Advice on living with In laws.....
@Dhdz16 (5)
December 21, 2020 8:41pm CST
I've been together with my fiance for almost 6 years and we lived by ourselves for 5 years until we moved out to Las Vegas and his mom came along so we all moved in together before this all happened I felt like there were already things said or done that made me question if she had an issue with me and why? I shrugged it off the best I could when certain comments were made about my hair, weight or the tone she would take sometimes. Well here we are a year and half later living under the same roof and the tension can be felt every time you walk into the room. My fiance has brought up some of the things that she has said or done that has upset me and she'll turn it into making excuses for why she does it rather then taking responsibility and learning from her mistakes she keeps doing it and says that's just the way she is. It has gotten so bad that it is causing issues between my fiance and me to the point that I dread going home because I never know what mood she'll be in. There are times she'll be fine and other days I come home to her having the door closed to her room not just that day, but it seems like it's every time I come home she makes it a point to do it. One minute she'll seem ok and the next she is giving the silent treatment. This is just a summarization of a long list of things that happens and it really messes with you mentally, emotionally and psychologically. I've done everything you can think of from trying to understand why she acts that way, tolerating it, even having a conversation with her before it got to the point that it did I had told her that we are here for her and that it really meant a lot to me to be together as family because my family always fought especially my uncle and grandpa so growing up seeing that really made me want to just have a family that was united and peaceful. I'm torn as to how to handle this it has taken a huge toll on me and my fiance, even though there are times he'll makes excuses for her too, and just the household in general.
It's bad enough what's going on in the world today so all the more reason why I feel like it's important to be more united than ever and have peace in the household especially so close to Christmas and New Year.
Is there any advice or even just words of encouragement to help me get through this?
8 people like this
10 responses
@Dhdz16 (5)
•
22 Dec 20
She is 57 years old. Yes, having our own space was working wonderfully and she would come and visit when I was at work which was fine she lived 5 minutes away so she would come see him after she would get off work every now and then. I told my fiance I'm not trying to tell you to cut your mom out of your life, but she needs to take responsibility for her actions, stop competing with me, playing the victim when something is brought to her attention about what she said or did. It's just been draining because I love my fiance, but I also care about my emotional and mental health.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (28521)
•
22 Dec 20
Not trying to sound rude or mean, but it sounds like she thinks she got her little boy back, and she wants him all to herself. Living with an in-law often just doesn't work. Can you move, or can she? Can you find a place where she could possibly have her own space, and you could, too? If you want your relationship to work out with your fellow, you may want to try to suggest a move. I've walked that walk, and it pretty much fixed itself when we got our own apartment.
2 people like this
@Dhdz16 (5)
•
22 Dec 20
Yeah it was working out when me and him had our own place and she would come and visit since she lived 5 minutes away, but when we decides to move to Las Vegas last year she up and left her husband and wanted to come along. I didn't think she would just up and leave him, but she did after being married for almost 8 plus years and didn't even really let him know what she was doing. At one point I told my fiance I wanted to move out because of the way things were in the household and he wanted to come with me, but when he brought it up to his mom she said she didn't want to be by herself and didn't think it was a good idea. She has basically told him that we wouldn't make it without her and she wouldn't make it without us. I know this pandemic has made it difficult on everyone and unfortunately where I work my hours have been reduced to working only 2-3 days and she works a part time job and my fiance is a musician and hasn't had any work due to the pandemic so yes to some extent it makes it easier to help each other, but I'd rather be struggling than putting my mental and emotional health at risk by living this way. My fiance keeps telling me that it won't always be this way, but his mom has made it a point to say like she wants him to take care of her even though she is 53 years old so she is still capable of taking care of herself, but she guilt trips him a lot and uses the I've helped him a lot so I'd hope he'd return the favor and help me. I don't like when people do that because it's like a mind game that they use something like that against you. It's just been exhausting to deal with.
1 person likes this
@Hate2Iron (15730)
• Canada
22 Dec 20
Oh, I feel for you. I went through this and got into some really good arguments with mine. I finally told her that I really wanted to like her and to create a big happy family, but it was up to her. I was still going to marry her son or later... I'm married to your son, so maybe it would be a good thing that we all got along. It took a while, but we managed to get to the other side. And don't hold grudges... I'm still working on that one!!!
@amitkokiladitya (171936)
• Agra, India
22 Dec 20
I have been living with my in laws since 11 years now and trust me it isn't easy all. We do wnd up in disputes every now and then and these are inevitable
2 people like this
@Cheyee (8362)
• Pakanbaru, Indonesia
23 Dec 20
We lived with my mom after I got married for few years. I got in argument with her often. She is my own mom. I couldn't imagine if I live with in law. Even if you do your best, conflict would happen for sure. So better to separate and have your own space if possible.
1 person likes this
