Go Big or Go Home - "She's Got a Big Boyfriend"

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If you have a sense of humor (unlike the protagonist in today’s song,) or are just easily amused, you might just get a chuckle out of this one. You should expect that a band called “Blotto” might have a bit of a sense of humor, and Blotto had it in spades. If you were listening to College Radio in the 80’s (or, Dr. Demento, for that matter,) you might have even heard a few of their tongue-in-cheek songs at some point. You might have heard “I Wanna Be a Lifeguard” (a big one for them,) or “My Baby’s the Star of a Driver’s Ed Movie,” or even their spy sendoff, “Goodbye, Mr. Bond.” Dude introduces his buddy to a beautiful girl. The first giveaway that he has no chance is that “she’s too attractive to be true.” Smitten, our guy continues pondering. She might be unattainable, but the other problem is that “She’s Got a Big Boyfriend.” He ponders some more. His friends continue warning him of the physical consequences of trying to date this Goddess. “She’s Got a Big Boyfriend” is from Blotto’s 1980 EP, Across and Down, which came with a crossword puzzle on the cover (sense of humor, remember?) They didn’t have big mainstream hits, and they weren’t exactly a household name, but Blotto did achieve enough notoriety to tour with Blue Oyster Cult as their opening act in 1982. A documentary about the band, called Hello! My Name is Blotto THE MOVIE!, was released in 2025. Link is to the studio EP version: