#3 - My brother's friends mock my mental health....I need help please. :(

Perth, Australia
March 13, 2022 12:37pm CST
Thank you kindly for reading everything so far. Before I tell this story, I do beg of you, please always be honest with me but please no judgemental "get over it" type of messages. It's rare but it's happened and I'm honestly saying, I can't handle it. I can't handle having my concerns (there are way more than I'm telling you) to be swept under the rug as if it's nothing. The chances are slim here on MyLot but in case you feel the need, I dealt with that before and right now I cannot mentally deal with it. I can't understand or handle this treatment when I help, help and help only to be disrespected back. Especially by family. Andrew goes out. Charlie is in the lounge room with me and lately he has been on medication for his irregular heartbeat and laboured breathing. For some reason really recently Charlie has been dry retching. Like doing a weird loud coughing yet trying to vomit and breathe type of sound and it's been scaring me. Long story short, I did message Andrew on Facebook and was going nuts asking him again to please book him in the vet OR at least email or call a vet to ask if this is normal. He read all those messages but didn't respond to which that annoyed me because Andrew is known for making excuses on not taking HIS dog to the vet as he needs money for buying games, movies, fast food, movie streaming services, you know all the entertainment things that don't have a heartbeat like his dog. I got annoyed and sent him a message telling him "Don't worry I will book an appointment for your dog." I get a reply back. "Hi Danielle this is Jackie, you have no idea what you're asking about, I do know so stop interfering with Andrews dog. When you become a vet (not) maybe you'll realise you have no idea so back off." So one of Andrew's friends typed this to me. Jackie is the mother of Andrew's friends. I rang Andrew immediately and asked to speak to her. Not to yell or be rude but I simply told her that I do not wish to fight but due to Andrew being a compulsive liar, he will tell you how he looks after Charlie but he really isn't the best. Long story short, Andrew eventually got on the phone to me and his tone changed. When just less than 3 weeks ago he admitted (again) that he needs to do better for Charlie, the story altered. "I do, I play with him often, I've never forgotten his medication" blah blah and I was like "Andrew the reason you're telling me this is because you don't want to ruin the illusion you've created for your friends but how dare you make me out to be a cow when all I've done is try to help your dog because you suck at it. And how dare you lie to me yet again when you know I can't take the lies anymore. Please as my brother, for me, please just speak the truth!" Anyway....in the background from Andrew's friends: "You don't know anything about life. Andrew has a full time job unlike you." I said "Excuse me that has nothing to do with Andrew's lack of compassion for his dog and it's my personal reasons why I don't have a job right now which include severe depression. But I'm trying!" Reply: "I have depression and I have a full time job so that's no excuse." Then I hear two people laughing at me and saying "She has no life Andrew." The flipping ignorance of this person! And what the hell has me not working got to do with Andrew not looking after HIS dog correctly. Whether I am working or not, Andrew having a full time job is irrelevant. You ALWAYS do the right thing EVERY day whether it's a work day or weekend. Anyway again I hear his friends: "Leave Andrew alone it's his dog, get a life. He actually works unlike you. You don't know anything about life." I told Andrew to put me on speaker and EVENTUALLY Andrew admitted how he has discussed with me about being a better pet owner. But by this point I was hurt. Andrew allows his friends to talk to me in a cruel manner, and doesn't defend me? And even after that piece of scum for a brother admits to things I hear them again: "Andrew hang up on her she's manipulating you." How? I was speaking truth. I felt so alone, abandoned and like I was in a Twilight Zone episode. How did these people who I like, become so cruel towards my life over me trying to help Charlie? From all these comments to Andrew telling lies, spinning the story, making me look like a nagging nuisance....I was in tears. "How can you let these people speak to me like that when you're my brother, I do so much for you, I've defended you a lot when people were doing you wrong and you know my history of depression and all I've been through and less than 3 weeks ago you admitted to me again that you could do better, you treat me like this instead of just telling your friends the truth and you don't simply tell you friends to stop talking to me like that?" Just because someone is your friend, doesn't mean they are flawless. He has his friends wrapped around his lying little finger and hurt me so much. Lies and more lies and making me sound like a lunatic and allowing these people to say horrible things when all of this was about Charlie. I even got my dad to speak for his buddies to hear. Did it make a difference? Probably not. Though Andrew sucks at looking after his dog, he sure knows how to pull out his puppy dog eyes and lies between his teeth when backed in a corner. When he walked in last night, he said hello. I said nothing. But I am owed an apology. But to be honest, I no longer even want to speak with him. Angry? Yes of course but I actually well and truly feel like what's the point me trying when this sort of thing has happened. You can't go back from this. Such deceit and not defending me....how can I feel ok now?
12 people like this
11 responses
@sharon6345 (316220)
• United States
13 Mar
I am not sure what to say but I know one thing if nothing else. He would not be taking care of charlie or charlie would be gone. I would move heaven and earth to not be where that brother is as well. I also would have hung up the phone long before it got to them telling him to hang up on you. I do hope you can let him deal with charlie if not do the right thing. Take care.
2 people like this
• Perth, Australia
13 Mar
@sharon6345 Hey, I hope you're doing well. Thank you kindly for your time and response. I did eventually hang up on him as I literally couldn't go on anymore with it. I don't feel the energy to be so helpful anymore. I will always love my brother, and give attention and love to his dog but I can't do anything else anymore. I am taking other steps back too. Not too be nasty but because I don't feel like being like I was. I won't offer him support or help like I was. I don't want to anymore. I want to focus on my own things.
1 person likes this
@sharon6345 (316220)
• United States
13 Mar
@VivaLaDani13 THat is the only thing that will help you. I had to cut off ties with 3 family members one being my child. But I don't regret it. You should seek help to move out soon. You will learn that your own sanity is priceless.
1 person likes this
• Perth, Australia
6 Apr
@sharon6345 I can understand. I know from only some of what I've read from your posts that you were having issues with family. I think it's right to do whatever you can to make yourself happy and healthy minded even if that means cutting ties with family. Oh I wish I could move out. Sadly, I am in no position to. I would miss being with dad and brother (even though there are many frustrations) but it's something I know I would enjoy and be less stressed being on my own. Hopefully some day.
@TheSojourner (47560)
• United States
15 Mar
I just wrote a very long response, and it disappeared and I am not sure if it ever came through. I voice texted and then tried to send it, and it seems to have just gone away. It's 3:30 in the morning here and I cannot see very well without my glasses on. I was going to go back and read it for editing, so if it does show up please know that whatever came out of my mouth may not have been heard quite the same way. I will have to try to respond to you when I have a little more cognition and after the medical appointments today. Just know that you have someone here in Washington State who understands much more than I always let on. We share a lot of commonalities. I will agree with what some of the other people have said in that finding a good support system through resources outside of this family and group of friends that is treating you in a very toxic way is so important for you. Know that you are loved. You are a right, kind, loving, wonderful person who deserves to be treated with kindness and respect. Learning how to maneuver through all of it it's very important, whatever you're going through in your life. I will PM you later tonight or tomorrow. Hugs and much love sent across the miles.
2 people like this
• Perth, Australia
10 Apr
@TheSojourner I'm so sorry that happened! I know from experience how frustrating that is when it happens! Especially when you put your heart and soul into an answer. I thank you so very kindly for re-doing your answer. Thank you so much for your kind supportive words. I truly do appreciate you a lot. I hope you're doing well!
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Apr
@VivaLaDani13 I'm hanging in there. It's been a rough several months, and I'm starting to chronicle what was in a series called heart to heart, but I've only finished parts one and two. I need to start moving forward now on the rest of that and also on some of the medical situation for myself. Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate you.
1 person likes this
• Perth, Australia
13 Apr
@TheSojourner I'm so sorry it's been rough for you. I wish there was something I could do. I truly hope you will be alright and things start to look up. I'm always here if you feel like venting and I'll always have your back whenever you need.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (137855)
• United States
13 Mar
I think you should not let anyone abuse your regardless of who it is. They should be thanking you for your concern about the dog.
2 people like this
• Perth, Australia
20 Mar
@snowy22315 Thank you for your response. I really appreciate it. I agree, I've done a lot for that doggy. And for these people to be rude about my personal life, it really has nothing to do with the dog. I can't help but find them ignorant and rude now.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (137855)
• United States
20 Mar
@VivaLaDani13 I am sure you are quite right.
1 person likes this
@moonandstars (59148)
• Zagreb, Croatia (Hrvatska)
15 Mar
nagging or not, your own flesh didn't defend you and i could relate to that. i am not sure if they stood too close to your brother but how dare they say such words. and that mother of those friends, some shameful act. i am so sorry you heard all that and felt very bad when all you wanted to do is help. i think it's the best to start ignoring your brother from now on. as for charlie, i would take him to shelter and give him to people who would take care of him. or do nothing and see what happens. don't wish to include your dad into this but since if it's your dad's place, where your brother and you are living, he could have said something to your brother, setting some rules and not leaving you to be troubled with this. you are gentle and fragile, like me and this is too much. maybe try to find some professional to talk to, to guide you, one or two sessions. i don't want this to eat you alive cause you don't deserve it. i am also sorry that your brother didn't protect you from that family member. in the end, working, not working, what does it matter, you're a person and you work, you work here, on mylot and other gigs and you help. those blood suckers. please, try to calm down and focus on you. no more others. if they burn, let them burn by themselves
1 person likes this
• Perth, Australia
10 Apr
@moonandstars Thank you so much for your comment. I took a lot of it on board. I love my brother very much and if something was a real emergency, I feel I would always help but I am taking a step back from other things. He has done too many negative things towards me and I don't understand why when all I've done is help and support. Yet he questions why I am often in a bad mood. People like him just don't get it. He is the type to do nasty things or say nasty things but turn it all around when I react, making it out like I'm the bad guy. I'm so sick and tired of people like this. I've been too hurt by a handful of people but it hurts more when it's family. I'm sick of family members not being there or being apart of the "Let's bring Danielle down" club. I'm sorry you've dealt with such behaviour. You never deserved anything like that as you are just too kind and a lovely person. Thank you again.
1 person likes this
• Zagreb, Croatia (Hrvatska)
14 Apr
@VivaLaDani13 of course you don't need more negativity and you are making a good choice. it doesn't have to be over night, even step by step is really important.i forgave my sister and father recently and once again;as you said, they don't get it but i won't run and sacrifice myself anymore while they won't also, if they promised to help me or something, i won't remind them. i remember that my sister offered me basket for my bathroom but i feel great not reminding her. i have my own. if she rembers, okay.if not, i got used to it by myself and it is fine.thank you. you are incredible too and good times must come
1 person likes this
• Perth, Australia
18 Apr
@moonandstars I read your reply a handful of times as it was so supportive, encouraging and good real advice. I'm so sorry for any issues you've had with your family members but I really wish I could high five you for the strength shinning through your words. I have no doubt things have been tough at times but I admire how you seem to be gaining so much strength and coming to terms regarding it all. Thank you for such an awesome and inspiring reply.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (39132)
• United States
22 Apr
My opinion from reading - Andrew has no intention to take the dog to a vet or look after him any more than he's doing now. Other things are more fun/important to him, let alone what's actually the right thing to do (Take the dog to a vet). It's irresponsible and terrible, but not much you can do. As for Andrew's friends? Well, they only know his side of the interaction. Irritating? Yes. Here it has become REALLY taboo to even suggest anything about anyone's mental health. But there's always those few who seem to need to "go there". It's bad enough when I tell people about OCD I have they say oh I have that too and cite some superficial reason when mine actually causes me a lot of pain, but in their mind they are just the same. But yeah. I have decided if anyone ever gives me guff about it, I'll just tell them - well thank goodness you've never experienced any hardships in your life. I hope you never do. We can't control other people, just how we react to them. What is the living situation? Is it Andrew's home?
1 person likes this
• Perth, Australia
27 Apr
@FayeHazel Thank you so kindly for taking the time to read and comment. I really appreciate it. Sadly little Charlie (our doggy) passed away. I am very upset and angry because I feel if my brother and his friend's just took their heads out of their butts, I could have taken Charlie to the vet and kept him alive for a little bit longer. My brother and I are talking but I am still very angry. He still hasn't apologised. Even after quite recently me letting loose about it, he still never apologised. I agree with you completely regarding his friends. I no longer respect them in any shape or form. I'm so sorry about your OCD. I understand those sorts of comments too. People can have a little OCD / quirk but real troubled OCD just consumes so much time, effort, pain etc. No offence to those who have little OCD / quirks but what you're saying is true. It's like someone saying "We all get depressed sometimes." Sorry, that's sad but that's not the same as suffering with depression. My dad, Andrew and I live together. He couldn't afford a place. He has basically no money. He has been working since a late teenager yet, it's countless the amount of times he has come to me asking to borrow money and I've been unemployed for a long time. But hey, not bad for someone who "doesn't understand life and doesn't work" when my brother has a full time job. He recently asked to borrow $1000 to fix his car. I said no.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (39132)
• United States
27 Apr
@VivaLaDani13 I am so sorry for your loss of Charlie. :-( I hate to say it, but maybe this means that Charlie isn't in pain or suffering. Even though that's still sad. Your case with your brother's friends reminds me of this one instance I had. I was volunteering at the Veteran's hospital here. You could sign up for 4 hour shifts. If you took the earlier in the day one, over noon - you got a free meal ticket from their cafeteria. The food was actually pretty good. Another volunteer, an older man, had some how got it in his head that the only reason I was volunteering was for the food voucher. He'd make snide remarks about how people should do things from the good of their heart, not because of free food and stuff like that. I tried to defend myself but he'd twist my words and get more snarky. So... I figured .... I didn't have to spend a lot of time with him, he had his mind made up about me and was unwilling to look at me from any other angle .... shrug, ... let him have his opinion. His loss. Is it your dad's place, or your place? The person whose place it is could perhaps set some ground rules? Anyway I do hope Andrew shapes up soon. :/ That must be hard to live around
@CarolDM (186831)
• United States
10 Apr
Looks like so much going on. I am sorry you have these issues. I will only offer an ear to listen. Always here for you. And you deserve better.
1 person likes this
• Perth, Australia
13 Apr
@CarolDM Thank you so much as always for being your awesome warm-hearted self. I always appreciate it.
@CarolDM (186831)
• United States
13 Apr
@VivaLaDani13 You know you are always welcome.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Mar
I have mental health issues and in my experience, the people around me react to it differently. Some take it seriously and others don't. I personally would snap at them for making fun of me like that - to at least let them know they can't treat me like that. But at the end of the day we can't control how others act towards us, even if it is our own family who should have our backs. I'm so sorry you're dealing with all of this.
1 person likes this
• Perth, Australia
10 Apr
@NevermoreHoar Thank you so kindly for your answer. I agree with you. I am still having flashbacks of what happened and doing the whole "I should of said that!" thing. I am just disgusted by them saying such irrelevant, ignorant and nasty things. They do not know or understand the true picture. Just ignorant and rude. I am wishing you all the best with the mental health issues you have to deal with. I always have sympathy and empathy for those who suffer and I will never be so judgemental like my brother's friends were. People often seem to talk down to those who are trying their best rather than praise them for what they have accomplished. It's sickening really.
1 person likes this
@cacay1 (70810)
• Cagayan De Oro, Philippines
16 Mar
It's so tough you can go through all these problems. There's no problem that is Forever.
1 person likes this
• Perth, Australia
10 Apr
@cacay1 Thank you kindly for your comment.
@JESSY3236 (16306)
• United States
15 Mar
I'm sorry you are going through this.
1 person likes this
• Perth, Australia
20 Mar
@JESSY3236 Thank you kindly. I really appreciate your comment.
1 person likes this
@RebeccasFarm (65437)
• United States
14 Mar
I know this is going to sound harsh Danie, but they are low lifes all of them. Take no notice of them, they do not know what they are talking about. If the shoe fits...so the saying goes.
1 person likes this
• Perth, Australia
10 Apr
@RebeccasFarm Not harsh at all. I can't help but agree with you. I am coming from a place of hurt and anger but really, that aside, their comments were irrelevant to what I was trying to do. They were being so rude and ignorant. For that, I will never forgive them for. Them or my brother for not doing the right thing. They really didn't know what they were talking about and my brother is too much of a liar to make them understand the truth.
@JudyEv (278722)
• Rockingham, Australia
14 Mar
That is such awful behaviour from your brother and his friends. People are brave when they have others around them.
1 person likes this
• Perth, Australia
10 Apr
@JudyEv I agree with you. He has them fooled and they are too ignorant to listen to another who does know the truth. Just because my brother is their friend, doesn't make his stories truthful and just because I am only an acquaintance, doesn't make me a liar. I know the truth but they were too rude and ignorant to listen. Thank you Judy.
1 person likes this