What is it about me?

By Faye
@FayeHazel (40250)
United States
June 13, 2022 4:02pm CST
So for some reason people feel very comfortable around me and often I am the recipient of life stories of people I barely know. I used to feel flattered, but now I don't know how to feel. I'll sit and listen as I'm told of childhoods and growing up, meeting the highschool sweetie, and having an out of wedlock child who was adopted out, to college antics, moving out of state, coming back home finding a career and getting married, raising a family.... and I'll smile and nod approvingly or give reassurance as needed... and then visiting time is over and...??? They aren't curious about me, they just want someone to talk to. Even if they WERE curious about me I STILL wouldn't tell them MY story. My story isn't the norm. I got cheated out of a lot of those experiences because my dad was controlling and abusive and lived under some kind of illusion of feeling like he needed me around him 24/7. So for me there was no coming age, no highschool sweeties, no "traditional" college , no moving away... I can tell tales of being screamed at for hours or protecting my mom from my dad's rages. But the few times I've done that I get met with blank stares and told they know EXACTLY what I've been through because they've been through a break up or something like that. I'm not trying to be a brat here but comparing a life of abuse with a breakup is simply not the same. So it's best for me not to share, but instead to quietly nod , and say uh-huh, yes, and the like. Inspired by a recent friend of a friend. As I think about what I've written = I just want to clarify ... I know people have had it worse than me, and I know others have had difficulties as well, but my experiences were fairly uniquely strange. I will gladly listen but have gotten to a point where I want a give and take with the other person, not just a give, not just someone talking at me. Photo: Pixabay user Geralt
11 people like this
9 responses
@much2say (53699)
• Los Angeles, California
13 Jun 22
I've been in "that" place so many times . I will listen - maybe too much sometimes - but it's sad to not get a turn to tell your story after that. I put up with it so many times, but these days my ears have just closed up (not entirely, but it's less tolerant). Like you, my story is a bit "different" too . . . I don't know that many could understand or relate, so I just keep that to myself.
4 people like this
@Aiana18 (698)
• Belo Horizonte, Brazil
14 Jun 22
We are feeling lonely. People are always trying to talk about themselves, their problems and anguish, but they don't feel that the other person may have the same need, especially when that other person is a good listener.
3 people like this
@much2say (53699)
• Los Angeles, California
15 Jun 22
@Aiana18 People are so me, me, me. They only care about their own issues and don't bother with hearing out anyone else. I find that people like this do not even realize how one sided such a conversation is. I feel that I am a good listener, but others often take advantage of it.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40250)
• United States
20 Jun 22
Aw sorry you know this feeling too. It sucks. I hope you have some receptive friends who can at least try to understand your story and a place where you can be heard too
2 people like this
@xander6464 (40718)
• Wapello, Iowa
14 Jun 22
They're treating you like a therapist. So maybe you should treat them like a client and charge them $300/hour. In half-hour increments only, of course. Otherwise, some joker would talk for 10 minutes or 42 minutes and expect you to do all that impossible math to charge him. Nope! If you talk for 18 minutes, it's $150! If you talk for 37 minutes, it's $300!
2 people like this
@xander6464 (40718)
• Wapello, Iowa
14 Jun 22
@Aiana18 Very valid. Don't take other people's problems into your life. It is toxic. -----------Like with everything else, I would make an exception when express consent is given.
2 people like this
@Aiana18 (698)
• Belo Horizonte, Brazil
14 Jun 22
Very valid. Don't take other people's problems into your life. It is toxic.
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (40250)
• United States
20 Jun 22
@Aiana18 True. Must not pick up their baggage
2 people like this
@JudyEv (323745)
• Rockingham, Australia
14 Jun 22
I can imagine how this gets 'old' after a while but, as you say, people don't really understand what life was like for you. I'm sorry you don't get the chance to share with others... if that's what you want.
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (40250)
• United States
20 Jun 22
Thanks Judy. That's exactly what I've been feeling.
1 person likes this
@nela13 (55684)
• Portugal
20 Jun 22
I understand you, my friends use to say that I am a good listener, sometimes I have the feeling that they only like me because I listen to them. I am sorry that you grew up that way, I can't say that I know because fortunately my parents are great, they have always been and still are, but I feel sad for you that you grew up in an abusive environment.
1 person likes this
@nela13 (55684)
• Portugal
11 Jul 22
@FayeHazel I can see for your posts that you have a great relationship with your mom, that is wonderful.
@FayeHazel (40250)
• United States
11 Jul 22
Ah I could imagine that, I can feel your kindness all the way here. Unfortunately being a good listener sometimes we wonder if that is the reason why people like us. Thanks for the kindness. My mom is lovely but dad was terribly troubled. I still have nightmares. I'm happy you have a good family my friend :-)
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Jun 22
People today just want to be heard and yet not hear anyone else. You're right it's not fair!
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40250)
• United States
20 Jun 22
Yes. So true. The art of listening is becoming extinct
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40250)
• United States
11 Jul 22
@misunderstood_zombie Oh yes I love that Judge Judy quote. But yeah, people don't really seem to listen anymore. Or read instructions
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jun 22
@FayeHazel Judge Judy said we have two ears and one mouth, but as you said listening is becoming extinct.
1 person likes this
14 Jun 22
Maybe you're an empath, and that's why people can relate to you more. Perhaps, you should try to talk about yourself more.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40250)
• United States
20 Jun 22
Ah yes. I have identified with that for a long time. I suppose that's what people are reacting to. Good point. Though, with this past as I've had it's hard to tell how much is too much sharing... thank you though. You're right, some of this is with me. Are you also Empathic?
@FayeHazel (40250)
• United States
11 Jul 22
@ihasaquestion Ah we can understand things between us then , nice to meet you fellow Empath :-)
1 person likes this
20 Jun 22
@FayeHazel Yes, I am kind of empathic. I'm quite like you.
1 person likes this
@RebeccasFarm (84372)
• Wheat Ridge, Colorado
14 Jun 22
No I totally get it Faye.. My son is the same way..long story but much like you xo yet he has a heart of gold No one understands
1 person likes this
• Wheat Ridge, Colorado
20 Jun 22
@FayeHazel Thanks Faye
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40250)
• United States
20 Jun 22
Aw thanks dear. Same with you too. Sorry I hope people are kind to your son. I'm sure he's a gem just like you
1 person likes this
@DianneN (246452)
• United States
17 Jun 22
It’s no one’s business but your own. Being a sympathetic listener is fine. I know you can share so many other things, but if they don’t ask, don’t tell. I avoid people like that.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40250)
• United States
20 Jun 22
Hm, true. Another more empowering way of looking at it. Thanks for the viewpoint.
@Aiana18 (698)
• Belo Horizonte, Brazil
14 Jun 22
That is very good. People trust you and feel that they can tell you their secrets, thoughts and feelings. This is a powerful thing. It can open doors in your life through influence and the way you make someone feel. Think of it this way.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40250)
• United States
20 Jun 22
Hm. That's a good, and more positive way to look at it. Thank you
1 person likes this