Probably I'm being stupid

@dawnald (85130)
Shingle Springs, California
December 27, 2023 6:03pm CST
Back in 2009 and 2010, there were a lot of posts about my marital problems, my decision to divorce, etc. etc. etc. I got a lot of validation back at that time. My ex would do something mean, I'd try and figure out if my perception of things was wrong because i was feeling gaslit, and usually I'd get someone telling me that I was not wrong. After a big blowup where he put the kids in the middle, after which he would not admit that he had a problem, I did decide to divorce him. And other than one guy named Andy, who I don't believe is on the site any more, everyone pretty much agreed with me. I don't really regret my choice. The situation at the time had me mentally in a muddle, and I couldn't handle the kids' sad faces any more. I needed distance. Even his breathing irritated me at that time. I was in another relationship for 11 years, and I ended it because I didn't like how the man treated people. When that one ended, my ex made a point of calling me and telling me he wasn't going to "make a play" for me. "The way is shut". "You shall not pass". lol Then I was in a short relationship that also didn't work out. Since then, I've been single almost 11 months, and I'm almost over the last guy. I really did fall for him, alas, and it took some time. Then along comes the ex husband and makes a comment that has been messing with my head. I had gone up to Arcata to bring Naomi back for winter break, and Dearra went with me. Before heading home, we had an early dinner at a seafood place in Eureka, and I sent the ex a picture of his two girls with the water behind him. He sent a comment back, something about his "three girls enjoying a beach day". Drove home, and sent him a text saying "three girls home safe". Had a rather salacious dream about him, and cannot help wondering if the door is or isn't open just a crack. Probably imagining things. *smacks self
4 people like this
4 responses
@BarBaraPrz (45403)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
28 Dec
Ask yourself what it is you really want. Do you want to give it a go or are you just lonely? How would things be different this time?
2 people like this
@dawnald (85130)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Dec
I'm pretty aware of what had me doing things the way that I did them. Whether I can change habits ingrained since childhood is the big question for me.
2 people like this
@BarBaraPrz (45403)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
28 Dec
@dawnald Good luck.
@celticeagle (158345)
• Boise, Idaho
28 Dec
Sounds like some self-worth issues at hand here. You seem to keep picking guys who treat people (including you and your daughters) badly. Boundry issues abound as well. I'd be taking a long look at myself and see if I deserve these types or if I need to do some heavy-duty evaluating of myself and see what I deserve in this life. You only go through once and if you keep picking men who aren't for you happiness is going to slip away. Happy New Year!
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85130)
• Shingle Springs, California
29 Dec
The last guy never met my girls, and the guy before did have a temper and my kids didn't like him, but he never mistreated them. As for my ex-husband, yes, there were issues, on both sides. I think maybe we've talked enough that we both recognize what they were, why they happened, and hopefully how to avoid them. Or possibly not. Some things are more or less hardwired. The kids are grown, and that's not a factor any more. But I'm not going to push anything.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85130)
• Shingle Springs, California
30 Dec
@celticeagle Yes, there's verbal abuse too. I'm not going to push the idea of a relationship with my ex.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (158345)
• Boise, Idaho
29 Dec
@dawnald ........Abusive doesn't just mean physical. It can mean mental and be just as hurtful. Push anything? Not sure what you mean.
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@RebeccasFarm (86085)
• United States
28 Dec
You never know Dawn.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85130)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Dec
True, you never do
1 person likes this
@jstory07 (134123)
• Roseburg, Oregon
28 Dec
Take it slow this time it is better to be safe than sorry. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
1 person likes this