Step Kids

@Randync (544)
United States
January 8, 2007 2:01pm CST
I saw another discussion about step parenting here which led me to post this. I am enganged to a woman who has 3 kids. I have lived with them for over a year. She has 2 15 year old boys (not twins, one will be 16 in Feb) and an 11 year old girl. I am strongly encouraged by their mom to be involved with them in every way. The 11 year old and the younger 15 year old call me dad. I choose not to spank them, I do spank my 10 year old if he needs it. If I ground the two boys nothing is said. If I ground the girl then all hell breaks loose. The last time I did it, the mom allowed the girl to pick which two days she would be grounded for! I grounded her for not getting off the computer in the time frame I gave her and for yelling at me over it. Now don't get me wrong she is a good kid. She is very lazy and won't clean her room for anything and is allowed to get by with it. But for the most part she is a sweet kid. But she is already getting into that mouth off and do what she wants stage that teens get. I say nip it in the bud and make her clean her room now. Her mom don't understand that allowing her to get by with stuff will show her she can do worse later. Or am I wrong?
5 responses
@tbomb2002 (269)
• United States
8 Jan 07
I think it is important that you and your wife get on the same page as far as parenting and discipline matters go. Express your concerns to her, and explain to her that if she wants you to be more involved with the children, it is important that she not undermine what you do, especially in front of them. Communication between the two of you, and working together as a team, will make all the difference in the world in the eyes of the kids. I do agree with you that allowing the daughter get by with stuff now will make it worse later, but I also don't know your full situation. Perhaps the daughter is going through some sort of adjustment period, so maybe the mother is a bit more lenient on her for that? Maybe it is just because she is the only girl? In any event, you best bet is to sit down first with the wife and set some goals, then sit down as a complete family and fill the kids in on what is expected of them and what the punishments will be if they don't comply.
@Randync (544)
• United States
9 Jan 07
Thanks for the answer. I should have included that she lost a 4 year old girl to a brain tumor a few years ago. I think she spoils her 11 year old in part due to that.
• United States
9 Jan 07
You're welcome, and knowing now about the daughter that she lost, I am betting you are right about the reason she gives in more now to the 11 year old. It's a hard thing to not want to give in, but limits are still necessary for children so they will grow into well adjusted young adults. Good luck to you and your family, you sound very willing to work together as a team and that is important.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Jan 07
You should really talk to your soon to be wife about how to discipline the kids. It's not good that you want it this way and the other wants another way. Let her know that you only want the best for her kid. I don't understand why she can't be a good parent like you, I guess that's why they have gotten to be that age and still don't know much because of their mom's carelessness.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Jan 07
First of all you need to read the post ahead of you secondly I had 5 children and am the oldest out of 17. I am not a careless mom. He automatically wants me to spank them. I don't believe in that. If the kids have something to do and I have already promised them than I let them but they add an extra day to their grounding. My kids are very smart and know a lot. He only has his sons on weekends and gets by with just as much as my kids do. If you think Im a careless mom because I add extra day to their grounding than im sorry.
1 person likes this
@celray (141)
• United States
14 Jan 07
i know it is so hard to raise stepchildren we have 7 kids , 3 of them are my stepchildren, and with all this children you can expect all kinds of problem specially with 6 teenagers , my advice your wife is still dealing with her loss you should live the dicipline of her kids to her and concentrate on having a good relationship with them because i am sure that the loss of their sister also affected them.
@Randync (544)
• United States
14 Jan 07
Thanks for the reply!
@armywifey (883)
• United States
10 Jan 07
You need to talk to you fiancee about your feelings. You are right in wanting to correct her behavior now before it gets worse. Just make her mother understand that you are only trying to help. I can understand if the mother is trying to spoil her because of the loss of her younger daughter, but it is only going to hurt her in the long run.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
8 Jan 07
you are correct in disciplining her children but i guess you and your wife talk about it too....