You can Buy What? #1

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Late last year—or maybe earlier this year? Time is fake—I started a series about weird products you could buy online. Then life did its thing (chaos), and I dropped the ball like a buttered football. But now, with a new computer and a steady stream of fresh absurdity flooding the internet daily, I figured it’s time to bring it back. New name, same weird energy. How long will this last? Who knows. Maybe three posts. Maybe I spiral into a full-blown obsession and become the QVC of cursed objects. Either way, let’s enjoy the ride while it lasts. Today's bizarre beauty comes from the ever-chaotic minds at Archie McPhee, a company based in Seattle that has cornered the market on “Why does this exist?” products. I actually visited their store once—years ago, when malls still had arcades and we had hope. They specialize in the kind of stuff you didn’t know you didn’t need: candy that shouldn’t exist, novelty noisemakers, rubber chickens dressed like historical figures. If it makes you say “Why?” they sell it. Enter the capybara. Capybaras have been trending for a while now. Why? No one really knows. Maybe it's because they look like giant guinea pigs who’ve seen some things but still choose peace. Or maybe it’s just another weird internet thing—thanks, TikTok. And peanuts? Timeless. Boring, maybe. But reliable. Always the snack, never the meme. So what do you get when you combine a zen rodent and a humble legume? A capybara in a peanut. Wait, no—a capybara driving a peanut-shaped car. Because clearly, regular peanuts weren’t whimsical enough. This is 2025. We demand rodent-operated vehicles. And for the low, low price of $9.95, you too can own this marvel of modern nonsense. That’s less than a latte and approximately the same price as your dignity after explaining to your friends why you bought it. So...is this a buy or a trash for you? Personally? I kind of want to get two so they can drag race.