I Wish Things Were Better

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I wish that today I could go through everything like I usually do. That it was just a normal day. Dad went to the kidney doctor yesterday and he decided to give my dad three months to live. We don't accept that. We're not going to give up. We are trying to get dad home now. The physical therapy group isn't looking at dad getting much better. He is making progress but it's minimal. I'm spending today looking up power of attorney and wills and trusts and all the things I don't want to know about right now. I'm looking up help to make the house wheel chair accessible. I'm pushing yard sale things for sale because we need the extra money and yet need all of the stuff out of the house very shortly. Life is going to change drastically very soon and I need to get ready like now. We're not giving up but we do want to be prepared. Dad even said he's not giving up but we all needed time to just process. I haven't broken down yet but man am I close. He's so normal right now. He's eating again, he's drinking. We spent last night talking football. There is nothing other than him being in that hospital bed that would make you think he's sick. When we use the lymphadema machine on his legs, the swelling goes down. We don't believe the timeline. I refuse to accept it. I know people that have lived years after diagnosed with heart failure. Anywhere between 7 and 11 years after. This is not the end and we'll keep fighting. I wish I could write better news but right now I just can't. I can't sit here and think of everything I need to do. Everything that I want to do. Things that I have done. No one knows right now. We've kept it in the family and it's part of what's breaking me. I told Charlotte last night and even she said he's not allowed to go anywhere. Aunt Jerrie will be here in a few weeks to see him and mom will tell her then, not over the phone. I'm going to have a yardsale on the 23rd, or try to. The rain needs to cooperate. It'll be a huge one too, like we're pushing everything out. Don't let my day get you down though. What are you getting into today?