friend
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (459735)
• Switzerland
30 Jun 20
@Miss_Leafy You simply tell him that your house is not big enough to allow to keep your privacy, so you cannot host him, period.
1 person likes this
@Miss_Leafy (4296)
• Colombia
30 Jun 20
I don't want him to stay with us. Now I'm still thinking about the best way to refuse him
1 person likes this
@Miss_Leafy (4296)
• Colombia
2 Jul 20
@LadyDuck He already knows that we will have bigger house. 
1 person likes this
@Alexandoy (65308)
• Cainta, Philippines
28 Jun 20
NO is my answer because you need your privacy. I am sorry, my friend, but a home is for the family only. There are many cases that ended in a bad situation.
3 people like this
@Miss_Leafy (4296)
• Colombia
30 Jun 20
You're right. You reminded me that a home is for the family only.
1 person likes this
@Alexandoy (65308)
• Cainta, Philippines
30 Jun 20
@Miss_Leafy yes, for family only. Good luck to your new home.
1 person likes this
@thelme55 (76480)
• Germany
30 Jun 20
@Miss_Leafy Yes, you have to for you and your family's sake.
1 person likes this
@Miss_Leafy (4296)
• Colombia
30 Jun 20
You're right. I have to be cold to him now.
1 person likes this
@m_audrey6788 (58482)
• Germany
28 Jun 20
If I were you. You better tell your friend your true feelings because you will have bigger problems with your friend in the future. He better find some place where he must stay
1 person likes this
@m_audrey6788 (58482)
• Germany
30 Jun 20
@Miss_Leafy Just tell him the truth that you need some privacy 
1 person likes this
@Miss_Leafy (4296)
• Colombia
30 Jun 20
I understand. I know he will be hurt, but..what can we do?
1 person likes this
@dodo19 (47126)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
30 Jun 20
@Miss_Leafy I don't like his attitude either from what you're describing. I wouldn't be letting him stay with me either.
1 person likes this
@Miss_Leafy (4296)
• Colombia
30 Jun 20
We don't like his attitude. I will for sure say NO for him to stay with us.
1 person likes this
@Miss_Leafy (4296)
• Colombia
30 Jun 20
I agree with you. I just need to think of the best way to say NO to him
@Miss_Leafy (4296)
• Colombia
30 Jun 20
It's true. He is our friend, we don't want to hurt him, but we don't like his attitude.
1 person likes this
@nawala123 (20852)
• Indonesia
30 Jun 20
Say no or you gonna have big regret then
1 person likes this
@Miss_Leafy (4296)
• Colombia
2 Jul 20
@nawala123 I'm still waiting for the best time to say NO to him. We still have half more month to move in to our new house.
1 person likes this
@jayanth_77 (7180)
• India
28 Jun 20
you are bringing trouble . Politely say no. Doesn't matter he likes it or not.
1 person likes this
@Miss_Leafy (4296)
• Colombia
30 Jun 20
I'm still thinking of the way to say NO politely to him.
1 person likes this
@Butterfingers (66585)
• India
28 Jun 20
Why not say NO and let him know you cannot afford some other person inside the house
2 people like this
@Miss_Leafy (4296)
• Colombia
30 Jun 20
It's difficult to say NO to a friend. We need to think of a good way to say it so that he won't get hurt.
@Lavanya15 (12888)
• Chennai, India
28 Jun 20
Must stay NO, if you feel he is dangerous, there is nothing happened on saying this. I think saying NO is good choice, after giving accommodations in your home, you need to face lot of issues and also loss your privacy too. So then your choice.
1 person likes this
