Would you give coal to a child for Christmas?

@Tazzlady (174)
United States
December 13, 2006 12:07am CST
When I was about 10 years old my parents had give me coal for Christmas. I had snuck down stairs at night befor Christmas an opened my presents. Then I taped them back shut. My parents found out and took all my present away and I only had coal in my stocking that Christmas morning. Their was also a note telling me why. I have a 17 year old that has been nothing but trouble this year. I want to give her coal for Christmas. But, everybody I know says not too. Hear is a short list of what she has done. Ran away, call the police, called DHS, refused to go to school, failed several classes, refused to do school work, Posted bad thing about the whole family on My Space.
1 person likes this
53 responses
@Signal20 (2281)
• United States
13 Dec 06
Think she needs a bit more then coal in her Christmas stocking. I doubt it would even faze her. Sounds like she needs a good psychiatrist to talk to and get some meds. She's acting out for some reason. She's 17, she should be out growing that stuff by now. She's almost legally an adult, what's her plans for the future?
@Tazzlady (174)
• United States
13 Dec 06
So, She should not be held acountable for her actions. She is see a psychiatrist and is on meds. It does not help. So, the answer is no
@Signal20 (2281)
• United States
13 Dec 06
How is leaving coal as a Christmas present making her accountable for her actions? You're her mom, you know what's best, but I would guess that would just push her away even more. What does her doctor recommend you do for her accountability then? If she's already getting help and on meds, and you don't feel it's working, then you should talk to the doctor about that. Maybe she needs an adjustment in the amount she's taking. Or maybe she's not taking them and you don't know it. I was a rotten teenager-like most are, but outgrew it by that age. That's why I say there's something more going on that you're probably not aware of.
• Australia
13 Dec 06
I would think at 17 yrs she is old for xmas and only santa gave coal and she shouldnt still believe in it. dont give her anything if she ask why just say she havent been good when you start being good i will buy you presents
@sedel1027 (17850)
• United States
13 Dec 06
Instead of getting her coal, I would get her nothing. I think that would sting more than getting her coal. Any clue to why she is acting out? Failing classes and acting out may be a sign of something going on at school, her hiding a relationship that is falling apart and other issues. Have you offered her an alternative to finishing high school like getting her GED? You stated in a post above that she is already receiving mental help, but unless she wants to be there, it won't help, so I wouldn't waste my money on it. She may be acting out because you are forcing her to go. You may also want to evaluate the medication she is on because that could be causing some of the problems as well. When I hit around that age I was pretty rebillous myself, I left home, but kept in contact with my family. I grew out of my teenage angst. I am sure she will do the same.
@lyloo14 (128)
• France
13 Dec 06
lol, I would have said exactly the same. Why coal? nothing is enough ....I think you found it certainly humiliating to find this coal in your stockings when you were child. Especialy for those kind of stupid thing you had done (in my opinion, I find this a little cruel because who didn't, or already dreamed or tried to do it, children are curious...) On another hand, you were child, she is 17, and I bet she won't give a damn to that. And if however she feels humiliated, I fear her behaviour won't improve, but quite the contrary :(, as a teenager you manage very bad to deal with humiliation (later also, but you learned inbetween, lol)
@Tazzlady (174)
• United States
14 Dec 06
I had started a discussion about the problems I had with her going to school"Teenager not wanting to go to school" about 4 weeks ago. She is now doing better about going to school. I will have to wait and see how the grade are this grade period. She will have to get an A or B to pass the classes she failed last grade period. The funny thing is she had A's and B's the first grade period but did fail one class.
@Jshean20 (14359)
• Canada
13 Dec 06
Sounds like you and her have both had a rough year. You could get her coal but use it more as a joke than a punishment, see if this is something that you and her can laugh about together; sounds like you both could use it. Then later on attempt to have a talk with her about this past year, see if you can't reason with her to have a better upcoming year..
@Tazzlady (174)
• United States
13 Dec 06
I was not going to use it as a joke. But, to make a point. It was not a joke when my parents did it to me.
13 Dec 06
what and you never got your presents eventually ? thats so mean.
@Tazzlady (174)
• United States
14 Dec 06
No, I never got anything that year for christmas.
• United States
13 Dec 06
I don't think a lump of coal would faze a 17 year old. I would take away all of the presents though. That may or may not work. It may make her lash out even more. I did get a lump of coal from my would be now ex father in law. He said he was going to get it for me for Christmas. I didn't beleive he would. When I went to their place there it was all wrapped up with my name on it. I got other stuf too. He got it from the power plant where he worked at. I thought it was kind of neat.
@soldenski (2503)
• United States
13 Dec 06
I don't think it would bother her either. I think she might act worse, because she will feel like if you don't care. I would buy her small things, nothing over $10.00, but that way she will get a little something. The only good thing, she is almost 18, then basically, she can move out on her own, and you will be free, not from her, but her action's.
@Tazzlady (174)
• United States
14 Dec 06
Yes, It is true she will be 18 in July. But, cause of her failing classes she has to go to school for one more year to graduate high school. She is thinking of going into the army. I hope she does it will help her more than anything. I just want to add I will always be their for her no mater what she does. SShe does know this cause I have told her several time at home and in thyropy. My dad working as an enginer making machines that goes down in the coal mine all over the whold.
@josan181237 (1205)
• Philippines
14 Dec 06
Give her something special. She might eventually feel sorry for the things she had done wrong. Then she might change. Never give up doing good for in the end it will all come back to you. Have a merry Christmas!
@Tazzlady (174)
• United States
14 Dec 06
To give her something special would not help. She would just think I get my way again. Ha ha
• United States
13 Dec 06
I do not believe a parent should ever give their kids coal for christmas.maybe your child has not been good but,all tenagers go through this at one time of another.the things she has done isnt good but nobody is perfect and she is still your daughter.
@Tazzlady (174)
• United States
14 Dec 06
Thanks
• United States
13 Dec 06
Give me a break. Coal? I have put licorice candy in the stockings that are shaped like coal as a joke. YOur parents are a little harsh. The 17 year old should receive gifts, but in moderation. Why reward for behavior that is inappropriate. It isn't like she believes in Santa.
@Tazzlady (174)
• United States
14 Dec 06
WHere can I find the licorice you are talking about? Thanks
13 Dec 06
Ha Seriously? Sorry I just didn't think anyone would actually do that! So in reply to your question No I wouldn't. They need more than a piece of coal and besides... most people hav gas fire's thesedays anyway! :)
@Tazzlady (174)
• United States
14 Dec 06
Thanks. LOL you maked me laught I needed that.
• Canada
13 Dec 06
I am not sure what giving her the coal would achieve at this point. I completely understand the point you are trying to make with your daughter, and I understand why you are trying to make it. But I agree with the other posters - I'm not sure if a lump of coal would have the desired effect on a 17 year old. I think it's great that you have your daughter seeing a counsellor, though I tend to find psychologists rather than psychiatrists have a better approach with teens. Have you considered going to counselling with your daughter? Sometimes having a good conversation with someone else there as a mediator can really get the communication going. Good luck you to and your family. I know this must be an incredibly difficult time for you all, and that you only want what's best for your daughter. Please keep us posted!! BB, ~Wyrdsister
@Tazzlady (174)
• United States
14 Dec 06
Thank you and I hope you have a very Merry Christmas.
• United States
13 Dec 06
She would definately get coal and a kick in the a**. I know here in Chgo she could sign herself out of school. The next time she runs away call the police and then don't bail her out. If she even touches you,call the police and tell them you want her arrested. It sounds so mean but she needs a reality check and a rude awakening to the real world. I had trouble with my daughter for years.Now she's 19 married and has 2 children. She is finding out it's no so easy because my 1 grandson has cerebral palsy thanks to a stupid doctor. She grew up real fast and i have to say she realizes her mistakes and now we're building bridges and getting close finally. I had the police at my house many times and was told to through her stuff out,change my locks and if she comes on my property to have her arrested and she was 16, i didn't do it but it was nice to know i could of. Hang in there,it's hell but if you need to talk let me know.
@Tazzlady (174)
• United States
14 Dec 06
Thanks, I can not believe they let children sign out of school. I hope your daughter has a lawyer to sue that doctor. I hope you have a Merry Christmas
@beckyomg1 (6758)
• United States
13 Dec 06
sorry to say but yes i would give coal out for christmas.
@Tazzlady (174)
• United States
14 Dec 06
Thanks.
@magikrose (5432)
• United States
13 Dec 06
Instead of coal just give her a card saying merry christmas and nothing more. When she asks why you just be honest and tell ther the list you have here, and explain that it is good kids who get presents on christmas. Tell her she is lucky she didnt get coal like you did and explain that story to her. She wont like it and might think twice.
@Tazzlady (174)
• United States
14 Dec 06
Thanks, I think I will give her things she need not wantjust to keep the peace in my house. I like the idea their is chocolate shaped like coal I might get that.
@jillbeth (2710)
• United States
13 Dec 06
I think you are all missing the point. We give gifts to people because we LOVE them, not as rewards for good behavior. I have raised four children and gone through a lot of the same problems as you have, but I never stopped loving them. My kids did the same thing one year, opened all their presents and rewrapped them. I didn't get too upset, but the next year I told them any gift that got tampered with was going to Goodwill. They didn't touch a thing!
@Tazzlady (174)
• United States
14 Dec 06
As the song goes. "Your better good for goodness sake. He's making a list checking it twice going to find out who is naughty or nice."
@coolcager (496)
• Costa Rica
13 Dec 06
why would i? hehe what is the use of it for them in christmas. give them toys its better
@Tazzlady (174)
• United States
14 Dec 06
The coal repersents warmth, to warm her heart up. I will not give her toys!!!
@Desdemona (1305)
• Canada
13 Dec 06
eek that is sooo mean. Geez... That is even worse than receiving a mop and bucket! How did you feel when you recieved the coal for christmas? Were you hurt? Did you cry? Do you want to do the same thing to your child? Make them cry? Make them hurt? Regardless of what they have done, they do not deserve to be hurt by their parents. Great parenting skills hun! Look for another method and think outside the box. Best of luck.
@Tazzlady (174)
• United States
14 Dec 06
To answer your questions 1. I was very upset. 2. Yes 3. not really 4. sometimes but don't when they make me cry 5. sometime but don't when they hurt me. It is hard when you feel like they have ripped your heart out and standing in front of you beating it up.
• India
13 Dec 06
coal......... weard....!!!!
@Tazzlady (174)
• United States
14 Dec 06
Well, yes or no answer please.
@bluuyze (67)
• United States
13 Dec 06
Your daughter is acting out for some reason. Do not reward her with presents. It's going to be hard, that's where most parents fail with their children. PLenty of people can think up things to threaten their children with, but they will know you are full of it if you don't follow through. How did u feel when your parents did that to you? Did you feel like you had done something wrong and did you think twice about acting up again?
@Tazzlady (174)
• United States
14 Dec 06
I never tried to that again. I would only shake the presents and guess. I feel I did deserve what I got.
@remaster74 (4064)
• Greece
13 Dec 06
Be nice! It's Christmas! - Be nice! It's Christmas!
I think she is not the only one that says about her family bad things. She is 17 and common, give her a break. Now is your chance to make the difference. Remember how you felt when you saw coal instead of gifts. Now I hope you will decide what is the best for all of you!
@Tazzlady (174)
• United States
14 Dec 06
Thanks. Merry Christmas
@clickerz (471)
• Philippines
13 Dec 06
Maybe she needs more understanding and more counseling. Advance merry Christmas.Let her feel shes part of the family!
@Tazzlady (174)
• United States
14 Dec 06
Thanks
@tomjonz (60)
• United States
13 Dec 06
You should definitly give her coal for christmas, obviously you have spared the rod and spoiled the child, before it's to late to redeem her see if she will go to counceling with you!!!
@Tazzlady (174)
• United States
14 Dec 06
Thanks, but I will give her something not coal. She is in counceling.