You CAN Pick Your Family. So Pick Them Before Your “Family” Picks You Apart.
By Four Walls
@FourWalls (86993)
United States
September 12, 2021 8:12pm CST
Sorry, but this is boring and personal.
They say you can’t pick your family. I say bullcrap. You can’t pick who you’re biologically related to, but you can dang sure pick your family.
I had a falling out with my aunt a number of years ago. I thought it was resolved. Well, turns out it wasn’t. I made her mad, and when I called to try to smooth things out and told her I loved her, she hung up on me.
Okay, message received.
I won’t bother her anymore.
I’ve seen discussions on here about how people have had their family rip them a new rectal orifice, then chew them out because they’re in pain or bleeding. I’m with you.
A lot of songs and lines from songs came into my mind when it happened.
Things like, “I don’t need to fight to prove I’m right” (from “Baba O’Riley”). Or, “The ones who love us least are the ones we’ll die to please” from the Replacements’ “B*stards of Young.”
But mostly a line from the first episode of the cable series Brothers. Cliff made up with his brother, whom he shared an apartment with, then said, “Goodbye.” “Whoa!” Joe said. “What are you, Ali McGraw? ‘I love you, goodbye’?” 
Yep. I love her. But goodbye. I’ll pick my family, thank you, and it won’t necessarily be the people I’m related to by birth. Some of them will pick you apart. And I won’t stand for it.
Sorry for the boring discussion. Here’s a boring song to make up for it.
Yep. I love her. But goodbye. I’ll pick my family, thank you, and it won’t necessarily be the people I’m related to by birth. Some of them will pick you apart. And I won’t stand for it.
Sorry for the boring discussion. Here’s a boring song to make up for it.
Track 6 from 439 Golden Greats - Never Mind The Originals Here's The Hee Bee Gee Bees Featuring Philip Pope, Angus Deayton and Michael Fenton StevensFor more...
19 people like this
16 responses
@marguicha (230365)
• Chile
13 Sep 21
Some time ago I sent this to my dear friend Coral (@TheSojourner). It says what I feel in better words.
8 people like this
@FourWalls (86993)
• United States
13 Sep 21
That’s beautiful, and oh so true.
And Coral definitely knows what I’m talking about, having endured the pain of a “family” that was anything BUT.
Thank you.
3 people like this
@marguicha (230365)
• Chile
13 Sep 21
@FourWalls It is a quote from Richard Bach´s book Illusions.
2 people like this
@LindaOHio (223055)
• United States
13 Sep 21
The Discussion wasn't boring. It's the same story for so many members. There always seems to be some dysfunction among all families. My father disowned me because I moved out when I was 21; and he never relented. Fine. I learned to live without my parents and all my aunts and uncles and most of my cousins.
2 people like this
@FourWalls (86993)
• United States
13 Sep 21
Maybe I’ve lived with my head in the sand for all these years. My mom was my best friend. My brother and I get along fabulously. My niece and I go to concerts together! It’s just not that way with everyone in the bloodline.
2 people like this
@merrybelle2021 (1394)
• Philippines
13 Sep 21
I think it's terrible that one person can strongly influence the rest of the clan against one of their own. But I guess that says something more about the followers than the one ostracized.
2 people like this
@allknowing (153529)
• India
13 Sep 21
After going through a tug of war in my mind I have finally learnt how to 'pick' family.
2 people like this
@allknowing (153529)
• India
14 Sep 21
@FourWalls Today's generation in particular will only need them when they have parties.
1 person likes this
@FourWalls (86993)
• United States
13 Sep 21
It’s a difficult thing initially, but oh the peace of mind it brings!!
1 person likes this
@FourWalls (86993)
• United States
13 Sep 21
And, as Joy said, nobody can hurt you like family, I guess because you don’t expect it from your relatives. But they aren’t any different from “other people” just because they’re your relatives.
2 people like this
@Juliaacv (56365)
• Canada
13 Sep 21
@FourWalls It does hurt worse then ever when a loved one, whom you have known your entire life hurts you.
1 person likes this
@wolfgirl569 (136145)
• Marion, Ohio
13 Sep 21
I have dropped most of my blood family. They are nothing but drama queens
2 people like this
@FourWalls (86993)
• United States
13 Sep 21
Drama queens? We might be related!!
1 person likes this
@wolfgirl569 (136145)
• Marion, Ohio
13 Sep 21
@FourWalls Never know. Many of my relatives came from the southern part of the state. I know one aunt did all of her shopping in Kentucky because things were a lot cheaper there.
1 person likes this
@DocAndersen (54399)
• United States
13 Sep 21
What a beautiful thing to say. Personally, I always feel bad when I read about familial issues, that can be so hard to recover from.
2 people like this
@FourWalls (86993)
• United States
13 Sep 21
I guess there’s one in every family. I just pissed off the one in MY family.
1 person likes this
@DocAndersen (54399)
• United States
13 Sep 21
@FourWalls the one in my family has been pissed at me since he married into the family
1 person likes this
@kaylachan (84948)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
13 Sep 21
I can totally relate. I grew up in a broken and dysfunctional family. I literally ran from them to get away from the abuse.
2 people like this
@cmoneyspinner (9218)
• Austin, Texas
14 Sep 21
I agree. You can pick your family and my family is the Westside church of Christ and a few of the my brothers and sisters that now live in a different state from me. We keep in touch through Facebook.
1 person likes this
@RasmaSandra (98187)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
15 Sep 21
Never heard this before, I have picked my family it's me, Boo Boo, Spooky, and Wild Thing,
1 person likes this
@1creekgirl (44560)
• United States
14 Sep 21
What truth in your words! I learned a long time ago that my family doesn't include all my blood kin, but it does include a few people I don't share DNA with. We live near a lot of my relatives, so it's still hard at times. We're all on speaking terms, but we're not close.
1 person likes this
@Dena91 (17038)
• United States
13 Sep 21
My heart goes out to you. My story is similar only it is my mother who decided a long time ago she never wanted my brother or I and let us know every chance she could. As adults my brother and I attempted a relationship with her only to have her shut us out again. It took us awhile to deal with it but we are both stronger without her than we would be having her and her toxic self in our lives. 
1 person likes this
@FourWalls (86993)
• United States
13 Sep 21
I’m so sorry. 
Mother’s Day is more like (Samuel L. Jackson’s favorite word) day, huh?
“Toxic” is the key word. We don’t need toxicity in our lives, regardless of whether it comes from total strangers or family. And especially not family.
Mother’s Day is more like (Samuel L. Jackson’s favorite word) day, huh?
“Toxic” is the key word. We don’t need toxicity in our lives, regardless of whether it comes from total strangers or family. And especially not family.
1 person likes this
@dgobucks226 (37621)
•
9 Oct 21
Too bad your aunt did not want to let the past be. I imagine many of us have experienced our disagreements with family (in my case it would be called growing up and maturing), but I'm happy that through all the hard times I gave my parents, they showed me their love, concern and caring. My Mom sent me a card once which said: I'm sorry if I worry too much, advise too much, or try to help too much, it's not that I don't have confidence in you, I do! It's just that I can't help myself. I'm a mother... Truly spoken words as I came to realize upon reflection. Fortunately for me I had a great set of parents and sibs. Seems for me I learned how wonderful family really was when reminiscing during holidays and other special occasions. With both of my folks gone now, it leaves a void which is difficult to replace.
Oh yes, and for those with a bad family situation, you comments remind me of a quote I found online. (see photo)
1 person likes this
@merrybelle2021 (1394)
• Philippines
13 Sep 21
What you think only happens to you or where you are, you realize happens elsewhere, too. But you also see how people rise from it and live differently because of it.
1 person likes this
@FourWalls (86993)
• United States
13 Sep 21
I used to say my family put the funk in dysfunctional. I realize now that, all things considered, I had it relatively easy.
1 person likes this
@merrybelle2021 (1394)
• Philippines
13 Sep 21
@FourWalls Exactly, and I am in awe of those who made it.
1 person likes this
