Am i wasting my time on hope
@squishedwonders (26)
United States
January 8, 2007 2:01pm CST
I was in a realtionship for almost two years.. I absolutly loved this guy, he was my one and only, and i will always believe that no matter what he has done.
But recenly he told me that he cheated on me and he wanted a break cause he could not forgive him self for what he has done. He needed time on his own, ok fine. I understand that, but i was so devistated i begged not to take a break cause to me that was giving up on the relationship and not wanting to try anymore to make it work. Its not like i was this horrible person who wouldnt let him do whatever he wanted, and what not. He had options and choices just like everyone does. But then work started to get to him and my mother was unbarible, this women is so hard to get along with, and he was trying to get on her good side he really was. All this stress he was undergoing all at once just got to him, and the way out that he found was just to cheat on me, so thats what he did, i look at it as a midlife crisis. i dont know what else to call it.
Well i moved out of state to clear my mind and get a foot in the door to try and better my self, but i keep thinking about him, and i call him all the time and talk to him, and now he is wanting me to come back home to him. So we can raise our family and be happy again... I really want to do this, but i dont want to do this is he does not really mean it, and plus i dont want to be hurt again. My heart was ripped out of me that day, it really was. BUt all that we have been through i feel will make us stronger in the future and will bring us closer togather. Just maybe all the efforts that i have made, and all the sacrifices will make him see that he wont be happy with anyone else. And he has told me that he is not as happy as he thinks he is going to be, and that he wants to give us another chance.
am i doing the right thing, or is this all just going to repeat itself and i will have nothing.
please give me your advice...
12 people like this
71 responses
@urbanelamb (48)
• Australia
9 Jan 07
I will be honest I think you will get hurt again and if you return he will get away with his past actions and lead him to believe he can do it again.... The excuse he used about his work and mother in law is week in my opinion I have as well as others have found times trying but I have never strayed nor want to I am happily married I have been cheated on by an ex and take my word for it things will all be good when you get back but give it time and he will stray again.....If hes done it once and gets away with it whats to stop him doing it again.......Balls in your court but be happy and by the way time heals all wounds.
2 people like this
@melody1011 (1663)
• India
9 Jan 07
I think it would be better for you to take some time off, both from work and your mom so that you can decide what is best for you in life. First decide if you can forgive and FORGET his cheating on you. Also try and find out why he cheated on you. If its becuase he has lost interest in you, you need to move on. I know it will be very hard, but he might be just using you as you keep calling him and are there whenever he calls. On the other hand, if you really really love him, go back to him. This might actually work out for the better for you. Good luck
2 people like this
@joanna07 (110)
• Ireland
9 Jan 07
do not go bak to him whatever u do please no matter how much he begs! u will regret it if u do believe me its a big mistake do not go bak to him just move on. u will be happier without him and u wiil find ur prince charmin when u least expect it.
2 people like this
@joanna07 (110)
• Ireland
9 Jan 07
Don't do this what ever u do, he cheated he broke ur trust and everything how can yu go bak to him, i would advise u to move on find ur own path never give up hope. Some one else will come along when u least expect it to sweep u off ur feet but hav more repect for urself do not go bak no matter how much he begs. believe me u will thank me.!!
good luck
@kfg20012003 (1037)
• India
9 Jan 07
Never lose hope friend ,a day will come when he will accept you and you can live happily forever
@innechen (1318)
• Indonesia
9 Jan 07
everybody deserve a 2nd chance.he already got 1 good point by admit that he was cheating, and after breaking with you for a while he finally decided to ask you 2 come back to him thats mean he already learn his lesson and realize that he still love u no matter what.and by going back to him you also give ur self a 2nd chance on to make sure how the relationship will be on the future.so i think if you go back to him then its a good decision becoz u do still love him,right? hopefully you both can live more happy for the future.
1 person likes this
@squishedwonders (26)
• United States
9 Jan 07
yes i love him with everything in me, and would never give up on him, and i wanted him to know that. so i am trying not to give the impression of me losing hope. Cause i told him i care, but actions are much more stronger then words sometimes.
:)
@mansha (6298)
• India
8 Jan 07
I think you will end up hurting yourself again. Just read again what you have written. It seems you are too keen to try agin but he is not. He is just okay, I get the feeling he cares foir you as he has lived with you but not the way a lover should. He is doing this as he feels he should because you want to be with him noit because he wants to be. Try it once but be careful, because your need for himn is more than his need for you. If you are strong enough try and live on your own thats a better option.
1 person likes this
@western_valleygirl (1363)
• United States
9 Jan 07
I agree with Mansha, that you should really read what it is that you have written. Because it is apparent that his need for you is lesser than your need for him (very good point Mansha). And also, to add to the topic, he probably feels a sense of obligation and nothing more, because of the ties that you have. He probably liked the fact that he is no longer in the relationship and could not find a way before to get out of it. I cannot say for sure, but perhaps he has cheated on you more times than you know, and finally reached the point at which he can tell you. He probably thinks that you are so gullible (but you are not, you are just worried), that you would believe any story or excuse he can conjure up to get out of the relationship that you were once in.
1 person likes this
@squishedwonders (26)
• United States
9 Jan 07
thanx,
i am trying to be strong and not always call him, kind of let him do the calling, to see if he can even call to see how i am or how his unborn son is.
but sometimes it is hard to move on and think i am doing it for the best, i dont want to give up on him, people has given up on him his whole life, and i dont want to be one of them.
@_hope_ (3902)
• Australia
9 Jan 07
My friend i feel it`s time for you to move on .If your friend cheated on you even once the chance is that he will do it again .It`s better to find this out now and not when you have been married for a year or so and when little children are involved as it`s always the children who are hurt the most . the hope for you is that one day mr rite is out there waiting for you and that you will un boubtably find him and him you . take your time and don`t settle for second best because if you do you will regrett it in the future. take care and all the best my friend
@squishedwonders (26)
• United States
9 Jan 07
thankyou for your opinion, you speak as though you have been there before.
:)
@squishedwonders (26)
• United States
9 Jan 07
thankyou for your opinion, you speak as though you have been there before.
:)
@surpluscars (315)
• Philippines
8 Jan 07
there are times in our lives that we need to be alone to realize what we need to do...or lost someone first before you realize the importance of that person. true love will always prevail. if both of you still love each other, things will happen. and dont afraid to get hurt. its part of life.its part of being human
1 person likes this
@sweets9900 (726)
• United States
10 Jan 07
I agree. When you have time apart you can really think about what you want out of a relationship. We all have gotten hurt atleast once in our lives, but you can't let that change you.
@rick615 (413)
• United States
9 Jan 07
I do not think one should ever give up hope.
I also think one needs to look at things from a practical perspective as well. It may be that you do not know this young man very well and I think it is premature to give up everything for him, no matter how strong your feelings for him are at the moment. He has already shown you he has some character weaknesses.
there is nothing wrong with going back if you really believe in him and hope it will work out. But I would be cautious and would not start making familiy plans (or babies) with him for quite a while. You are young enough to wait a little while and let him prove that he is dedicated to you and not just using you for his own emotional stability.
Best of luck to you.
1 person likes this
@squishedwonders (26)
• United States
9 Jan 07
well see theres the catch i am 6 months pregnant, and the child is due in april.. i dont want him to think i am taking away his kid...which he already thinks that and i am trying to tell him it is not like that.
whether or not he has listened is up to him.
But i wont give up on him. I will always be there for him, even if he needed a friend, i will be there... will just be harder.
@shywolf (4514)
• United States
9 Jan 07
I think that you should trust whatever your heart is telling you. Also, would the pain of going back to him and having something bad happen again (which is always possible) be worse than how you would feel about turning him down and wondering the rest of your life about how things could have been? You have to weigh those two options inside your mind and heart and then only you can decide what is right for you.
@squishedwonders (26)
• United States
9 Jan 07
your right and i am afraid to make that decision on my own. i want his love around me, and dont want someone elses.
but i also need him to realize that to.
@anjuscor (1266)
• India
9 Jan 07
Never let your hope go away. Well, people would not know the imporatnce of the eprson when they are next to you. But you loose them, when they are away, you will know their value and how precious they are. So do loose hope. Give hima chance. If he has not looked at nay girl, if he still wants you back, go after him. Love should never gets ended, so have hope. He might have learnt a lesson by this time. So he might not do the same mistake again. But tell him clearly what you would like him to be. Dont just let him free and do what he wants. Some people will misuse it even though they do not want to. So be careful on that.
1 person likes this
@Mecboy (1050)
• United States
9 Jan 07
I agree with you!
Of course LOL, im gonna get an italian girl,
What if my airport for United States to italy was canceled.
Do I GIVE UP AND SAY IM GONNA END UP WITH NOTHING NO!
Ill travel in an airboat An airboat if i have too. I dunno how long food supply gonna last lol, and water supply,(do not drink salt water, it kills cells)
And then meet her.
1 person likes this
@doncris (637)
• Romania
9 Jan 07
hope is all we have! if you what you say is true, than you should know, that there aren't any perfect relationships and that you still have the freedom to move on and search for the perfection that doesn't exist...don't we all try to find something at least close to it?
1 person likes this
@western_valleygirl (1363)
• United States
8 Jan 07
I realize that you have heard this too many times, but it must be said again, you are still so young. And there are so many other things to be doing with your time than to spend it giving so much of yourself to a person that cheated on you. And, I do not know what it is that makes your mother unbearable, but I am assuming that it is just the fact that she worries about you and the decisions that you are making in your life. Parents care about their children's welfare (at least the good parents do), and so I would not sacrifice my parent and the relationship that we have over a misunderstanding or something really trivial.
Now, about this guy that you have dedicated countless hours of your life to, what is it that makes him so special to you? You should prepare a list (an honest one), of what good and what bad he has to offer to your life. The fact that he is already cheating on you, making you doubt your own self worth, and that he is coming between you and your family, can be added to your bad list already.
What I also would want you to do, is to really try to get a better perspective on your life. You say that you moved to do that, well, moving and starting over is a good idea, but I also recommend going to school and perhaps, getting a job (hopefully you are doing that already), before you make a commitment to someone else, make a commitment to yourself. You owe it yourself. Be strong, be wise, and be clearheaded.
1 person likes this
@squishedwonders (26)
• United States
9 Jan 07
i know why it makes it so hard, he was my first and only so far... and i dont trust men easily, and he was the first that i put all my trust into... and everytime he is near, i have security, and a sense of belonging. I have never felt that with anyone, but i know it would be hard and it is.
@deepakraj83 (180)
• India
9 Jan 07
if a man again want to come back that means either u have his baby or he relised his mistake.
u just meet him and speak with him clearly that does he love u or not or he just want u to make feelgood like a friends not like a lovers.
but if u know that he has so many relationship with girls then it will be better to live him because this type of person can leave with baggers also.
1 person likes this
@heffinchester (5)
• United States
9 Jan 07
First of all, never cease to hope. The question at hand is: What are you hoping for? Is it this man in particular, or is it a secure, loving relationship based on trust and mutual respect. I suspect it is the latter. Now I am all for forgiveness, People make mistakes. But it sounds like you are making excuses for him (work, mother, midlife crisis). If you are going to move forward with this relationship you really need an honest explanation for his behavior, even if the answer painful to hear. His honest motives should tell you if he can and will commit to you fully in the future. But if the little voice inside your head tells you he will wander again the perhaps it is time to place your hopes on another. Good luck. Peace.
1 person likes this
