Well that was a difficult afternoon
By NJ Chicaa
November 24, 2022 3:18pm CST
I am back here at the apartment after having Thanksgiving dinner with my family. It was my parents, my sister, my BIL, my niece and nephew, and 2 of my parents' friends who we've adopted into the family. I got there at noon which was the time my mother told everyone. Their friends showed up at 12:30 and my sister and her family didn't roll in until after 1 pm. My mother was busy with cooking. My sister and my mom's friend spent their time planning their shopping adventure tomorrow. My father, BIL, and the friend watched football. That left me pretty much sitting by myself out on the porch. I managed to make it through dinner but then I could feel the tears coming. I didn't want to make a scene so I went into another room to compose myself. That didn't last for more than another 10 minutes or so. My sister started talking about her friend getting divorced and then I had to bounce. I don't know when this is going to get any easier. I have been divorced for over 3 years now and I still feel so sad at family gatherings being by myself. It is like there is this big hole where my ex is supposed to be. I cried all the way back here. I'm sure they all think I'm nuts and maybe I am.
7 people like this
• United Kingdom
I'm sorry you had such an upsetting time. Being on your own can be really hard in situations like that. But it could still be hard even if you were part of a couple, if you were not interested in what the others were doing/ talking about. If your partner was watching football with 'the boys' would you be watching too, or talking about shopping with you mom's friend? Or cooking with your mom? Or would he be helping with the food while you watched football? Would you want to do those things? And if so, why couldn't you have done them today? I might be playing devil's advocate here, but even if you had a partner you can still feel left out, and unless your partner stuck to your side the whole time you would still feel like that. I remember going to a work social event with my then boyfriend, and I couldn't believe I was there with these boring people, with whom I had absolutely nothing in common other than that my boyfriend worked for the same company that they or their partners did. I did actually start crying at one point! Try not to define yourself just as someone else's partner, you are a valuable person in your own right!
• United States
Thanks. I know I am but I just didn't feel like anyone particularly cared that I was there. Holidays and family events are very difficult for me. I was with my ex for 20 years which is like half of my life. It just doesn't feel right to be at that stuff without him.
• United States
I agree with what Kharla said. You aren't opening yourself up for a new relationship; so of course you are going to lament the one that you're still in. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you; but I don't. Try and have a good day.