Isn't that romantic?

Canada
December 30, 2006 12:25pm CST
My husband tells me that he "doesn't know how" to be romantic. I tell him that being romantic isn't about buying flowers and candy all the time... or even buying anything at all. Romance can be found in the smallest, most ordinary gestures! I mean, leave me an unexpected note or a letter... I'd be thrilled with that :) Here's an example... before we were married, he was in the Navy. We had planned for him to come and visit me, on leave, and the days were getting crossed off the calendar until he could get on the plane. One night, while in port, he was on duty. He found every reason under the sun to get outside (like emptying trash cans, even!) and, each time, he called me on his cell phone, said a few rushed words about how he couldn't wait to see me and then hung up. By about the third call, I was laughing instead of saying "hello" ... and I was really touched by it. I'm sure he would have gotten into some major trouble, if anyone had caught him doing it, but I loved every minute. I think it could be incredibly helpful if we could kick in some suggestions of what we find romantic. Let's do our spouses, boyfriends and girlfriends a favor and skip the suggestions of "a 10-carat diamond ring!" LOL What are the real-life, affordable, SIMPLE ways to be romantic and to show your significant other how much you care? What have you done or what has been done for you?
10 people like this
62 responses
@smacksman (6074)
30 Dec 06
I love your story!! For me, I think a gentle caress without any prompting says a lot. I'm a very 'touchy feely' sort of person but my wife isn't so on the odd occasion when she does touch i find it very romantic. I always stand up when my wife enters the room and other friends laugh at me and say 'how romantic' but that is just good manners to my thinking. Maybe there is a close connection between the two?
5 people like this
• Canada
30 Dec 06
smacksman, we must be kindred spirits :) I agree on the gentle, unexpected touch. Even when we are doing something mundane (and quite possibly horrible) like shopping, I'll walk up behind my husband and just gently rub his back. He'll usually respond with a coy smile and a "Hey lady" LOL It's just nice, you know? I think you are quite the gentleman to stand when your wife enters the room. That's a very gallant gesture and, you're right, really well-mannered. There's definitely a connection! Have you been together a long time by any chance??
2 people like this
@smacksman (6074)
30 Dec 06
Oh, old habits die hard. lol Yes, we have been together so long but I still love every little bit of her. Romance has little to do with age, it goes on and on and in some ways gets better. Well maybe more subtle is the better word.
2 people like this
• Canada
30 Dec 06
Sometimes, don't you find the "old habits" are the ones that are most worth olding on to? :) And congratulations to you both... cultivating a loving, romantic relationship is not easy (and, in fact, seems to be beyond a lot of people) but you are clearly succeeding! I know a few, very young men that you could mentor LOL
• United States
30 Dec 06
*laugh* My boyfriend has a similar complaint, not knowing what to do and all...but the most romantic things are things he thinks up on his own and aren't traditional romantic gestures. We're apart this Christmas, and so this past week he video-taped him having breakfast and emailed it to me so I could have breakfast with him the next day - it wouldn't seem all that romantic, but it was the sweetest gesture in my opinion...because it showed that he was missing me as much I was missing him *sigh*. I get to see him tomorrow!! I'm flying out tonight to where he is to meet his parents for the first time!! *ack*
@smacksman (6074)
30 Dec 06
Oh that is soooo romantic. What a man!! I would never have thought of that. Brilliant.
1 person likes this
• Canada
30 Dec 06
Awesome, sarahbeth! :) :) He sounds like a keeper! And that's exactly what I'm talking about... the "non-traditional" things that we just love, yet the person making the gesture doesn't even realize it's romantic. Good luck on meeting his parents too... I met my new MIL the night before my wedding... EEK! I wasn't the least bit nervous or anything (can you sense my denial? lol) Fortunately, we had emailed and IM'd with each other for quite some time and at least I felt like I knew her. But, seriously, standing face to face was nervewracking! Have a safe trip!
@chertsy (3804)
• United States
31 Dec 06
Awwww, Better hold onto this one. That has to be the sweetest thing I have read so far. It wasn't a gift he paid for, but a gift that came from the heart. His parents can't be to bad, if they had this young man.
@devideddi (1436)
• United States
30 Dec 06
Its true, men do not think like women thereforit may not come natural to do this sort of thing. In the beginning its easier because their feelings are newer and stronger and right out front. But after a while its the last thing on their mind. I suggest you and everyone else rent a copy of the movie "The Notebook". I wont say too much but I believe what this man does/has done in this movie is the number one most romantic thing I have ever heard of. And dont worry guys, its not at all a bunch of mush. Even my husband liked the movie and said it was good movie and he usually likes war of action such movies. Luck to all
• Canada
30 Dec 06
Great suggestion, devideddi! I've wanted to see that movie for a long time and now you've reminded me that we need to rent it! My husband is always willing to watch a "chick flick" (as men like to call them LOL) So, thanks for that :) It's true too that, over time, we get comfortable with our partners and we just don't make romance a top of the line priority.
@chertsy (3804)
• United States
31 Dec 06
I think the guy that wrote the book The Notebook based it on his family. Mine didn't like it, said it was to girly, lol.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Dec 06
The Notebook is one of my most favorite movies!!! (I read the book too, before the movie came out, short read, but good nonetheless) FANTASTIC MOVIE!!! I enjoyed reading the original post and also the responses (except for the person who keeps copying and pasting others' replies) I agree that romantic DOES NOT have to cost money!!! For me, simple....is good. The sparkle in the eye, when he knows he made me smile is the BEST!!! Happy New Year to all of you!!!
1 person likes this
@BranCat (12)
• United States
30 Dec 06
My husband is very romantic. I have often compared him with other men and the don't even come close to him. I sometimes take it for granted because we have 5 children and I constantly feel busy. He always wants to plan trips and do things with me and I find that very romantic. He isn't one to buy flowers, candy or jewelery, but he tells me everyday that he loves me and always calls me gorgeous. Even when I have just woken up. I couldn't ask for more. He is a hard worker and a loving father and he makes me feel so special even after 13 years together. I am so lucky to have him in my life. The best thing we can do for our spouses/boyfriends/girlfriends is to be spontaneous and let them know every, single day just how much we love and appreciate them.
• Canada
30 Dec 06
Amen to that BranCat! Somehow, it is so loving to watch a good father with his children. You're right that we all get busy and we sometimes forget to tell our partners how much we need them, rely on them and care about them. Yours is a very good reminder :)
• United States
30 Dec 06
I have to agree...there is just something about seeing a man who is wonderful with children that melts your heart. I don't know if it's just because it appeals to the side of use that remembers our own Fathers or the maybe even the fathers we wish we had had...but it's enough to make me want to cry!! :D
@abbu20 (207)
• India
31 Dec 06
yeah that's very true. romantic means not only just buying some flowers or candy's or anything even "10 carat diamond ring" romantic means getting some quality time for our partner not the quantity. quality means giving our partner some surprises, etc... one such surprise which i gave to my wife during our courtship........ i was in office, sitting idel thinking about her. her phone rings and we both gets enguaged in talking to each other, we talk for 2hrs non-stop and dint realise how the time went...it was when the phone automatically got disconneted when we realise that we were busy for 2 hrs. i called back her again and asked her to a call on my office land walky-talky. she calls me and again we got busy. for about 15 min later i took my walky out and take my car and went straight to her home while talking to her phine. after reaching to her phone, i confor her that no one was available....so i went straight in and rang the bell. but she dint opened the door, so i again rang but for three times.. this time she got up saying angryly that someone on the door and she will be right back. and when she opend the door she was shocked took to halt for 15 min by seeing me standing in front of her. then she made me a nice sandwich we had and in this mean time my mother in law also arrives....and i again went back
2 people like this
• Canada
31 Dec 06
abbu, isn't it just amazing how fast the time can fly when we are so involved with the one we love? The first time that my husband and I ever spoke on the phone, we talked all night. That is the first time I can say I literally watched the sun come up. It was an amazing feeling. Thank you for sharing such a lovely story!
@kathy77 (7488)
• Australia
30 Dec 06
Yes you are right that to be romatic your husband does not have to buy you anything. Romatic gestures can be the smallest things or compliments that will just pick us up for the rest of the day/night my husband often cooks a lovely dinner for me and I try to please him by buying him something or just giving that little bit extra to the home to make him feel more happy when he comes home and he compliments me for that.
1 person likes this
• Canada
31 Dec 06
I've always wanted a man that could cook :) My husband tries, god love him, but it's not his strongest attribute ;) Mind you, when you're exhausted or sick or tired of cooking, even mac and cheese can taste like filet mignon when someone cares enough to make it for you!
@vivasuzi (4127)
• United States
31 Dec 06
My fiance can cook, so I'm happy about that :) I don't need a fancy meal, make me tuna helper and I'm happy for the simple fact that he did it! I love to cook desserts, and that's usually my treat to surprise my fiance when it's my turn to be the romantic one :)
1 person likes this
@weemam (13377)
12 Mar 07
My hubby is a bit like that too , he says it in little gestures , I remember one time I was feeling a bit down and he bought me a bunch of flowers ,it was really funny because he bought them in the supermarket and brought them home upside down in a plastic carrier bag they were daffodils my very favourite ,probably only cost a couple of pound , but they meant more to me than a dozen red roses , just the fact that he actually bought them for me and that was probably all the money he had in his pocket , little things mean a lot xx
1 person likes this
• Canada
12 Mar 07
Awwwwwww how sweet! I love daffodils too (they are so sunny and spring-like - they really do lift the spirits). I've gotten gifts still in the store bags a few times too LOL but it doesn't dampen the joy one bit! :)
@susana25 (341)
• Philippines
31 Dec 06
I agree with you,I also experience with my bf,His been busy for his work and even forgot to be romantic and that's the one reason's why i get mad. I explain to him that there's a lot of way for to be romantic,it's not buying flowers,chocolates or any gold. Girls are very sensitive in what they have feel we are very emotional with this matter. happy new year
1 person likes this
• Canada
1 Jan 07
Happy new year to you too, susana! I hope that your bf will be less busy with his work this year and that he'll have more time to devote to you :) Everyone likes to feel special.
@salilk (2)
• Italy
31 Dec 06
From what I see...your husband is romantic on the inside, but is probably just too lazy to try anymore..hehe no offence. You fight your heart out to win someone over, and once you win them over you end up having a certain level of comfort that the person will always be there for you. I guess that's where the problem begins for most people. In true honesty, being romantic is not something one can learn and I'm sure everyone will agree with me on that. A true romantic tries till it ends up being right, even if he/she ends up making a fool of themselves a 100 times before getting it right. At the end of the day, it's that one special time that the couple will remember while laughing over the other 100 times the person messed it up. just walking into your loved one's office with lunch or driving over for 5 hours just to see them for 2....it all ends up being worth it..because it makes someone feel special and on top of the world. I'm a true romantic at heart and I believe the one we're with deserves to be pampered....whether we've been together for a day...or years...time should not kill the romance in a relationship. We always need to find something to rekindle the magic.
• Canada
31 Dec 06
salilk, you remind of something that I have always thought! I believe that some people feel "stupid" when they try to be romantic. I guess it doesn't feel natural to them or they think the other person will laugh at them instead of realizing that they are trying to make a romantic gesture. And you're RIGHT -- people DO get lazy (and I wasn't offended LOL)... just because you've been together a long time, doesn't mean you can take that person for granted.
@5berries (120)
• United States
31 Dec 06
My husband is super sweet in very simple ways. He always offers what he is eating, does the dishes, changes the babies diapers, gives me massages almost everyday. He drives me up to the front of the store so I don't have to walk across the parking lot with the kids. He treats all women with respect, opening doors for them, pulling out seats, carrying packages. That's how I picked him, he didn't favor me over other women, he treated every girl like he would a sister or an aunt. Look at the everyday little things he does, you will see some romantic things in their, you just have to look at the logical side. My husband carries the laundry down the stairs so its one less thing I have to do.
• Canada
31 Dec 06
5berries, there's a lesson for everyone in what you've written. A man that is kind and respectful to woman, in general, is usually a very nice guy to have around :) Your husband sounds like such a gentleman! I never understood why women get offended at having a door held for them... I appreciate it! When my mom was terminally ill, I was so exhausted caring for her needs. My husband took over driving her to her doctor's appointments so that I could get some other things done or just have a rest while she was gone. I felt like I had won the lottery! He would ask her what she'd like done, such as the grass cut or her garden tended. Her eyes would light up at him or she would squeeze his hand (due to her cancer surgery, she had lost the physical ability to smile) and I could see how much it meant to her that he wanted to do nice things for her. I realized, in those moments, how much of a keeper he is to me.
• Canada
31 Dec 06
I must admit, that is quite cute! I use to do something like that with my girlfriend. Every time I'm at work, I leave every hour on the hour to go to the "washroom." I then call her and just say how I miss her and I can't wait till I'm done work to go see her. But what I love, are back massages! I don't know why, but I LOVE them! My back usually always hurts as I sprained it a while ago and it never truly healed, so having a back massage makes me feel so happy! My girlfriend use to give me them, but now she's to bothered to do them =(
1 person likes this
• Canada
31 Dec 06
Oh sign me up for a back massage ANY day! I love them. I work on my computer 7 days a week and I definitely get back and neck strain. It's such a pleasure when my husband will come up behind me and just start rubbing my neck unexpectedly.
@Trace86 (5033)
• United States
31 Dec 06
I work the 3p-11:30p shift and think it's romantic when my husband puts a pop in the freezer for me so it will be extra cold when I get home. He will buy me a lottery ticket to scratch. He does the laundry. He remembers to turn on my side of the heating blanket. He will put my jammies in the dryer when it is really cold outside. He lets my teddy bear sleep with us. I love most when we fall asleep holding hands.
• Canada
31 Dec 06
Awesome, Trace! These are exactly the things that mean so much! They seem insignificant to other people, I suppose, but when you feel pampered or you know that your partner just wants you to feel happy, comfortable and secure, it's such a great feeling.
@maapav (729)
• India
31 Dec 06
Yes really nice romantic topic.I too feel that romance is not limited to giving valuable gifts, it can also be done through a small piece of note.I miss that romance as he is not so romantic.I really feel there must be some romance in married life whether u r newly married or married for 50 years.You must show your love for another each day by saying simply "I Love YOu".Love can be expressed in many ways.U can express it by only an eye expression.Nice to discuss on this topic.
1 person likes this
• Canada
31 Dec 06
maapav that is very true... it shouldn't matter how long a couple has been together. They still need to show each other or remind each other that they are loved and cared for :) It really does matter!
@ajithlal (14614)
• India
31 Dec 06
Most woman are good in expressing romance than men. Some boys love their girlfriend and wive so much, but sadly they don't express it too much. I think the love inside the heart has no value because most times the other person doesn't know about it. Love has value only when it is expressed onself. Well you can try some of the romantic things like walking through the beach by holding hands together, eating food at night with candle light, putting a romantic song and dancing together, putting smelling sticks, having juice from same glass with two straws, eating chocolates together, hiding notes that I love you in places where your partner finds, etc
• Canada
31 Dec 06
You have made such a beautiful statement and one that I am going to remember... "love inside the heart has no value... love has value only when it is expressed". That's what we really have to be aware of! We may think "oh my partner knows how much I love them" -- but it's important to say the words out loud. Thank you for that reminder.
@GardenGerty (115993)
• United States
31 Dec 06
A cup of coffee in bed. Wishing me "happy monthaversary every month, for eight years now. Always taking care of all of the cars. How do you like those suggestions? Pretty romantic, huh?
• Canada
31 Dec 06
Every month for eight years! That's stunning... and wonderful :D
@vivasuzi (4127)
• United States
31 Dec 06
I think there's a simple answer to what I find romantic, and I tell my fiance all the time: just be spontaneous. Plan something for us to do, or make dinner, or buy a movie you know I'll like, or take me on a picnic... it doesn't matter WHAT you do, it's the fact that you are trying to do something special and spontaneous for me that makes me happy :) I think guys try to overthink romance and when they can't come up with the perfect thing, then they do nothing at all. If they stopped thinking so much and just did something spontaneous for me, it would be great :)
1 person likes this
• Canada
31 Dec 06
vivasuzi, you're right!! My husband seems to think that there is some grandiose way to be romantic... as though there's a "right and wrong" to it. I've never accused a man of thinking too much about something... LOL... but it may well be the case when it comes to being romantic!
• United States
31 Dec 06
I gave my husband a book of poetry. I got a scrapbook from the dollar store and hand wrote some poems and songs that I found that I thought expressed how I felt and then included a personal letter from me to him. He loved it, I think it was romantic and it cost under three dollars.
• Canada
31 Dec 06
Proof's in the pudding, cuddlebug! Super example that proves you don't have to spend much to make someone happy! Love it!
@lulylove (1561)
• Brazil
31 Dec 06
I loved its history! I would love that my boyfriend was romantico. I imagine myself eating in some restaurants the light of candles and it asking for to me in marriage. But this never happened does not go to lose the hopes
1 person likes this
• Canada
31 Dec 06
You just wait lulylove! Romance will find you... it's just a matter of time :)
• United States
31 Dec 06
My other half is very romantic. At least I think he is. He hasn't done this in awhile but he used to pick his guitar and sing for me. I love that. He also still sends me love emails now and then though his computer is just a few feet from mine. :) He gives me massages and is just generally loving and he knows when I'm down and need cheering. I do the same for him - it's a two way street!
1 person likes this
• Canada
31 Dec 06
Oh wow... I think I'd get all teary if someone sang for me! That's very cool, Brick! I grinned when I read about the emails because, as I'm typing here, my husband and I are IMing each other. I'm in the dining room working on my laptop and he's downstairs chaperoning my daughter and her boyfriend LOL
• United States
31 Dec 06
as a man this may be putting my foot in mouth been married for 27 years i allway done thing by spur on the min. thing like be driving down road see a wildflower she would like for noresaon at help her out with house work or kid or say out of the let see a movie there is a endless list of thing simple thing that can it work for me for 27 years
• Canada
31 Dec 06
You're a pro at this bigboy! That's exactly what I think too... spur of the moment gestures show that your wife is always on your mind and you still want to do nice things for her. Congratulations on your 27 years and best of luck on the NEXT 27! ;)