Just What Anxiety Needs Thunderstorms

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Getting on to the site tonight I have a feeling no one even noticed I was among the missing but no matter this is my story. I don’t know how long I will be online tonight it all depends on how I feel but I will get on here every day now if I can. Just when I thought the worst was over and I had more control over myself kaboom. When we get thunderstorms where I live between the Atlantic Ocean and the Halifax River. This means that lightning hits the water to the right kaboom and to the left kaboom as it hits directly into the water. It certainly is a way to find out how steady your nerves are and luckily I have been hanging in there but I can tell you a large thunderstorm does not do much to make you feel calm. Actually I am so angry at myself for starting to feel anxious because I have no idea why I feel this way and I am always fighting my nerves so I hope this all goes away by next week. I keep myself amused by remembering Mel Brooks’ comedy “High Anxiety.” Funny there is no actual cure for anxiety and it can come and go and even sneak up on you unexpectedly. Then came July 4th weekend and found me checking out when the Fourth of July picnic was going on in Riga, Latvia at the U.S. Embassy that me and Martin attended every year. It was on July 3td for the staff would have the weekend off. So that was hard going through the weekend and people on our block were lighting off firecrackers even at 2 in the morning. Right now I am going back to what helped me during my rough anxiety periods and that is Valerian drops three times a day. I have to keep working and making additional money and until I figure it all out last week was a total disaster. So here I am again and this time I plan to keep working no matter what so hopefully all of this anxiety will once again become a thing of the past. It is very difficult going it alone so I watch some series, do my emails, do a bit of writing as long as I can, take a walk around my apartment and look out the windows to see the world and that I am still a part of it. Sometimes it is difficult to swallow anything and other times it is all right and my greatest joy today was that I was able to eat a whole boiled potato with salted butter and it tasted good and I could get it down. That’s anxiety for you and I hope it leaves me soon.