I wanted to die today

Banks, Oregon
July 21, 2023 2:03am CST
I feel so bad for it but today when I was overwhelmed with stress I wrote "I just want to die" as my Facebook status.... I knew instantly I shouldn't have, I should have stayed off social media the place where it's so easy to splatter your feelings the instant you feel them. I've been so overwhelmed with stress lately after raising my Great nephew from birth till three years old my niece has taken him out of state with her most recent loser boyfriend. I have been crying everyday and having panic attacks worried sick... It's not that I don't trust my niece it's just that I don't trust the man she's with, I just want her and him to be safe and be with someone I feel will be protective and not some coward who is mooching off of her with no job. I'm just so tired of the stress, I feel like I've been through so much hell the last few years, My Grandma died in November, My Cousin in December, My Brothers Schizophrenia, My Nieces accident, My sister's drug addiction, my sister losing custody of her three of her children, losing friends, I just got so overwhelmed today, I'm going in for counseling this weekend I already made an appointment.... I just feel like my reason for living is gone if I don't have someone to care for which I know isn't right.... And I do have another great niece from my other niece but she has not needed a lot of help.... I know I should have been a father in this life instead I help raise my nieces and nephews and no fault of my own they are taken away and I no longer am needed... I am sorry for venting on here I know I'm depressing.
9 people like this
6 responses
@AmbiePam (90359)
• United States
21 Jul 23
You are taking the right first step by going to counseling. Someone will help you start to sort through your feelings. Your family does need you still, and by taking care of yourself, you are helping them. I can't possibly understand your pain, but you are not alone, and things can get better. You just need to stick around to see that can be true.
3 people like this
• Banks, Oregon
21 Jul 23
Thank you Amber I'm trying to just breathe
2 people like this
@jstory07 (138764)
• Roseburg, Oregon
21 Jul 23
I will pray for you and your family. I do not know what to say to help you feel better. I hope the counseling will help you feel better. Your niece was born at the same time my great grand daughter was born. I hope her and her mother will be ok and your niece will realize her boyfriend is a loser and leave him.
2 people like this
• Banks, Oregon
21 Jul 23
My Great Nephew is almost three it's his mother my eldest niece who has the loser boyfriend, my other niece is the one who is a new mother of my Great niece who was born June 25th
2 people like this
@jstory07 (138764)
• Roseburg, Oregon
21 Jul 23
@chrissbergstrom Has her mother said anything to her about the loser boyfriend.
1 person likes this
• Banks, Oregon
21 Jul 23
@jstory07 my nieces mother (my sister) is an addict and has never been a mother to her.... My mother and me raised both my oldest nieces.
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (12290)
• United States
22 Jul 23
Sometimes life is just hard and I'm glad you are seeking help. Depression is a lot and with everything you have been through you are bound to feel the way you do. I'm sorry things have been so hard for you. The hard part about kids that aren't your own is you don't really get a say in how they are raised. Their parents are the ones who have the final say in everything. When my niece was a baby I practically helped raise her while my sister was working two jobs to support her and it doesn't matter how much I did for her at the end of the day her mom was her parent, not me and she could do whatever she wanted and we had to just sit back and watch it happen whether it was good or bad. It's a lot different with my son. I've rarely ever had anyone else watch him. I've been the one who has pretty much raised him. My husband works a lot so it has always been up to me to take care of everything for him. It's a very different experience raising your own vs. helping raise someone else's child. We don't have to agree with everything someone does with their child but unfortunately, we still have to accept it and just pray everything turns out ok no matter how hard it is. If the guy is as horrible as you say he is hopefully she'll wise up and she will come back soon enough. Sometimes people need to learn things the hard way and hopefully, she realizes it before the guy has the chance to do anything to either of them. With age comes wisdom and hopefully as she grows up she'll get her act together and put her son first before just jumping into relationships with losers. Some women just trust men too easily before even really knowing them because they think they are in love but sometimes they outgrow that with age and experience and hopefully that's the case with her.
2 people like this
• Banks, Oregon
22 Jul 23
I know it's so hard but I need to let go and let God and just trust that they will come back when they need me and I just pray they are ok despite hating this loser guy
2 people like this
@sissy15 (12290)
• United States
22 Jul 23
@chrissbergstrom Hopefully while the guy is a loser he isn't abusive and won't hurt them. She has always had you to lean on and she may soon realize how hard it is to do it all on her own and come back. Part of the reason I've never left where I'm from is because of my son. I couldn't take him away from everything and everyone he knows. I thought about leaving a few times but ultimately didn't want to do that to him. I know some people have to but I couldn't do that for some random guy unless I really knew him and loved him. Hopefully, she'll come around soon. Until then just hope and pray they remain safe. Unfortunately, when you try to talk to people and tell them what they're doing is wrong it pushes them away further which means you get stuck sitting and waiting and hoping. I really do hope things get better for you I know things have been hard for you based on everything you've said. The upside of life is seldom do things stay that way forever.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (178560)
• United States
21 Jul 23
I am so sorry, and please follow up with that counseling. You have so many stressors going on, it is hard to cope with them all I understand.. Feel free to post here if it helps.
2 people like this
• Banks, Oregon
22 Jul 23
Thanks
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (174214)
• United States
21 Jul 23
You say you don't have someone who cares? What about all of us? I'm glad you're going for therapy. You need someone else to vent to. You don't ever have to be sorry for venting here. We are here to listen. We couldn't possibly know how hard it is for you; but know that we all care. God bless you and I wish you luck.
2 people like this
@MarieCoyle (35548)
22 Jul 23
I am glad you are going to talk with someone to help you work through this. I don't think anyone is supposed to go through as much as you have been. You need some time to learn to be just you, and to realize that while it's so wonderful to be loved and needed, you also need to love yourself and take care of you. You seem to be a very nice person, you deserve to be happy. Don't give up!
2 people like this
• Banks, Oregon
22 Jul 23
Thank you and yes I know I keep having this discussion with family and friends it's time for me to start living for myself and not for others
2 people like this
@MarieCoyle (35548)
22 Jul 23
@chrissbergstrom That's a big first step, Chris. Be proud of yourself that you reached out for counseling as well as to chat on here. It helps to have others to talk to. Just don't forget, Chris Bergstrom is someone important, too!
1 person likes this