About Your Firstborn and Second...

@em12ma (396)
United States
December 8, 2006 3:29pm CST
I would like to know from parents out there if your firstborn are more aggressive & more responsible than your second one? The reason why I started to ask this is because during one of our gatherings (with our friends), we kinda bumped into this topic. I found out that all of us (the parents) share the same experiences/situations wherein our first borns are the ones who are more aggressive, talkative, studious and are more inclined to take responsibilties seriously than our second child who's more soft-spoken, more well-behaved, and seems to be like the "doesn't care at all" type. Now since finding out this fact, I would like to know if you have the same or similar situation? Or if you're not a parent (yet), does the same situation apply in your family? I was quite amazed finding out about this so I'm just really curious to know if it is also true in your end. Or is it the other way around (your second born being the more aggressive type)?
21 responses
@Ambur25 (1007)
• United States
9 Dec 06
I have two boys. My oldest son is very polite, nice, well behaved, well mannered. My youngest, however, is loud, roudy, doesn't care for authority, and definately doesn't care about anything. On the same note, he is such a sweetheart, and if he truly realizes he's hurting someone or making someone sad, it will definately break his heart. Both of my boys are like that though.
@em12ma (396)
• United States
13 Dec 06
My boys have a few common personalities too (being sweet & thoughtful). So I guess whichever way, they give us parents some joy and happiness.
@jenniem (89)
• United States
9 Dec 06
I'm not a parent, but a nanny for three children. I wouldn't say the oldest is more aggressive, but definitely very indepedent and likes to have a say and be heard. In my experience, the second child is more soft spoken. The oldest has a tendency to break out in tantrums, while the youngest rarely does. The oldest is also more difficult about what she does and doesn't like to eat. The youngest child will do this too, but more to be like his older sister.
@em12ma (396)
• United States
11 Dec 06
That is true in my case too.
@Stephanie5 (2947)
• United States
9 Dec 06
I have 5 of my own and 4 step and my oldest is DEFINETLY the more aggressive one...then my 3rd, then my 5th, seemed to skip everyother child, lol. My second child was the best baby in the world and the best toddler. You never had to tell him more than once about something, he was so well behaved, he wasn't as nosey as the first. He was just an easy going baby and toddler. I loved it! I don't know, maybe you are onto something, lol Come to think of it, I was the oldest of my siblings and I was WAYY more outgoing than my next younger sis. She was always the quiet one and I was always the big mouth...lol Wow, you really are onto something! Have a great day!
@em12ma (396)
• United States
11 Dec 06
No, I'm not really into something, I'm just really curious as to how kids have similar traits and personalities, and how firstborns and secondborns' personalities are closely alike. Anyway, thanks for your post.
@kawillow74 (1417)
• United States
9 Dec 06
My boys are very close in age only 16mo. apart but I find my second child is more mature then my first any does more. For instance this is a funny one they came home from school today and my second son said hey mom guess what jordan wants me to do he said he would pay me to clean his room. I just laughed to myself and then I said no way it is no going to happen you are cleaning your own room. And my first son is more of a softy then my second he has a mouth and he uses it my first one is so laid back.
@em12ma (396)
• United States
9 Dec 06
It's good to know that there are situations where the firstborn are the laid back type. Thanks for your reply.
@srhelmer (7031)
• Beaver Dam, Wisconsin
8 Dec 06
We only have one child but she does seem to be pretty outgoing and responsible. I wonder if having a jealous older sibling helps destroy a second-child's confidence.
@em12ma (396)
• United States
8 Dec 06
I wonder too but in my case, i don't think so. My son never got jealous of his brother and in fact, he's even proud of him. But, it just amazed me to find out how similar first born's personalities are and how second borns turn out to be the quieter types. Thanks for your reply.
• India
9 Dec 06
I'm not a parent,but i'm a first-born...But i can very say that this is the case in my family,and so is in most families...I don't know why,maybe because its the first child who receiver so much caring and dicipline,that he comes out that way,while the second one gets lesser attention,that leads him to be a care-free person!!!
@ricky1209 (1676)
• India
9 Dec 06
i,m first n yes i,m responsible
• Ireland
9 Dec 06
My first was a girl and my second and third were boys. The girl always wanted her way and sulked and cried if she didn't have it. She has a fierce temper whereas my boys are very placid. She is also very thoughtless and the boys are the the complete opposite. My older sister who is the eldest in our family also has a fierce temper. I have heard people say that boys are more caring than girls but now you have set me thinking.
@wolflvr (335)
• United States
9 Dec 06
I have only one child so I can't tell you if that is true for him. I am the 1st born in my family with my brother being the 2nd. I am definately the more responsible and well behaved one. When he is the more reckless one. My brother is more of a trouble maker than I was at his age. It could also have sometihng to do with the fact that I am a girl and his is aboy.
@sanell (2113)
• United States
9 Dec 06
I think that my child is very smart and aggressive but not in the way that I think...she is very social, and does not compete, whereas my younger one is so much more persistant than my older one. Although my younger one is a lot more quiet than my oldest one it is hard to say what in the end the final personality will come to be like. Anyway, they both have equal types of things that one can be as an older and or a younger sibling...if that at all mm akes any sense.
@lumanci (1111)
• Italy
9 Dec 06
I believe that I/you/he/she am a matter of education that is taught you have children.
• United States
9 Dec 06
i know that my oldest sibling is aggressive and that she is not more responsible then my older brother. then again, i guess that in a way you can say that they follow that more or less, it is quite hard to say you are not more responsible then my older brother.
@GardenGerty (115956)
• United States
9 Dec 06
My children are adults now. Neither of them is what I would call agressive. Both were gifted students, second one was more studious, tended to save and manage money better, and seems to be having more success with her life. My number one child is very laid back. In my personal family, we were very wide spread, so much so that most literature indicates we would behave like four only children. I was second, and was a better student, trying to show up my older sister because she was very talented musically and art wise. My brother was more determined, self confident and aggressive, only boy. Baby sister was the biggest achiever and the smartest of all of us. Also more outspoken about things. Also more vulnerable to health problems and more of a perfectionist. She said that was part of the reason she got cancer, and it eventually killed her. I have seen some of this, that you describe, in some families, but not in mine.
@mauier113 (688)
• Philippines
9 Dec 06
I think we have the same situation. What you'd said also applies to my two kids, exactly just the same. I have two kids who 1s a 10-year old girl who's very studious, aggressive and responsible. my second one is a 7-year boy who's very nice and obedient. I just don't know now it this is just coincidental or there is really a pattern of how a firstborn and the second one develop thier personality.
@funfreak2k2 (1740)
• India
9 Dec 06
of course, the first ones are always aggressive and responsible coz we teach them. we tell them to find ways to play with themselves until the second is born and when the second is born, we teach him to take lead of things for the second. this definitely makes them the more aggressive and responsible. thats it!
@mauier113 (688)
• Philippines
9 Dec 06
I have a 10-year old girl and a 7-yr. old boy. And I think we have the same situation. All you'd said also applies to my two kids, just exactly the same and I cannot answer now is the question if this is coincidental or there is really a pattern of how a firstborn and the second child develop their own personalities.
@naim123 (18)
• Pakistan
9 Dec 06
well i belive feelings of parents are same every time they are about to see a new Child cuz i m sure all kidz are same for parents so their birth time is !
@crystal8577 (1469)
• United States
9 Dec 06
My 2nd born is more aggressive. My 2nd child is only 5 & the oldest is 7 1/2 so it is hard to say who is more responsible at this point. My 2nd child is definatly not the more well behaved of the two. They both have their moments.
• Canada
9 Dec 06
Mine are actually the opposite. My first born, son who is 5 years old, is a total dreamer. He actually will walk into things because his head is so far into the clouds. He does listen well though, but not very academic. He has no patience. My second born, daughter who will be 4 in January, is very academic and loves to sing, draw and even write. She can write her entire name and will remember words to a song after only hearing it once. She also helps me keep her brother focused on something as he tends to wander off into never never land!!
@SViswan (12071)
• India
9 Dec 06
My first born is talkative, aggressive and studious. My second born is just 2 weeks old. So, I guess it would take me some time to figure this out. But taking the case of my sister....I find that you are right. I was more studious and responsible as a child (and still am)while she is the "I'll do what I like" kind. I have a friend whose first born is quieter,soft spoken and well behaved..while the second is aggressive and an all-rounder. So, maybe it just depends on the child or the situations that they had to face or go through as they grow.