When you feel bad for kids but enough is enough

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I made a post about a girl I knew and had worked with previously, and it reminded me of two other now 5th graders. I have mentioned in the past that the now-5th graders are an extremely rough group. There is one kid in particular who absolutely drives me nuts. I understand their home life has been really difficult, which is why I sometimes give him/them a pass. He has an identical twin brother. The brother isn't as bad, and I can usually reason with him. I can understand him, and he will usually listen to me. He still does some really bad stuff, but I can tell deep down he cares. He is only acting out because of his home life, and whenever something bad happens at home, his behavior gets worse at school. He has a very sweet side, and I can usually find it in him. The other brother, though, is absolutely terrible. He doesn't respect anyone. He's mouthy and defiant and always doing stuff to get attention. Unlike the little girl I mentioned and his brother, I don't see a lot of redeeming qualities in him. He just doesn't care about anyone or anything. I do think he thinks he is his dad's son so therefore he must be just like him. I think there's a part of himself that hates himself, so he tries to shove everyone away. He's been hurt so much that he thinks he has to hurt others before they can hurt him because he's already been hurt enough; that said, though, there comes a point where that doesn't matter if all you're doing is being rude and disrespectful to everyone around you. He is the only kid I could have possibly walked out on my job over if I didn't have restraint. They have had a rough life, and I understand that. They were raised by their grandparents because their dad went to prison, and their mom basically said she didn't want them. They went home from the hospital with their dad's parents. Their grandparents are nice but they don't actually discipline them the way they should. They basically let the boys (with their older brother) run the household. Things got out of hand when their dad got out of prison and moved back in with the boys and his parents. Their dad was in prison for domestic abuse. The boys' behaviors escalated. Their grandparents got divorced over the son being there because their grandma couldn't take the son being in the house and being disrespectful to her all the time. Once again, the boys' behaviors escalated. Then they witnessed their father beat his girlfriend, and once again their behaviors escalated. Whenever I would talk to the one brother, he told me he didn't care if he ended up in prison because his dad went to prison, and his dad said it was fun. We have all informed him it is not fun and that if his dad told him that, it wasn't true. He is almost guaranteed to end up in prison himself one day unless he changes his behavior. He has beaten up and bullied the kids I work with. He is mean and cruel. He mentally messes with them by being friendly towards them one day and then teasing and taunting them the next, and they don't understand that behavior. It confuses them. I'm sorry about his circumstances; no one should have to deal with what he has to deal with, but it's no longer an excuse. He is at a point where they are going to struggle to get him under control. His grandparents never should have been given custody. They clearly messed up the job the first time, and they are continuing to mess up now. Those boys have no real rules or guidance. They have free rein to pretty much go where they want when they want. They were bragging about how they were playing outside during a tornado warning. As a parent, I would be very concerned if my kids weren't home during a storm. I would not have let them leave if I knew the weather was bad. Their grandmother admitted to letting the boys get cell phones simply because she knew the grandfather didn't want them to have them. What kind of parenting is that? Yes, they're sweet. Yes, they probably had good intentions, but being a parent means setting rules and boundaries and disciplining children when they misbehave. The biggest reason these boys are like this is because of what they allowed to take place around them. They allowed their dad to come back into the picture knowing what he did. I guess the grandmother even takes them to see him in prison when she was a firsthand witness to how he abused his girlfriend in front of her and the boys. They are sweet, and I think they love the boys, but they don't do what is best for them. It's like they're afraid to actually discipline them. They didn't discipline them when they were little, so of course they have no control now. I was a scout leader for the boys for a while, and I remember their grandfather telling them no but not actually following through. Now the boys know they have the power to do whatever they want whenever they want, and no one really does anything about it. Nothing will ever change because of this. I'm frustrated, and I'm sad. They absolutely deserved better. I know there are reasons behind their behavior, but now they're at a point where there's not a whole lot of redemption unless someone steps in very soon. I keep hoping one day they'll mess with the wrong person and they'll knock some sense into them, not so bad that they die or get hospitalized, but so that it makes them realize there are serious consequences for what they say and do. They've gone their whole lives basically just doing whatever they wanted with no real consequences; I think there needs to be something that puts them in their place before the criminal justice system does, which obviously hasn't done a whole lot for their father.