grieving
By Kelli M
@spiderdust (14756)
San Jose, California
March 12, 2021 1:08pm CST
Yesterday was my mom's birthday, the first one since she passed away last year.
Today is the 1st anniversary of her death.
These were already going to be difficult days for me emotionally, but now I have a new layer of grief on top of it -- yesterday while I was at work, my oldest daughter inexplicably left. We have no idea where she is. She isn't answering her phone or responding to messages. We have no idea why. The only reason that we know she intentionally left on her own is because she sent a text message to me and a step-sibling saying goodbye and that she was safe.
I've been pretty much crying since yesterday afternoon. My eyes are swollen and raw, and I didn't go into work this morning.
I wish I understood why. I wish she had chosen a different day.
12 people like this
12 responses
@DianneN (254926)
• United States
13 Mar 21
@spiderdust I can imagine how worried and frustrated you are. Hopefully, she is safe as she told you and okay. She’s an adult now, but shame on her for not being considerate of your feelings.
1 person likes this
@spiderdust (14756)
• San Jose, California
13 Mar 21
@DianneN Yeah, there's not a lot I can do about it since she's an adult. It doesn't make it hurt any less.
I'm a bit better today. Friday I was just gutted and sobbing, but I think I'm moving into the acceptance stage.
1 person likes this
@spiderdust (14756)
• San Jose, California
13 Mar 21
She's 22. She might be with a boyfriend, although I haven't a clue who he would be. She had a breakup a few weeks ago, but could be with someone new.
I still haven't heard from her and it's frustrating.
1 person likes this
@1creekgirl (44560)
• United States
18 Mar 21
Oh, I'm so sorry. I'll pray your daughter is safe and that you'll hear from her soon. I know it's so hard at this anniversary of losing your mom.
1 person likes this
@spiderdust (14756)
• San Jose, California
18 Mar 21
It was a week ago today that she left, and I still haven't heard from her. I'm just hoping for the best, because I don't know what else I can do.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (169479)
• United States
14 Mar 21
That is awful. Family can hurt you so deeply, even not thinking.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (208952)
• United States
12 Mar 21
Oh my, a horrible day all the way around. Tomorrow will be a better day...I am sure of it.
1 person likes this
@GreatMartin (23670)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
12 Mar 21
Was there any signs your daughter was having some problems? It is always a hard situation when a child leaves and don't tell you why!
1 person likes this
@spiderdust (14756)
• San Jose, California
13 Mar 21
Not like this. She's my adult daughter, moved back in with us around Christmas after leaving a problematic marriage. We completely funded her move and her 14 day COVID quarantine stay at a hotel (as required by our county at the time), and told her the only rent we were requiring from her was that she be looking for a job and/or working on going to school.
This was out of the blue, and we feel both cheated and heartbroken.
@MarshaMusselman (38865)
• Midland, Michigan
17 Mar 21
I don't think kids understand first anniversary of those that pass away. I know all the firsts will be difficult. It's too bad she wasn't more forthcoming with her reasoning for leaving.
1 person likes this
@spiderdust (14756)
• San Jose, California
18 Mar 21
To be honest, I don't think she even remembered it was that particular day. I don't know that it would have changed what she did necessarily, but I'm holding on to the idea that she didn't intend to be quite as hurtful as her actions ended up being.
1 person likes this
@eileenleyva (27555)
• Philippines
19 Mar 21
@spiderdust That's the crossroads age when the youth feel at a loss of which path to take. Probably disillusioned that the dreams are not as easily achievable as they believed in childhood. Give your daughter some time to find her way back. Sometimes, pride factors. But let it play. She'd soon realize your mother's devotion unconditional.
In the meantime, perhaps you could ring some friends and ask. They might give you a clue.
Today is the solemnity of St. Joseph, the protector of the Blessed Mother and our Lord Jesus. Invoke his help to protect your daughter.
Will pray for you and your daughter. Am sure God will find a way.
@kaylachan (84810)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
12 Mar 21
I hope that your oldest returns and things work out for all of you. I wish you nothing but the best. Perhaps, she's grieving, too and chose the wrong way to cope with it. When you lose anyone, the first year is always the hardest. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.
1 person likes this
@moffittjc (128837)
• Gainesville, Florida
12 Mar 21
This is definitely a rough time for you. Sorry your daughter decided to leave on such a solemn day. I hope you are able to hear from her soon and know that she is safe and okay.
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (67089)
• United States
31 Mar 21
Strange she just up and left... im assuming she's at least 18 though..?
Sorry about your mom
