Sat-Nav shenanigans

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I think it’s fair to say that I’m not on the best of terms with the Sat-Nav lady. Sometimes I could use a little guidance to find some unfamiliar destination, but when she starts telling me where to go right from my the very start I find myself telling her to F*** off! Consequently it’s normally better for my mental state and the avoidance of road rage incidents if I just write down a few hints on a piece of paper. But the other day I wanted to buy a particular item from a chain of hardware stores, and no matter which store I tried to find it in - several near where I was at the time, and several near where I was going, at the other end of a 200-mile journey, it seemed only one store actually had one in stock, and that was in Dudley, near Birmingham in central England. It was on special offer and seemed like a good deal, so maybe it really was the only one left. My journey would take me very close to Dudley, so I thought that if a small detour would get me what I needed it would be worth it. I looked at the map and the store I needed was only just off a main road, so should be nice and easy to find. If only I had just made a note of that and set off! But instead I stupidly thought that perhaps the Google Maps app on my ‘phone would help me find the fastest route, avoiding passing through other towns in the conurbation that covers the middle of England. After all, my partner uses it all the time and often asks why I don’t use it. I couldn’t bear being told what to do all the way, so when I was most of the way there I pulled into a petrol (gas) station and entered my destination in Google Maps. It showed me where to go out of the petrol station, across a junction and continuing along the main road, which I knew was correct. So I blithely set off, but after a little while I noticed the map wasn’t moving, it was still showing me how to get out of the petrol station. Nevertheless the voice was giving me directions and they seemed fine, so I carried on - in any case there wasn’t really a suitable place to stop. Sure enough the Sat-Nav did take me a faster way, via the motorway, and soon I was in Dudley. But that was where the ‘fun’ began. I was directed off the main road, through an industrial estate, and back onto another dual carriageway. I turned left then right as directed, thinking I must be nearly there. But no, off I went down the dual carriageway, then through some residential roads, round a few roundabouts, past some shops… I was really seeing the parts of Dudley I had no idea I needed to see. I felt as though I was being sent in circles - then I found myself approaching the ‘Waggon and Horses’ pub, which I had already been around from the other direction. Then past a house being renovated, which I had definitely noticed before, then under the bridge with a slogan advertising a brewery, which I was sure I had passed underneath from the opposite direction… I must have wasted half an hour and driven several miles around Dudley. Finally, when I was back in the same industrial estate for the second time, I was able to pull over and fiddle with the map, whereupon Google obligingly showed me that my destination was about 50 yards away. For some reason Google didn’t seem to register one junction so when I was told to turn left then right, I should have actually been directed left then left then right. If only it could do as a real person would do and tell you ‘You’ve just missed it! Turn around and it’s just over there!’ At least I got what I needed, but I was quite annoyed at the waste of time, especially as I still had around 100 miles to drive and it was getting later… Next time I think I’ll stick with the pencil and paper method. All rights reserved. © Text and image copyright Fleur 2021.