Why romance on the internet doesn't work?

India
January 7, 2007 6:55pm CST
When boy meets girl in an other 'normal' circumstances we have the benefit of using our eyes, ears and senses to form a personal opinion and to be able to judge fairly quickly whether the person's character appeals to us. Adults have a good idea of who and what character traits they are looking for. The personality and chemistry of the individual is crucial in this highly personal assessment. It is complex and based on what is going on in the 'unconscious'. The Internet dating sites offer a fast, efficient means of contacting people we are attracted to by offering profiles and photographs of real people, and the promise of instant and real relationships and love. Photographs can be very misleading because they 'fix' more than they 'reveal' about us. Individuals see themselves as more attractive than they actually are by using old photographs taken prior to the greying or balding of their hair, or put them through photoshop. Other physical factors are not seen. Men and women alike are guilty of this. A photograph does not reveal any affectations, or irritating behaviour. A profile can glamorise the person, producing a stereoscopic ideal, and concentrating and emphasising good points. Often profiles are written or borrowed, by well intentioned friends.
7 people like this
88 responses
@MissGia (955)
• United States
8 Jan 07
I dont go for the whole "dating on the internet" thing, i like to personally meet the person i will fall in love with..not come across them in a chat room and say "cool we both like Tool, we she hook up"..and then meet later down the road. If people choose to do it, and waste money on these sites to find someone they'll probably get married to and divorced to then let them do it...too bad for them they could do it on their own for free :)
• India
8 Jan 07
me tooo.................
@Catkin (480)
• United States
8 Jan 07
It's true that people can choose to present themselves falsely online, but internet relationships *can* work. My girlfriend and I are a testament to this. Neither of us started off looking for love or anything, but became friends on an online art community. After having talked for over a year, much of it over the phone during the last few months, we finally got a chance to meet. We have no been together for nearly 6 months after she moved to the city where I live. She had been planning to move here for several years, regardless of my presence, and would have done so even if we had never met. I'm not disagreeing with you about cases in which people lie about themselves, but I just want to point out that sometimes it really can work, when you make a connection with someone and are completely honest with each other.
• India
8 Jan 07
yes...Thank u for responding.
@Catkin (480)
• United States
8 Jan 07
Ack, I'm sorry about the double response, I had difficulty posting the first one and tried to retype it a second time. _
• India
8 Jan 07
coz some ppl come online wid a fake id....n even gals doesnt believe everyone so easily.And for making frndship wid gals we need to have lot of patience for meetin up wid anyone....
@amanda84 (263)
• Malaysia
8 Jan 07
I DUN REALLY TRIED B4 INTERNET ROMANCE. THIS IS WHAT I REALLY FEEL..I DUN FEEL SECURE WHEN I MET SUMONE OVER THE INTERNET. THEY CAN LIE TO US..I MEAN WE NEVER KNOW RITE TILL WE SEE THEM FACE to face. WHAT HAPPEN IF THEY NOT A GOOD PPL..I PREFER THE normal conventional ways.
• India
8 Jan 07
I think your words are correct..
@20021985 (109)
• India
8 Jan 07
yeah you right...i totally agree
• India
28 Jan 07
And for Jewish singles looking to find each other, online areas can be especially useful. America Online, Prodigy, CompuServe and other computer networks offer chat rooms where single Jews can shmooze. Michigan sound engineer David Kron says AOL allowed him to cast a geographically wider net in his search for a Jewish mate. "Lansing is not exactly the Jewish dating capital of the world. I knew I'd have to pursue non-traditional avenues," says Kron, 32. He soon became a regular in a Jewish singles chat room in the People Connection area on AOL, where he met Shoshi, a New York special education teacher. After nightly phone calls, the two finally met in the spring of 1994. Six months ago, the couple married in Brooklyn and now live together in Lansing.
• United States
8 Jan 07
What about reasons why romance on the net does work? For me I can be myself more over the net when talking for the first time. I tend to get tounge tied when talking to a woman I like but I don't get finger tied on the net. As far as the pictures go, that is very true. People send out of date pictures or sometimes ones that aren't even them at all. If that is the case and you decide to meet in real life you need to deide something. Did I fall in love with the person or the picture?
• United States
8 Jan 07
I totally agree. It was easier for me to get that initial conversation starter going online. That way if the person didn't like me it wouldn't be near as embarrassing if my feelings weren't reciprocated. Plus I think online alot more people are looking for relationships rather than like at a bar, where people are probably just thinking whatever happens, happens. Also alot of times, people at bars just play games or are only looking to get some one night stand action.
• India
28 Jan 07
Long distance you don’t have to be there for the person at all. You can type “oh everything will be fine.” That’s not seeing them, feeling their pain and helping. Long distance relationships attract a lot of people because you don’t really have to do that much real work in the relationship.
@dandpani (161)
• India
8 Jan 07
well for a sucessful romance first of all u must know u'r partner to the maximum extent ,just by and internet affair u cannot judge a person b'cause no one is going to show his/her mental illness on net.which u may atleast not like
• India
28 Jan 07
Sometimes in meeting the love of your life who happens to be far away, it may cause you to sacrifice current relationships, possibly even a marriage. Should you decide to make this sacrifice, try to do so with as much knowledge and understanding into the long term ramifications that you can foresee.
• India
28 Jan 07
If you have not seen your certain someone up to this point and you are faced with making this decision, solely because of your communication via the phone and the internet, please do so extremely cautiously.
• India
8 Jan 07
yes its true and you are right romance on the internet dosent work we have to know the person by meeting him/her in person only
• India
8 Jan 07
well to know the person we can start from Internet & then meet him
• India
28 Jan 07
We are living in the age of technology. People are using computers and the Internet for nearly every aspect of their lives - to manage finances, to search for jobs, to go shopping, and even to find romance. Internet dating is becoming an increasingly popular method of meeting romantic partners, but there are certainly many things to be aware of when taking this route to love.
• United States
8 Jan 07
I have known at least 8 couples that meet on the net that got married so not all people are fake now they meet in regular chats not dating ones that a hugh difference but not all online romance fails or is bad .
• Nigeria
8 Jan 07
well i like your view and i have met a nice person on the internet too.. but we are not dating..
• India
28 Jan 07
After an hour flirting online with my first cyberfriend, Troveur, I began to understand the mysterious allure and increasing popularity of finding love online. For one thing, there was no eyelash curling or uncomfortable squirming into last year's size 8 jeans. There was no yucky bar or frustrating search for a parking place. I just sat in the comfort of my own office (OK, my own cubicle) and got to know Troveur, a gemologist and freelance ambulance driver from Queens.
@Sir_bobby88 (8241)
• Singapore
28 Jan 07
Because romance in internet mostly are virtual and most people felt that it is virtual compared to the real world ... if only you can feel the other party over the internet and really care for them then the love between two parties in the internet will grow yea
• India
28 Jan 07
It can consume your life and ruin it. It causes you whether you want to believe it or not to live a fabricated life with your partner and it makes you miss out on opportunities that are all around you in different people you know and the ones you could have met. In fact this long distance search for the one could cost you the one.
• United States
28 Jan 07
There are so many reasons why it won't work. If no one initiates to meet the other personally then it won't work. If they are not telling the truth, it can't work. You really don't know how is the other is like until you meet. But there are so many success stories out there as well, so I hope that it will work for good people who are really just in the search of their soulmate.
• India
28 Jan 07
In conclusion. In a long distance one it’s easy to be pulled in and misled because you are trying to be as optimistic as possible.
@blueman (16513)
• India
8 Jan 07
i think it doesn't work becuase the people who are in relationship doesn't know each other and have not personally not met each other and had only talked or seen each other which is a very limited factor to decide what kind of a person one is. and i think thats why most cyber based relationship doesn't work out.
• India
28 Jan 07
The lack of needing to go the extra mile face to face ATTRACTS people to these relationships. And they can intentionally or unintentionally manipulate you. Sorry but its true. If you’re hearing these things from family and friends they aren’t just trying to harp at you.
@jithinsb (520)
• India
8 Jan 07
actually i dont think that love through internet wont become true..because one of my friend came to know a girl through internet and they became friends..after 1-2 months of friendshipthey turned out to be lovers..at first i didnt trust him but ,they met and now they are truely sincere lovers!!!i too had a notion that chatting love or love through internet is really nonsense,but now when i have got a live example for myself , i think what i had in my mind is really pointless..and yes ,i am not telliing that every case will come true,but 10 among 100 may come true,according to me...
• India
28 Jan 07
They may (unintentionally) now just be content to cost and come and collect the benefits without having to be true to you when it REALLY SHOULD COUNT. And they used that little white lie to convince you to start a relationship with them that they were nowhere near as dedicated to as you. They might just want to enjoy the perks and when they’ve gotten enough they don’t care anymore.
• United States
8 Jan 07
The romance on internet do not work because the people chatting do not meet each other face to face and cannot study the nature of each other.this is the missing link in internet romance.
• India
28 Jan 07
I mean if they cared they would have made an effort to put this together by now! What did they say that got you thinking it would be worth a try? Did they promise you that they’d be living with you in just a little while at the start of your time together and still months or years later they have not come through?
• United States
8 Jan 07
Hello. I don't believe internet relationships work at all, unless it leads into really meeting the person. No kidding my brother met a woman over a dating site, now you'd have to know my brother to know how shocked I was he even posted a profile on a dating site, it's not like him to do so at all as he has no female dating issues. He had issues with meeting quality women, quality enough for him I guess. So long story short, they went out on a date, over time got engaged and were just married in the most beautiful wedding weekend I've ever been to. Though specifically 100% relationship online (never meeting) no offense to anyone makes me laugh and is very unrealistic. You never know online when someone is real, truthful and so forth. Call it skeptism maybe, I just call it realistic side of myself. If I wasn't married with children, I would never in my entire life, meet have an online date, online boyfriend too many freaks out there in the world for that.
• India
28 Jan 07
Somebody has to move and be there with you through it all the ups and downs. And by then you might not like what you see. It may be a harsh truth. And by then it is too late. Has he/she been stringing this along a lot longer than they had planned?
• Canada
8 Jan 07
One thing missing in todays society is communication. Is it not possible when boy meets girl rather than steal around a corner for kiss they may be more likely to talk to each other and communicate with each other before that first kiss? I have had 2 successful on-line relationships. I corresponded with both, the pictures were acurate. In the end the first one did not work because it was long distance and just too hard. The second one was because I found out he never stopped looking for relationships on-line after we were supposedly together.
• India
28 Jan 07
Do you really think that this false time you spend together is showing you a good future? How can you be sure you’ve seen the real thing?
@vani24 (783)
• India
8 Jan 07
Internet is the source of getting and making new acquaintances but you cant totally depend in order to go further.Most of the people dont beleive the other side because they are not sure whether he is correct or not.
• India
28 Jan 07
Do you have to clash with family to get them to trust him or let him visit? Your partner obviously doesn’t. They just come over have fun then leave and you get more stress. Which is YOUR PARTNER’S fault not your families. It’s this false atmosphere that makes your family RIGHTFULLY distrust your long distance partner.
@blanksolid (1632)
• Spain
8 Jan 07
Romance on the internet doesnt work because the distance is the main problem on the case, for loving is necessary to be together on live from my point of view, have a nice day and happy earnings also.
• India
28 Jan 07
They care about you? Well right now your both just living a false reality where when you see the other everything is fine but a big part is because all of your troubles have gone away. BECAUSE YOU ARE ON HOLIDAYS. You’re RELATIONSHIP is not anywhere as mature, dedicated or true as you think.
• Israel
8 Jan 07
My brother met his wife on the internet, and while they haven't been married long, I'm not anticipating a break up. However, I do agree that internet presents some unique challenges to a romance. However, there are a few things that should be considered. In some cases, people are free to be more honest about themselves. It's less intimdating to speak the truth over a machine than face to face. Not everyone feels that way, and some people do set out to deceive others because they're behind a computer, but not everyone is faking. The second thing to consider is people you meet face to face can lie as well, and you can't always tell by mannerisms. Sure, they can't lie about their gender or race, or anything that can be seen, but someone you meet can still put on a front. Any new relationship has its difficulties. Internet romances just present unique ones.
• India
28 Jan 07
Ask anyone in a face to face relationship and they will tell you that there is a lot of falseness to a long distance relationship. In general and specifically about who your partner truly is and how much the really care about you.
@jewel76 (2305)
• Canada
8 Jan 07
I totally agree that some people don't represent themselves accordingly, but some do. It's up to the other users/seekers, to get to know the person behind the photograph, talk online, talk on the phone, etc. I met my husband online, and we spoke for a whole night before we sent each other pictures. But both our minds were already made up; we enjoyed talking with each other, and we were going to meet. Which we did, and now we are married. So it's not that it doesn't work, you just have to know how to work it.
• India
28 Jan 07
Too bad but this is all fabricated. You wouldn’t see them as this perfect person who you are meant to be with if you two spent time when you were both at work and school, you know, reality. LIVING YOUR LIFE.
• India
8 Jan 07
it definatelly takes too much of my time.i come back from work turn the computer on just to check emails etc and the next thing i know is midnight or so and i havent done anything i was planning to do.or my days off-like today-i was meant to do some studying and other things i cant do when working but now its 1pm and i havent done anything as yet.I thought I will do some other work outside my home,but when I sit before the internet, there is no end to it. One site after the other and there are plenty of emails to be replied otherwise the information becomes stale. It is a type of addiction....
• India
28 Jan 07
So when you see each other you feel “on top of the world” oh that person is so special you feel perfect when they are around.
@vkbllm (474)
• India
8 Jan 07
Hi Dude What is this? you have asked the question and u ur self have given a quality answer! Strange, isnt that? Its very good explanation by you. You are quiet nice. Internet Romance never work, atleast never I have seen! Dont I will ever dare or try!!!!!
• India
28 Jan 07
Well the fact is that you are just enjoying the perks of each other and not seeing the whole of the other person or being there for them like a relationship is supposed to.