Does your family make you do all the travelling?
By 4monsters4me
@4monsters4me (2569)
United States
December 10, 2006 9:27am CST
I get really annoyed by this behavior. We recently moved away from the midwest (where all of our family it). Now they all expect us to travel to see them. We live 500 miles from my dad and 800+ miles from my in-laws. My dad doesn't ask us to come see him but my in laws complain they never get to see the kids.
I don't know what these people expect from us. They want us to just hop in the car and drive for 2 days with 4 kids just to spend a few days with them. Why can't they get on a plane and fly over? They say because they are poor and can't afford it (nevermind my husband works for the airlines and his mother flies free and his sisters can get free passes from my husband if they ask and he has them). They just can't take time off of work for something like that, but expect my husband to just call in or something for a week to visit. What the heck? We struggle just like any other family. I guess they think we are rich or something. They have no clue that each time we visited them (when we lived closer--300 miles away) we used out credit cards to finance the trip and put ourselves about $500 in debt each time (if not more).
They couldn't even be bothered to come help me when I had a baby in April. We told my sister in law we needed her to fly over (my husband would send her the free pass) a few days before my c-section to watch the kids. She has no job and her kids live with their father so she has nothing really holding her back. She said okay and then the week before my c-section she called and said she couldn't do it. No reason given--she just couldn't make it. So I had surgery alone, my husband missed the birth of his child because he was in the waiting room with out kids. Yet, as soon as the baby was born they were calling us and telling us how we had to come out to see them so they could get a look at the baby. I was so angry.
I know my mom went through the same thing when we were kids. Her family all lived in Michigan (about a 4 hour drive). They would get angry if my mom said she couldn't make it for some event (graduation, wedding, holiday, etc). But they never once made the effort to come see us in Chicago. They all had excuses--too busy, too far, no money, can't get off work, etc. But when my mom and dad used the same excuses they weren't good enough. She would get so upset. And her family continues the tradition with me. When I mentioned I might not make the next family reunion they were all like "why? you have to come" blah blah blah. I went 2 years ago by myself. I drove with 3 kids for 7 hours (from Pennsylvania to Michigan) by myself, just a week after moving. I was exhausted from the move (which we did ourselves--rented a truck and moved all the furniture ourselves) and my daughter was sick the whole trip and throwing up.
I told them I probably wouldn't be able to make the next one and they got mad. But I know if I offered to have the reunion at my place in PA they would never come because it is too hard and they have kids and blah blah blah. I hate the double standard. I hate always having to travel to see family. I hate that is out responsibility (and our fault) that my kids don't see their gramma and cousins.
Anyone else have to deal with this kind of family?
21 responses
@craftwave (1338)
• United States
11 Dec 06
I hear you. Most of my family is like that. My one daughter still lives in Ohio where both my and my husbands families are. We drive 10 hours to get there and visit my daughter and her family and when we do get there everyone wants us to drive more to make the rounds and visit them. It doesn't matter that they never contact me not by letter, phone call or email. As soon as they know we are in the area they want us to drop all our plans that we have to do with our own daughter and go to them. And then after all the running around they want us to do we still have a 10 hour drive home. My sister got mad just last week because we were in Ohio and our daughters did a nice surprise party for our 25th wedding anniversary. One lives in CA and the other with us in VA, and she wanted us to stop by. I told her no that it was time she headed my way and besides we had plans with the girls. She didn't take it very well but you know what I really don't care. We get tired of being the ones having to do all the running.
@4monsters4me (2569)
• United States
11 Dec 06
That's what would happen to my mom. We would go up to Michigan to visit one of her sisters but then we would have to drive all over town to see the others because, I guess, they were all too busy to drive to wherever we were staying to see us (which would have been easier then my mom dragging me and my brother everywhere, especially when she hated driving).
@craftwave (1338)
• United States
11 Dec 06
Half the time I don't even let them know I'm up there. I just don't want the hassle. It wouldn't be so bad if they made an effort to keep in touch in other ways but they don't even do that. I can't remember the last time my sister and husband came to our house just to visit. Even when I lived in Ohio and was less then an hour away they wouldn't make the effort. they usually came for a family gathering or a party but never just to stop by and visit.
@sunrisekn (1466)
• United States
10 Dec 06
I do, and I only live 100 miles away.I let them know that I have chosen to live my life up here and if they want to be part of it, they have to meet me 50/50. Why do I have to pack up my kid and drive 2 hours because they complained? Well, I don't. When my mother complains that her 8 month old grandson doesn't know her, I tell her my address and that the door is always open. My father just bought her a hybrid car so, the cost of gas isn't even an issue. I am the one who did the running when I first moved up here, but now, if they want to see their grandchild or me, they come to me. We are going down there for Christmas, only because my father is paying for a hotel room, otherwise, they wouldn't see my sons first Christmas.
@funkymom (12)
• United States
11 Dec 06
I know how that is! Most of the members in my family have not seen my youngest except in pictures. They won't visit but we can load everybody and go to them.
So I have stopped visting and told them if they want they can come here and see her- she's almost four- don't think it will happen!
@rosey2006 (945)
• United States
11 Dec 06
What a cute little baby you have. My son is close to your baby's age.
@wlctrent (58)
• United States
11 Dec 06
We just recently moved to Florida from Massachusetts. My parents expect us to come up but only because my mother is extremely afraid to fly and can't be in a closed in car for very long. It's like a phobia. I don't mind traveling up to see them because I like the change in the seasons and weather.
@cranehuang (682)
• China
11 Dec 06
no,we have a solid locate home.we don't have to relocate so often,but i like to travell,you know.you can learn many thing every time you arrive a new place .and besides that it means that you can meet more friend and get more chance to play more different person ,that will make you informed about many news thing and teach you how to get along well with unfamilar person.no wonder your parenet make you travelling
@4monsters4me (2569)
• United States
11 Dec 06
Yeah, that doesn't happen when you are flying through places trying to make good time so you can spend as much time as you can with the family. We go through so many cute little town on our trips but we have never once stopped to check them out. I love old architecture so these tows fascinate me but there is never time to stop. We stop long enough to eat lunch and then stop once more the walk around a Wal-mart or something to stretch. And the occasional quick stop at a rest area.
The trips are long and boring and I end up with a back ache and a head ache whenever we get where we are going. And once we are there the kids are all wound up from being stuck in the car for 8-10 hours so they are bouncing off the walls. We have to unpack and try to get the kids calmed down. At my dad's there is only 1 twin bed for all of us. The kids sleep on the floor in their old rooms and I sleep on the twin mattress. My husband sleeps on the floor. At my mother in laws it is about the same except she doesn't have extra bedrooms so we all sleep in the living room. We pull the twin mattress in there for me, my husband sleeps on the sofa and the kids take the love seat and floor.
These trips usually only last a few days before my husband has to be back to work and they are hardly ever fun since we are always driving or recovering from driving.
@subhadiproy (847)
• India
11 Dec 06
well...i also stay almos 3000 kms away from my family... but they don force me for anything...i visit home maximum twice a year,
@oxximitzu (413)
• Romania
11 Dec 06
that sounds bad,.. i guess i don`t have this kind of problems ith mine...
@rosey2006 (945)
• United States
11 Dec 06
I think that is rude. My family is similar to yours. My sister hates my husband, so she will only ask me over for the holidays. Our other family want us to come to there house all the time, but we just can't afford to go there all the time. My mother-in-law does come to our house the most, because she want to see her grandson. I have a son that was also born in April.
About you situation. Let them get mad at you. You have four kids and its hard to travel with them. If they can't understand that then that there problem. Tell them that you folks are not rich and it very expensive to go and see them. Good luck to you and have a great holiday.
@pink_sox (263)
• Australia
10 Dec 06
my dad lives in thailand, he has to come over ever 3 months to renew his visa.. Each time he comes over her get mad at me because I dont fly down to Melbourne to see him, but what i dont understand is why he cant just fly to Queensland to see me.. of course i could fly down but usually i fly down when tickets are cheaper..
oh it gets me mad
@emarie (5442)
• United States
11 Dec 06
wow..your family is pretty damn lazy and rude..no offense...
i moved away from my family, and so did my husband. we both lived in hawaii and now we're in california. we know we can't afford going back all the time and our family understand...but it's sometimes sad because my in-laws haven't seen the kids in over a year and my son has recently told me he misses his grandparents. he see's his cousin play with his grandma and he doesn't get to see his. so he gets real said. none of us have money to travel and my in-laws have medical problems as well. true family wouldn't whine, and they would understand your situation...if they really want to see you...either get a web cam or they can fly up themselves.
@crystal8577 (1466)
• United States
10 Dec 06
Well I am lucky at this point that my fmaily is only 3 hours away at most. I don't drive though so even going to visit my parents who are 1 1/2 hours away can become hard. I have to buy a bus ticket & then spend 3 hours on a bus with kids who are bored out of their mind. I know it is not the same though. My girls are the ones who give me a hassel about not seeing family enough. My oldest cried when my parents & sisters lsft last night. It was really hard on me. Another problem is the time line. My kids go to school year round so I don't have the usual summer break & such. I am sorry they are making you feel that way, it is not fair to any of you. On a side note, I do expect you to come visit me soon.
