Language, language.

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I’m reaching out to all who deign to read my request. I’ve been painting my daughter’s bedroom (pink of course) and I’m not gifted in the art of home decoration. Actually I’m fairly useless. I’ve just bent over to dip my brush in the can of paint and in so doing stuck my beam end up against the wall I’ve just painted and now there a butt print on the wall and I need to change my jeans before I inadvertently sit on something else. These things keep happening and it’s very frustrating. What I wish to ask is, do you know any suitable bad words I can use in this situation? I need some salty verbiage to help me express the depth of feeling welling up inside. Nothing too piquant of course, nothing that would burn the lips of a retired gentleman of the cloth, but perhaps with more vigour than just knickers, bum or sugar. Thanking you in advance.