Is it better to love with someone before you get married?Or not?

Canada
December 21, 2006 1:43pm CST
Alot of people in our generation decide to live with someone before they marry them.Alot of people think it is wrong because you shoudl marry the person first.I use to think like that.But now with the divorce rates ect..I am having second thoughts.I like the idea of living with someone before you marry them.The reason is because alot of times that person might have faults ect..Its good too see how it would work out.When you live with someone first you get to know how it would be.So than when you marry them there is no suprises.What do u think honestly?
7 people like this
111 responses
• United States
21 Dec 06
I think either way there will always be surprises,I say make sure you really know the person inside and out before saying I do,even years later little secrets can sneak up.always follow your heart and first instincts
2 people like this
• Canada
21 Dec 06
Thanks for your answer..Sometimes though when we follow our heart we dont listen to our mind.
1 person likes this
@rave883 (140)
• India
22 Dec 06
ya dude im totally agree with u!!when we love someone we overlook their bad habbits but when we have to live with them then these bad habbits become untoleranble and ultimately lead to divorce so it's betterto spend sometime with them befor ewe tie knot with them
2 people like this
• Canada
21 Dec 06
Advice and info from a person who knows: My fiance and I have been dating for almost 2 years and have been living together for a year and a half. We are getting married in the summer. Living together before getting married is the best thing you can do. This way, if it doesn't work out well, you don't have to get married. Some couples who live together actually find that they have no need to get married even when they live together. I have had many relationships over the years, most of which I've never lived with the person. Marriage never became a topic for those I never lived with. Live with the person that way you get to know them.
1 person likes this
• Canada
21 Dec 06
Thanks for your answer.What you say makes sence.When you live with someone before you get to know then at a differnt level than someone who you dont live with and just marry.You know what to expect after your married so there is no suprises.Thanks for sharring your personal experience with me it helps me.
• Philippines
22 Dec 06
I belive in marriage before living together, as a conservative type of person, blessings from the church is the first thing you should do before living together with someone you love. Marriage is a sacred sacrament that must be valued. Most of the generations today, they live together and after they dont fit or get along they leave each other, but for me, if you engaged in that kind of situation you must accept him/her for the rest of your life, as you enter in a relationship you must decide that the person your loving will be with you for the rest of your life so be wise for selecting the best person to be with before entering in a relationship.
• Croatia (Hrvatska)
22 Dec 06
i agree whit you
@jdmill83 (28)
• United States
21 Dec 06
I think living with the person is a great way to get to know them and their habits. It also helps you figure out if you guys, as a couple, are willing to grow, change, and work together as partners.
1 person likes this
• Canada
21 Dec 06
Thanks for your answer.It is true.
• United States
21 Dec 06
i agree with that, how will you know if you will be able to get along with a person if you don't know how they are when you live with them.
• Canada
21 Dec 06
True it makes sence.
• Canada
21 Dec 06
Even though statistics show that people who live together before marriage have a higher divorce rate, I believe it is good to find out if you can live with each other 24/7, find out their bad habits and find out if they are a morning person!
• Canada
21 Dec 06
True good answer..But you know sometimes opposites do attract.
@juls2me2 (2151)
• United States
22 Dec 06
The idea of living together to make sure you really like the person may sound intriguing, but its really not. If you love someone enough to feel you desire to live with them and have all the benefits of marriage....get married and quit playing mind games with the person you love. Most women desire security and assurance that her man loves her enough to commit and make things work. To me its selfish to just live together with marriage benefits, without the key of a real relationship of marriage...commitment. You never really have that trust from a commitment to build on.
@juls2me2 (2151)
• United States
22 Dec 06
The idea of living together to make sure you really like the person may sound intriguing, but its really not. If you love someone enough to feel you desire to live with them and have all the benefits of marriage....get married and quit playing mind games with the person you love. Most women desire security and assurance that her man loves her enough to commit and make things work. To me its selfish to just live together with marriage benefits, without the key of a real relationship of marriage...commitment. You never really have that trust from a commitment to build on.
• Philippines
21 Dec 06
it definitely is better. that is the reason why you go through courtship, so youll get to know each other better. you will then nurture that connection and wait till it blossoms to something really special- love.
• Canada
21 Dec 06
Thanks for your responce.
• Canada
21 Dec 06
Thanks for your responce.
• Pakistan
21 Dec 06
it depends on u r thinking. but its good if u live after marriage with u r partner.but u can know about her before marriage that how she works, what she likes, n what she hates etc than u can choose her for u r life if she is up to the mark than u should marry with her if nt than choose n other one which matches u r thinking.this is my view lets c others.bye. Regars Memon.
• Canada
21 Dec 06
I respect your view and thansk for taking the time to respond.
@americus (11)
• United States
21 Dec 06
I have to laugh at this. My husband and I knew each other 6 years before we got married but never lived together. When we finally did move in after the wedding it was- different. We were NOT used to dealing with each other on a daily basis and it was a challenge. We still have issues sometimes 7 years later, but for the most part it's all good.
1 person likes this
• Canada
21 Dec 06
Thanks for sharring your story with me.It's good to know that you have overcome some challenges.Good luck and merry christmass and happy new year!
• Australia
21 Dec 06
I believe you need to know someone and love them before marrying them but you know people can change after you marry them. Marrage is only a piece of paper anyways
1 person likes this
• Canada
21 Dec 06
True i agree...After a few years that person is considered your live in spouse anyways.
• United States
21 Dec 06
Exactly. I'm living with my boyfriend now...it gives you a chance to see the real them, just like you said. I don't find anything wrong with it at all!
1 person likes this
• Canada
21 Dec 06
Thanks for your responce.
@tba123 (457)
• United States
21 Dec 06
I think its better to live together first because you get to know someone better when living with them. If you live together for a while first then you'll know most (not all) of their bad traits and can make a better decision on marrying them. I know its not traditional but traditional didn't use to lead to the high divorce rate in todays society either.
• Canada
21 Dec 06
Yes thats true all these traditions...But back than if we go to traditions it was totally diverse..Our grandparents married and stayed together for ever now thinsg have changed..Some people take the easy way out you know what i mean?I think its better to live with someone first than to marry them right away.It also gives you an insight on how married life with them would be..Kind of a preview.
• United States
21 Dec 06
You also need to take into consideration that people can live together for years and suddenly get married and the relationship can go sour. Some people feel that living together allows them more freedom and some people just fight more after marriage. It all depends basically on how committed you are to the relationship and how committed you are to each other. You might think that I'm against marriage by this post. I assure you I'm not and in fact I'd marry a person before I'd just live with them. But I understand that people have different views on that. You just need to talk to the person you are with and make sure that you are both on the same page.
• Canada
21 Dec 06
Your answer is Fair enough.Everyone has a differnt opinoun and they all should be respected.
@vipul20044 (5796)
• India
21 Dec 06
Love is over-rated. When 2 ppl get together, and marry, they think it is forever. They need to realize that unless they are willing to grow and change with eachother, their marriage is doomed to failure. Communication, without accusation is the key. Keep an open mind and try to talk to eachother.
1 person likes this
• Canada
21 Dec 06
You made a good point.I also agree that Communication is important.But also trust plays a majour role as well.
@jen20619 (1302)
• Ireland
21 Dec 06
yes of course it is
1 person likes this
• Canada
21 Dec 06
Thanks for replying.
• United States
21 Dec 06
I think you should definatly live with the person first. That way you know exactly what you would be getting into with marriage. Things could be very well, but when you move in together, you see everything about the other person, not just when you are together.
1 person likes this
• Canada
21 Dec 06
Thanks for responding...Its true what you say.Being with someone is not the same as when you live with them.
• United States
21 Dec 06
I always thought that living with someone was a privelage that came with marriage, and part of me still believes that. Right now I am living with my fiance. It is a money issue - he is home from California for only 3 months and it doesn't make sense for him to get his own place for such a short amount of time. So far it is working out well. Everyone is different, you need to do what you think is right for you. But you do learn a LOT about a person when you live with them.
1 person likes this
• Canada
21 Dec 06
I agree.As i see it you plan to share a life with that other person.You have too see how it works out before you get married.Plus it's fun you pick up on their habbits and them on yours.Am i right?
@limcyjain (3519)
• India
22 Dec 06
this is a difficult question if it really helps in redcuing the number of family splits then it is ok. I fee this will acutally become a method of time pass with the young generation and might not prove fruitful
1 person likes this
22 Dec 06
Knowing a person before marriage is of utmost importance because it will help you learn about the person's likes, dislikes, behavioural patterns etc . Once this is done you are in a better position to judge whether you would want to proceed or cut it off. Else you end up marrying a stranger.
1 person likes this
@juls2me2 (2151)
• United States
22 Dec 06
The idea of living together to make sure you really like the person may sound intriguing, but its really not. If you love someone enough to feel you desire to live with them and have all the benefits of marriage....get married and quit playing mind games with the person you love. Most women desire security and assurance that her man loves her enough to commit and make things work. To me its selfish to just live together with marriage benefits, without the key of a real relationship of marriage...commitment. You never really have that trust from a commitment to build on. There's always the question in your mind...will they just leave and give up.
1 person likes this
• Canada
22 Dec 06
I would live with somebody before I got married so I would make sure we wanted to really be together and would not get tired of each otehr.
1 person likes this