To give advice or not to.
@DearAphrodite (194)
October 18, 2020 1:04pm CST
Lately I have this friend that is having relationship problems. I always state that its your life do what you feel is right for you. Yesterday she did tell me she appreciates that I don't start getting bossy with her like another friend she has.
I am trying to figure out a nice way to tell her though I am tired of giving her advice on the same old problem. If your not going to do anything anyways why keep asking for advice?
This has been going on since February of this year so I think its time to do something or get off the pot as they use to say. Thanks for stopping by.
10 people like this
12 responses
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18 Oct 20
I think you could mention that you appreciate that she trusts and feels comfortable with you. That you want to help her with her problems but that it’s her life and decision and that you want to talk about something else other than those relationship problems because it’s talked about repeatedly. I would mention that you are her friend and want to spend time with her disregarding those problems she’s mentioning because it changes the mood of when you guys hang out and makes it less fun or enjoyable. I’d even suggest her getting a therapist or calling a chat line to talk with about these problems going on.
2 people like this
@DearAphrodite (194)
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19 Oct 20
I did manage to change the subject this time. Thank you for your input.
@DearAphrodite (194)
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19 Oct 20
Thank you. I invited her to come to my house sometime. I would rather find a way to tell her that in person. I have a tough time not trying to respond. This last time though I just let her talk and changed the subject.
@TheHorse (205696)
• Walnut Creek, California
20 Oct 20
@DearAphrodite Yes. I am a "good listener" (it's a part of my job), but I don't want to be "used" as a sounding post.
1 person likes this
@DearAphrodite (194)
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25 Oct 20
@TheHorse I haven't heard from her this week. Oh, well. I know I have done all I could but yes, I am no longer making too much of an effort to stay in touch.
@DearAphrodite (194)
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20 Oct 20
Yes, that has what it has turned into. lol I guess she is just venting. I have let her know she has options so now I just change the subject as soon as I can.
1 person likes this
@cperry2 (5608)
• Newport, Oregon
20 Oct 20
Hmm, if they do not listen, why bother? Is that cold? Maybe, but evidently there is some perceived reward for that friend that they continue to find themselves in the same situation. Until they realize it is not serving them, they are likely to continue in the same direction, even though it frustrates them.
You could ask them, why they continue to follow the same path that they have issues with. They probably cannot answer it but it might get them thinking a bit differently.
1 person likes this
@cperry2 (5608)
• Newport, Oregon
20 Oct 20
@DearAphrodite I'm sorry you had to experience that. Had a friend in Dallas, Texas many decades ago who had a similar issue. Came to a head one night when he shoved her through a glass sliding door. Fortunately, she saw the light and divorced him.
1 person likes this
@DearAphrodite (194)
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20 Oct 20
Thank you. I have managed to get good at changing the subject. Her husband does what a lot of abusers do, he go's and does something he should of done without being ugly first. Thankfully not my problem. Been there done that, never again.
1 person likes this
@DearAphrodite (194)
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20 Oct 20
@cperry2 Thank you. What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. This friend of mine always say well he doesn't hit me. I don't respond, she knows it's still abuse. I have just started helping her learn how to type and get some world skills. She has been married 17 years and they have a son. I have told her she can come to my house if she needs to. Lately I have just changed the subject and been emailing her links to get jobs and online training courses. Still she must make the choice. I have just backed up emotionally and am as supportive as I can be. She told me the last time I talked to her one of her other friends yelled at her about the subject. I just said well I know you're an adult and don't need me yelling at you.
1 person likes this
@jdbces (1847)
• Philippines
25 Oct 20
Hi I understand how frustrating. But she will always remember you and appreciate you for that. I have the same kind of friend. I hope you'll be more patient because you are one of the people she could always look forward to to light up her mind. I always have my mom to tell anything and not judge me whatever it is. That friend doesnt have the same kind of relationship with her mom so I try to be patient as much as I can.
1 person likes this
@DearAphrodite (194)
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25 Oct 20
She told me her mom has questioned her about some of the things, like she doesn't even have a debit card or credit card in her name. The only thing she has in her wallet is her ID. NO MONEY of her own she has to ask him for money. She told me her mom said something about that. I think the main thing that keeps her with him is their son. She says he never physically hits her but to me abuse is abuse. I have told her she can call me or email. She knows my door is open. That is all we can do she is an adult.
1 person likes this
@jdbces (1847)
• Philippines
26 Oct 20
@DearAphrodite You are very loving to her. I agree, abuse is abuse. If I am you, I would also advice her to get out of the relationship. It is going to be difficult given the reasons why is she still holding on but no one deserves to be abused in any kind of way. Praying for your friend.
@flapiz (22402)
• United Kingdom
18 Oct 20
Well I think you can just continue listening if not give advise. That’s part of the job descriptions of friendship. Unfortunately 
@jvicentevalera (13671)
• Santiago, Chile
18 Oct 20
If I were you, i would just listen. People sometimes just need to be listened. However I am thinking that your friend kinds of loves being under such circumstances.
@Alandalus99 (68)
• Saudi Arabia
18 Oct 20
A good friend will accept what her best friend has to say, even if it's a joke.
@soni799 (1)
• India
19 Oct 20
Confidence is the only thing that makes relationship important and strong.
And if you have truly loved someone, then there is no need for us to tell you about your faith. When you play Ristha with these beliefs then this relationship becomes very important for you.
