How to overcome dependency on people?

Arya

@yoalldudes (35040)

• Philippines

25 Sep 22

@Dreamerby I assumed the dependency is emotional. Maybe if we try living alone and finding out for ourselves that we are fine on our own, we would be more independent.

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@Dreamerby (3049)

• Calcutta, India

25 Sep 22

@yoalldudes Yes the first step is the hardest.

@Dreamerby (3049)

• Calcutta, India

25 Sep 22

Yes it is hard to overcome dependency....

aidaa

@sickly09 (861)

• Indonesia

25 Sep 22

I used to be the same person as you. I always depended my life and even my happiness on other people, Until at one point I realized, Why am I doing this stupid thing, Because in reality They will leave someday, they will leave me for someone else, or maybe they will leave this world. So I decided to live in my own world.

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@Dreamerby (3049)

• Calcutta, India

25 Sep 22

I am sure that it must have been hard...

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aidaa

@sickly09 (861)

• Indonesia

25 Sep 22

@Dreamerby Of course, the beginning was very difficult. But it took a long time to get used to it. I'm sure you can too.

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@Dreamerby (3049)

• Calcutta, India

26 Sep 22

@sickly09 Did you ever get into relationships which were unfulfilling? Like your life revolved around them but they did not feel the same for you?

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Uncle Jay, Finding More Value in Your Machine

@mythociate (21437)

• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

25 Sep 22

Well, yes. But I don't think it's "suffering"; I've accepted it. Sometimes it makes me 'react' in weird ways. When I'm in a group of people & feel like 'my contribution' is being ignored, I either "erupt" or I "diminish into bitter, passive-aggressive ruminations (muttering things like 'Oh! Don't mind me! I don't matter! etc.' under my breath)." My 'counselor' observed this, and suggested that--next time I start to feel that way--I should immediately 'recite the "Stuart Smalley"-mantra' (it may be silly; so its just 'recited' silently, to myself, to crowd-out the bitter ruminations).

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Uncle Jay, Finding More Value in Your Machine

@mythociate (21437)

• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

26 Sep 22

@Dreamerby And hopefully their life revolves around you in return

It makes me think of 'the afterlife banquet of four-foot spoons.' Basically, at the dinner-table in the afterlife, you have to use the silverware---forks & spoons with the tines/scoops four feet away from the handles ... impossible to feed yourself there, so you're in Hell if that's the only way you'll eat; but perfectly fine if you feed others (and they feed you), so you're in Heaven if you make sure others are well-fed and they fill you. While you're single, you have to feed yourself (and you know---make sure you're comfortable & entertained etc.) In relationships--while you're STILL the only one that 'knows how you're feeling (if you're hungry, bored, too cold, too hot, etc.)--you share the responsibility to get what you need.

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@Dreamerby (3049)

• Calcutta, India

26 Sep 22

@mythociate No I have never got that reciprocation.

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@Dreamerby (3049)

• Calcutta, India

26 Sep 22

I see. But what about your relationships? I find that I get too involved in the other person so much so that my life kinda revolves around them...

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Jojo

@Sojourn (13836)

• India

25 Sep 22

No, I don't have this problem. I think you feel insecure deep down that is why you act like this. Try to address that insecurity and that feeling of over the top attachment will get solved on its own. Please don't feel offended as I mean to say it's not your fault, maybe some circumstances in your life early has created it.

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@Dreamerby (3049)

• Calcutta, India

26 Sep 22

In my relationships, I have always got too involved in the other person so much so that my life kinda revolves around them...

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CarolDM

@CarolDM (203454)

• Nashville, Tennessee

7 Oct 22

I have never been dependent on anyone. A much better life. I wish you luck.

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CarolDM

@CarolDM (203454)

• Nashville, Tennessee

9 Oct 22

@Dreamerby Prefer not talking about them.

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@Dreamerby (3049)

• Calcutta, India

10 Oct 22

@CarolDM Okay I understand. I have a habit of overthinking and becoming dependent on the other person in a romantic relationship. I am trying to get over it....

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@Dreamerby (3049)

• Calcutta, India

9 Oct 22

What about romantic relationships?

Marie Coyle

@MarieCoyle (28511)

•

2 Oct 22

I have had to be independent and strong since I was a tiny child. The only person I could truly count on was myself. And then of course I married someone who leaned on me emotionally for years, but I didn’t see it at the time. I am not trying to be overly critical of you, you need to take some steps and move forward to be strong and independent. You don’t seem happy with yourself, take some baby steps and you can pull yourself up out of this. Yes, you can!

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Marie Coyle

@MarieCoyle (28511)

•

7 Oct 22

@Dreamerby No, we are not together. We are good friends, and see each other at our children and grandchildren's events and such.

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