Put in a bad spot: advice?
By Amber
@AmbiePam (120533)
United States
August 8, 2020 4:24pm CST
Some of you may remember my sister has a son, who is adopted, and he has fetal alcohol syndrome. He's four, and enrolled in a preschool for kids with special needs. It's nonprofit, and is amazing. They put Hudson on the waiting list when he was six months so when he was three and 1/2 they finally had room for him; it's that hard to get in. He has thrived. Since there is no charge for the families, they have a fundraising event each year to pay for the costs. I gave a little last year, but had to give a little less this year. However, I gave.
My dad did not. And now my sister is upset. The thing is, I don't think it occurred to him. He only gets online to do research, and he doesn't even have Facebook (the fundraising is online). He does so much already for her and her family. So I didn't think it was such a big deal since he has been there over and over again for her family (they are rich, my dad is not). He is without a doubt, a fantastic grandfather, and the kid's favorite grandpa to boot.
She wants me to talk to him about donating. She said it's not about the amount, but that he just gives something. While I do think he should donate, even if it's just $5, it has put me in a bad place. If she's upset she should explain to him why. I don't feel it's my place, but here I am between a rock and a hard place.
What do you guys think? Should I even bring it up? If so, how?
20 people like this
20 responses
@Juliaacv (56195)
• Canada
8 Aug 20
That is a tough place to be in.
Knowing what you know, and both your sister as well as your father, I would probably try to find out when your sister will have the discussion with your father, and then you can make sure that you check in on him on that day. I am sure that your sweetness will soften any hard feelings that may come about.
Good luck with being the peacekeeper.
5 people like this
@snowy22315 (208746)
• United States
9 Aug 20
I too would suggest that she ask him if she wants him to donate. Like you said, he may be unaware the fundraising is happening at all. I am sure if she asked him in a nice way he could contribute a few bucks.
3 people like this
@Tampa_girl7 (54714)
• United States
10 Aug 20
I don’t think it’s your place. She should be the one.
3 people like this
@andriaperry (118793)
• Anniston, Alabama
9 Aug 20
Sis needs to man up and do for herself.
3 people like this
@ShyBear88 (59342)
• Sterling, Virginia
8 Aug 20
I wouldn’t have been upset if he is already giving to her son she has no rights to be upset over. Don’t cry over spilt milk kind of things. I don’t expect family to help or give money.
You can explain to her that hey he isn’t technology savvy. That instead maybe ask if he would like to send her money towards the funds
3 people like this
@hereandthere (45628)
• Philippines
9 Aug 20
i agree with everyone else. it's unfair what she's asking of you. it's her issue.
i also agree with you. after all your dad has been through and all the help he's given her, just let him enjoy being a grandpa, enjoy life and not expect anything anymore since she's in a good place now.
2 people like this
@Letranknight2015 (52665)
• Philippines
9 Aug 20
What is wrong with her being obsess about their Dad giving something specially if he's not rich.
We are in a pandemic situation how can she expect any one to have money to give alms.
My advice is that she should say that to him instead, but to me that is so selfish asking for more.
2 people like this
@Elizaby (6902)
• Pensacola, Florida
9 Aug 20
Your sister shouldn't be so upset as he may not have known unless she told him since he is not on facebook know they are doing the fundraising now and your sister should approach him in this way saying dad I just want to make you aware that it is fund raising time at Hudson's school and hope you would like to make a small donation, If she handles it with love there should be no discord.
3 people like this
@LindaOHio (222222)
• United States
9 Aug 20
I think your sister should do it. She can explain it to him just as you have explained it to us.
2 people like this
@Michellekidwell (29953)
• Sonora, California
9 Aug 20
Your sister needs to have the conversation...
2 people like this
@bunnybon7 (50970)
• Holiday, Florida
10 Aug 20
You should not have to do it
she should and besides maybe he can't spare anything right now. I used to give to charities but these days I am always broke and have nothing to give thanks to my daughter
1 person likes this
@BelleStarr (61463)
• United States
9 Aug 20
I think it is not your place to tell our father where to donate and I would tell your sister that.
@GreatMartin (23670)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
10 Aug 20
YOU stay out of it---tell her that's between her and your father and you aren't going to take sides. And stick to it!
1 person likes this
@DianneN (254949)
• United States
10 Aug 20
If your dad is not on Facebook, it would be impossible for him to know about the fundraiser. I think your sister should do the asking and not you. It's not your place in my opinion. Personally, I think your father is a fantastic grandpa and has done so much to help out your sister. Perhaps she can donate some in your father's name.
1 person likes this
@just4him (323168)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
9 Aug 20
I understand your dilemma. Is your sister aware your father isn't on Facebook where he would see the information? If so, reason with her. You can also let your father know about the fundraiser in a casual manner so he doesn't feel left out or shamed by something he knew nothing about.
2 people like this
