My best friend's sister died

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Last night I learned of the death of my best friend's sister. It hits hard. They believe it was suicide, and I don't have many details beyond that, nor would I ask. The thing about suicide is you seldom see it coming. They seem happy when you see them, but inside, they're hiding so much. You always scan your brain trying to think of the signs you missed when you last saw them. You wonder if there was anything you could have personally done to help prevent it. My friend's sister was only 33 or 34. She had two boys who are younger than my son. They were her whole life. One had a compromised immune system and she home taught them both and seldom went out in fear of bringing germs home to him. She wore a mask everywhere she went. I know she had some mental health issues, but I never realized how severe they were. She briefly worked with my husband at his second job, but said her boys were having a tough time with her not being home, so she quit. I feel like her hardly ever leaving may have had something to do with her mental health. I don't think her life was the best, but of course, that's speculation on my part. She seldom talked to her brother, and I don't know how much she talked to her mom. Her dad died via overdose several years ago and she took that hard because she was arguing with him at the time and felt a lot of guilt. My friend told me that his mom had heard from her husband's dad and sister but not her husband and that they had given the dad and sister their numbers to give to her husband. I thought it was odd that a man she had been with for so long didn't have their numbers or reach out but then again I also understand there's a lot happening and he's probably still processing. I just felt my friend's sister was so shut in and maybe I'm wrong but that's the way it always felt to me. His sister was always the life of the party when she was younger and so outgoing to suddenly rarely going anywhere and always being home with her boys. I can't imagine that helped with her mental health. I really hope her boys didn't find her. I keep thinking for someone who quit her job because her boys were having a difficult time with her being gone are going to be devastated. I keep thinking that all those sacrifices she made to keep her son as healthy as she could are being wasted because he's going to have to go out in public now, because his dad is going to have to work to support them and she won't be there to keep them at home. I have to believe if she had stopped to think for even a minute, she wouldn't have done it. The thing about suicide is that they never think about what they're leaving behind. They're so lost in their pain and suffering they don't think everything through reasonably. They might think they're doing everyone a favor in some cases, but they aren't thinking rationally. They don't think about what their leaving will actually do to people. I keep thinking about the last few interactions I had with her. I keep thinking how incredibly kind she was. I think about the sacrifices she made because she loved her kids. I think about her boys' pain and her mom and her brother. I didn't know her husband well. I don't know what their relationship was like. I can only imagine it has to hurt him, too, but I also don't know how he treated her. I still find it incredibly odd that she seldom talked to her brother when they used to be close. I think it's odd that her husband didn't have their numbers. I understand not talking to someone's family but usually you have their numbers for emergencies (I understand this isn't always the case for one reason or another). I also heard her husband could be a hot head but maybe not. I couldn't tell you what he is like because I don't know him. She stayed with him, so I'm guessing she loved him. I really hope there was no abuse there, considering she seemed so cut off from the world around her. I always figured it was due to her son but now I'm not completely sure that's what it was. I don't want to just say the guy wasn't any good or that he had anything to do with it because I don't know. I would hope that my friend's mom would have noticed her being different if that were the case, but I'm not sure how much she talked to her mom. I have one picture of my friend's sister and it always makes me smile. Her smile was contagious and lit up the room. My friend was in town and he and his sister decided to come over and surprise me. My son was about two at the time and had this little plastic bike and his sister squatted down and sat on it and we all laughed. She was always outgoing and made you feel comfortable. She had this way about her that it was difficult not to like her. I just hope she's at peace. This completely took me off guard and I feel so sad. I have had people in my life die before and die young and they always hurt but something about this one hits harder than usual. Maybe it's because I still remember her as my friend's kid sister or maybe it's because I know she just left two beautiful boys without a mom when she was pretty much their entire world. I wonder how they're going to get along without her. She deserved more from this life than the sadness she clearly felt for so long. Her boys deserved a mother who got to watch them grow up. My takeaway is to watch those you care about. Make sure they're not just plastering smiles on their faces. Really watch for changes in their personality. I wasn't close enough to see the changes in her because she kept herself distant, and maybe that should have been a sign in itself, but I always thought it was because of her son, and now I'm questioning more things. Make sure you see those signs in the people you love and care about. I wish I had been closer and would have seen the signs. You never know what people are really thinking and feeling. Those who are suicidal rarely tell you they're suicidal. The changes are so subtle that you often miss them. Take the time to look and to see. I wish I had been closer and could have seen them.