relationship help please!!!

United States
December 7, 2006 1:24pm CST
My name is zoe.. I've been with Mike my boyfriend for three and a half years.. We have two beautiful girls together, but lately things are falling apart.. he works, i work and we still constantly fight about everything?? I dont know what to do.. I mean we are barely around each other and when we are together we fight and argue about the stupidest stuff... why it that?? I dont know what to do, its making me depressed thinking about what im doing wrong?? or where our relationship is going wrong.. Any ideas on how to talk to him about it.. when i try to talk to him we end up fighting again.. i just need so advice to kind of push me in the right direction.. thanks
2 people like this
36 responses
@bronie123 (4589)
• United States
7 Dec 06
Hey Zoe sorry about your problems i don't really think there is any EASY way to talk to him but i do have a suggestion about what to talk about me and my fiance did this one night. I'm not sure if he would do this with you or not but it helped me and my fiance out!!! On night both of us sat down and with each us with a sheet or paper wrote what problems we had with the other and what we would change about the other then we exchange the list and talked about each thing we had wrote !! This really helped our relationship out and we haven't fought nearly as much as before so give it a shot :) I hope this helps some have a great day :)
@acosjo (1904)
• Canada
7 Dec 06
Yes, I agree with the writing, very smart. I'm sorry to hear things are going the way ther are. I've been there. You just have to do what is best for you and the kids.
@zotopec (307)
• Pakistan
8 Dec 06
I second this suggestion,,,very good.
• United States
8 Dec 06
I don't think this would work for me! haha.. I would probably be mad about the things he wrote! but it is worth a try if you fight now how worse can it get. I am sorry though to hear about this especially since you guys have kids. My boyfriend and I use to fight all the time but since the kids have been in our lives we have settled down on the fighting A LOT.. We have an outbreak maybe once every few months or so. Well I hope the best for you. If he is willing to just sit and talk about it maybe you both will learn that eachother is doing something to make the other mad.
@mkup30 (494)
• United States
8 Dec 06
I think you two should take a break from eachother, seems like you both need it. If you cant talk without fighting, seek professional help if you really want to make this work...and I think you should try very hard since this is the father of your children. good luck
@killailla (1301)
• Canada
8 Dec 06
write him a letter, i went through a similar thing and when i went to work one day i left a really long heart felt letter, things got so much better after that!
@emarie (5451)
• United States
8 Dec 06
it may be just stress, if both of you are stressed at work, then of course it'll come home as well. are you having fincacial problems..that always causes fighting between couples. also, when me and my husband were fighting over nothing, i was on bc pills and my hormones were out of wack and i seemed to be pretty emotional and irate most of the times. what you need is to spend quality time with each other, your lived might just be to busy to be a couple. take some time, go out on a date...couples with children should try to get out alone at least once a week...although me and my husband go out once a month..it still helps out a lot. it rekindels the relationship...makes you remember why you stared going out in the first place. and about fighting about stupid things, most of the time there is a BIGGER thing you're fighting about. you just need to figure out what that thing is and then resolve it....it should help
• India
8 Dec 06
well hi Zoe, thts really sad that u ppl are havin lots of arguments after being togather for so long. You know what you are going through is the toughest part of being in a relationship is, if u can really come over this phase, you two can be togather for whole life no matter what goes wrong. solution to ur problem lies in ur problem only You hav been working a lot and hardly spend time togather you people have been growing apart lately. Now remember those days when you two started gowing around you really wont leave him alone right. thats what is needed to take a relationship forward, time with each other. I am not askin you to leave ur job be togather for at least 2 hrs a week but then be togather make sure you go for picnic every alternate weekend. take ur gals for ride togather on holiday do christmas shopping. And doin all this keep urself free of any pessimistic thoughts or doubts. i am sure things will work Best of Luck Manu
• India
8 Dec 06
hmmmm....i guess u need a holiday....so drop ur kids off to thier grandparents place.....n u and ur husband should for for a holiday.....maybe to Tahiti....
• Netherlands
8 Dec 06
There is always the answer: Try talking it out. See what it is you are really fighting about. It is true though. Normally when a couple constantly fight about stupid stuff it is just that the stupid stuffis being used as an excuse. Maybe he doesn't want to really admit to what is bugging him. I would try to have a talk but then I would try just not responding when he wants to fight. Stop fighting back just ignore him when it starts up. This will get his attention. Tell him you refuse to fight over nothing and he can continue by himself.
@wynna1 (1291)
8 Dec 06
I think the both of you are just too busy with your work. Maybe you need a break, its seems like stress is tearing you apart with each other. Why not go for a vacation and spend time with each other or maybe think of something the you both enjoying doing and then do it. Dont put your relationship into waste its just a matter of finding time for each other and relax. Be strong and dont ever give up.
@kerbausama (1336)
• Malaysia
8 Dec 06
i think both of you should have adinner together(without child),forget about the past a while and try to pull back the beutiful memory in yours life.i know this might be hard to believe but when you have a short momment together,four eyes engages, you will feel free and happy at the bottom of your heart..try to believe this..good luck!
@123Jackey (284)
• China
8 Dec 06
i think you are under press.you said both your husband and you are at work,and you have two kids.so both you and mike are busy at most of the time,in this situation,fight is inevitatble,at the time,one of you have to keep back,then the fight will stop slowly.
@mslena75 (562)
• United States
8 Dec 06
Sounds like there is something underlying...but it could be oh so many things. You are both working a lot...money issues? The fact that you truly don't spend much time together? Work stresses? Do you need some alone time away from the kids? I think you just need to both sit down and think about what is really at the root of the tension for each of you and then share with each other...or sometimes you just need to have a good knock 'em down, drag 'em out fight and get it all of out of your systems! LOL Good luck!
@lumanci (1111)
• Italy
8 Dec 06
I believe that you am normal in a relationship of couple to quarrel. The thing more main point is however not to exaggerate.
• India
8 Dec 06
my best advice u tak som dayz off.....n together go on a tour onlu the two of u
@hm1177 (1223)
8 Dec 06
its the pressure of having little kids. They are so demanding and if you are both working its hard to find time together. Just try and find time together to have a heart to heart
@lumanci (1111)
• Italy
8 Dec 06
I believe that you am normal in a relationship of couple to quarrel. The thing more main point is however not to exaggerate.
@xtinelee (3377)
• Singapore
8 Dec 06
Hmm. I think both of you should take a break from your work and have a short holidays for you two to find your love again? Or just a short getaway. It might be the stress.
@banta78 (4334)
• India
8 Dec 06
I think you both need to calm down, relax , go to movies, have dinner, and have quality time together. Even go for vacations. You both can try yoga, meditation activities which you both can do together it will help you both to calm down and be at peace with each other. then follow the writing suggestion and wite your differences , air your views without shouting at each other because that will make you both mad and won't resolve the issue. If everyting fails, try relationship counsellor, marriage counsellor or some family elders that you both respect that can be helpful.
@banta78 (4334)
• India
8 Dec 06
I think you both need to calm down, relax , go to movies, have dinner, and have quality time together. Even go for vacations. You both can try yoga, meditation activities which you both can do together it will help you both to calm down and be at peace with each other. then follow the writing suggestion and wite your differences , air your views without shouting at each other because that will make you both mad and won't resolve the issue. If everyting fails, try relationship counsellor, marriage counsellor or some family elders that you both respect that can be helpful.
@hazydazy (783)
• United States
8 Dec 06
I think that you two need a break. You have to be exhausted. You both work, 2 kids, and a house to take care of, bills to pay, and all the other crap that goes along with life. Stop and spend a weekend together, just you and him. Have someone take care of the girls and excape. Spend time talking and reliving what made you fall in love. I sounds to me like you love him or you would not have asked the questioin. All couples go through hard times. You just need to remember that in the end after the kids are grown it is you and him. That is not the time to try and stoke the fire, now is.
@mcbota (2126)
• Romania
8 Dec 06
I can give u a prctical advice that I heard it and seems very good: try to act and act in a such manneras u acted when u really loved him at the beginning of your relationDont argue with him anymore just please him by words,facts,love.make him to feel again loved as he was at the beginning.dont quit even if u will see no result after some days ,Please continue for 3 weeks lets say.At the beginning maybe u will think is weirs and maybe he will ask what happened with u and just tell him that u love him! and Surely u will see that the love will be back in your heart and u will make him to love u back.