Toxic negativity / myLot

United States

November 28, 2022 3:50pm CST

Hi friends. It's fairly safe to say that I'm a worry wart. When I was a teen my dad told me that he just imagined things would go wrong in life, so that when things actually did work out, he was happily surprised. It made sense to me. I thought it was one of the smartest things I'd heard. But then again, my dad was very mentally ill and sad person. So many times he would ruin special occasions , with getting mad. Screaming and yelling because he was fearing some IMAGINED circumstance. He was so caught up in his fears that he missed out on life. In turn, getting yelled and screamed at for no reason made those people who were close to him angry, understandably enough. So then, he really did have a problem of his own creating right there. That's why that isn't a great outlook. It makes problems that weren';t there to begin with. It hurts people around you and you, yourself. Graphic made with the DAWN AI app

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6 responses

Judy Evans

@JudyEv (382104)

• Rockingham, Australia

29 Nov 22

As a child, I had unrealistic expectations about lots of things and would get bitterly disappointed if an event didn't match my imaginings. I don't imagine the worst but I don't build up hopes either. I very much hope I don't spoil things for others. I don't think I'm negative in that way but I know sometimes people wonder why I'm not more excited about something.

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Judy Evans

@JudyEv (382104)

• Rockingham, Australia

30 Nov 22

@FayeHazel I guess we each have our own way of dealing with such disappointments. By mistake, my friend ordered a cherry blossom pink car thinking it would be a bright pink but when it arrived it was a very pale pink. She was devastated for quite a while as she'd had her heart set on that particular colour. I try not to get so intense about such things but we're all different.

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Faye

@FayeHazel (40230)

• United States

1 Dec 22

@JudyEv True. I can understand your friend's disappointment. I hope she came to like it eventually. Actually, on a car, light pink sounds really nice. I'm impressed - here it seems like most of the cars on the road are black, white, silver, red, or blue. Sometimes you'll see a different color, but it's very rare. I've always wondered why the lack of variety here. I used to get very down about little things. Thankfully I have learned different and do better now. There are very few things in life worth being that upset about.

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Faye

@FayeHazel (40230)

• United States

29 Nov 22

Aw, I feel you. I know what you mean though. Sometimes when I'm really really looking forward to something, it rarely seems to meet expectations and leaves me feeling deflated. However if I imagine it as being neutral it seems like I am easier able to enjoy the small moments. I think your outlook is wise. I know that some schools of thought say to imagine the greatest and best things in life, but.... wouldn't you be disappointed if that doesn't happen?

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George B Vieto

@Deepizzaguy (122162)

• Lake Charles, Louisiana

28 Nov 22

There is a saying that goes something like "Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy."

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George B Vieto

@Deepizzaguy (122162)

• Lake Charles, Louisiana

29 Nov 22

@FayeHazel It is one part of me that I am trying to overcome worrying about items that I cannot control.

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Faye

@FayeHazel (40230)

• United States

29 Nov 22

Yes, that is a very wise saying indeed

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Faye

@FayeHazel (40230)

• United States

1 Dec 22

@Deepizzaguy That's wise. I try too, but it is difficult indeed

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snowy

@snowy22315 (208921)

• United States

28 Nov 22

It seems it would be very stressful imagining things were going to go wrong all the time.

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Faye

@FayeHazel (40230)

• United States

29 Nov 22

Yes, it really was for him. More often than not things went worse for him than they would have.

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Four Walls

@FourWalls (86707)

• United States

29 Nov 22

I remember the professor in one of my psychology classes (mandatory classes, I didn’t major or minor in psychology) asking us if we remembered what we’d been worried about one year ago. He said that, unless it was a major issue like a health scare or a catastrophe, you were probably worrying about nothing. And he was right. But dang it’s hard to not do that. I think it’s because our culture has become one of fear: that’s how politicians run their campaign (“If you don’t vote for me your grandmother is going to be eating cat food”), and even something as innocuous as the weather gets a “fearmongering” tease in the news (“Sunny weather today, but how long until the next blizzard?” [And they say that in June!]). I hope you’ve been able to move past that bad advice.

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Faye

@FayeHazel (40230)

• United States

29 Nov 22

Oh wow. That's a very good point actually. Thanks for sharing that. You're right though, it's hard to not do. I try to be better about it

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