Do you think adoptions should be opened or closed???

@coolcatzz (1587)
Canada
January 9, 2007 12:39pm CST
I saw a story about this yesterday where a mother gave up her twins but insisted on an open adoption. This allowed her visitation with the children. When she had an appt to see them it was Christmas Eve and she ended up kidnapping them and taking them across the border into Canada?? So it makes me wonder if we are asking for trouble when there is an open adoption. I don't necessarily think records should be sealed. Like if those children grow up and want to meet their birth parents I think they should have that right but I think allowing visitation when they are growing up may be asking for trouble. What do you think?
10 people like this
72 responses
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
9 Jan 07
I never saw this story but my brother is adopted and it is a closed adoption. I think this makes better sense but I think there should be away that it is easy for the kids to make contact with their biological parents if they choose or the parents if they choose when the adopted child comes of age. I don't think anybody should be forced into seeing their birth parent or child if they don't want to. But visitation doesn't make sense. If they where going to do it maybe it should have been supervised visitation. Personally my brother has never shown an interest in finding his birth parents. Though I think there should be away he could find his birth family medical history if necessary.
3 people like this
@tbomb2002 (269)
• United States
9 Jan 07
I saw this story too, and I tend to agree with you that allowing visitation with the biological parent can be trouble. At least the type of visitation that this adoption had, it was where the biological mom was able to take the kids alone for a certain number of days. I would never agree to that. I think if they wanted to do some kind of once a year visit, that would be fine, but it would have to be supervised. It's great that the biological parents want to know how the children are and how they are growing up, but if they wanted to be so involved in the kids life in the first place, they why give them up for adoption?
3 people like this
• India
9 Jan 07
YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT ALLOWING VISITATIONS WHEN THEY GROW UP IS ASKING FOR TROUBLE.... BUT I WOULD SUGGEST A CLOSED ADOPTATION IS MUCH BETTER IDEA
3 people like this
@cuddleme01 (2727)
• Philippines
10 Jan 07
i favor adoption only if it best serves the child concern that is when parents are incapable of providing for their children and sending them to school, giving them a quality life. biological parents should be given the right to visit their children. the visitation rights should of course be arranged in such a way as to prevent untoward incidents like what happened in the story you were talking about.it is an inherent right of parents to see their children and they shouldnt be deprived of that.
• India
10 Jan 07
After adoption, biological parents should never try to contact the child. Though, it should be opened to the child if he wants to meet his/her biological parents. We should see this problem from the angle of the child. Only god nourishes a person.. nobody else! For proper emotional development of the child, biological parent should refrain from interfereing in the matter of child. If it noticed that the child is facing any cruel behaviour in the family where he is adopted, society and law may interfere in the matter.
• India
10 Jan 07
After adoption, biological parents should never try to contact the child. Though, it should be opened to the child if he wants to meet his/her biological parents. We should see this problem from the angle of the child. Only god nourishes a person.. nobody else! For proper emotional development of the child, biological parent should refrain from interfereing in the matter of child. If it noticed that the child is facing any cruel behaviour in the family where he is adopted, society and law may interfere in the matter.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Jan 07
I think that it depends on the situation.I believe that their should be opened adoptions in the cases that the bio parents are not able to finacially take care of a baby because they have 3-4 other kids.And it should be left up to the bio parents if the adoption is opened or closed.I believe a parent has the right to maintain a relationship with their child even if they do give their kid up for adoption.it does not necessarily mean that their is going to be trouble in a open adoption.most people would not kidnapp a baby that they gave up for adoption they just want to maintain a relationship with the child which they have the right to do.I do not agree with closed adoptions because then the child grows up without knowing where they came from and they could have alot of questions so i think a open adoption is best but it depends on the circumstances.
• United States
10 Jan 07
I put this right up there with my opinion on abortion. I believe every situation is different not to mention extremly personal and private. You can not say whats right or wrong in this situation unless u are one of the parties.
2 people like this
• United States
10 Jan 07
I think that it should be up to the children. Once they are old enough if they want to meet their parent then they should be able to, but I dont think that it is a good idea for parents to be able to have contact when the children are young. It kind of defeats the purpose of giving the children up for adoption--if you can go visit them when they want. I have to imagine that it must be very hard for the adoptive parents as well. You pay all that money to adopt a child and then you have to deal with the birth parents......I am sure that it works out okay sometimes, but when you hear the stories like the one you talked about.....it really makes you wonder.
2 people like this
@Shar11 (419)
• United States
9 Jan 07
Yes, I read about that...what a terrible story... I think although this case was truly bad there are lots of people who choose open adoptions and find it a perfect situation for them and thier children..I've read some pretty warm stories too..So like most things, there is good and bad... I think it's up to the parties involved to decide and they better agree way ahead of time on exactly what they want...
@patgalca (16671)
• Orangeville, Ontario
9 Jan 07
There are two opinions I have on this. I don't know the timeline involved in this particular case. I thought there was a grace period in giving the parent a chance to change their mind. If there isn't there should be. This woman is 49 years old, not a teenager. I think if she wanted her children back then she has that right. I know she should not have given them away to begin with, and these are children, not objects. She should never have had unsupervised visits when they knew she had changed her mind. They were ASKING for this to happen. Now, in general, I do believe children should be able to find their parents when they grow up. Especially for medical reasons. What if a child needs a transplant and their biological parent is the only one who can help them? I believe once a child is adopted the only contact with the bio parents should be through photographs and letters. I really have mixed feelings about this because as a mother, I would want to see my child. On the other hand I would never have given my children away. And again, if I adopted a child and bonded with that child, I would be terribly upset if that child were taken away from me because the mother changed her mind. And allow me to be a hypocrite here because my husband adopted my daughter and she does not know that he is not her biological father. But I believe that situation is different. He was there from the beginning where her bio dad wanted nothing to do with either of us. If he came to claim her today I would laugh in his face. I'm still her mother. I think every situation is different and must be treated accordingly.
2 people like this
@Ravenladyj (22920)
• United States
10 Jan 07
I had a closed adoption (though my records are being unsealed as are all adoptions that occured in Ontario during certain yrs but they have put restrictions in place for those seeking to find their real parents which is a great idea)....not knowing any information about myself has been very difficult....growing up the way I did was damaging...not having medical history is actually quite scary especially since having children of my own.....So I dont agree with closed adoptions for various reasons...HOWEVER I think open adoptions should have restrictions and not be free range to avoid situations like this from happening...
1 person likes this
@Ravenladyj (22920)
• United States
10 Jan 07
I also think though that ALL PARTIES involved should be in agreement to it...it should never be forced on the adoptive parents but yes i think open adoptions should be an option without a doubt... to answer the question someone asked about why would a biological parent want to see the child...well if my father had been allowed to see me I'm sure he would have seeing how he didnt want to give me up..not all situations are about the parents nto wanting the child, many are in fact the parent/parents cant raise that child for whatever reason...
1 person likes this
@emisle (3823)
• Ireland
10 Jan 07
I think that the records should be there for the children to see when they get older, if they want, but i don't think the parents should be told where their children have been placed.
1 person likes this
• India
10 Jan 07
the adoption should be closed always,As it can cause a dilemma for the child or the birth parents to be imotionally attached if it is open,and it can cause a problem with the child relation with his adopted parents,The right of the child should always be with adopted parents,as they hve taken the pain in bringing them up
1 person likes this
@drmt57 (295)
• United States
10 Jan 07
i agree with you, if the parent does not want the responsibility of raising that child. the adopted parent shouldn't allow them to be a part of that child life as they are growing up. but i think the child should be told that they are adopted and it should be up to the child to unseal the records.
1 person likes this
• India
10 Jan 07
i think we should maintain a record for this purpose and it should be opened unless we show the record to the government. yes the child has the right to see their the birth parents
1 person likes this
@Marie2473 (8517)
• Sweden
10 Jan 07
I belive that the child should be told that he/she is adopted and if they waqnt they should have the right to contact their birthmother at the age of 18. But I do not think that the mother who gave them up should have this right. Maybe when the kid is 18 the files could open both ways!
1 person likes this
@Tanika (632)
• Australia
10 Jan 07
This is terrible for the poor child to have to live this way. I think that if you are going to give your child up for adoption then you should be responsible for the consequence that you will never see that child again.
@bugbaby (1787)
• Indonesia
10 Jan 07
Yes I'm agree with ya. I think adoption should be opened but don't let the parents meet them.
1 person likes this
• India
10 Jan 07
You are right Visitation should be banned. Why do a parent wants to know where the child is once given up. The adoption should be a closed one.
1 person likes this
• India
10 Jan 07
My uncle was married for mare than 8 years and they couldn't have a baby. He was very much worried and my aunt too was very depressed. They were advised by some of his friends to adopt a child. They too agreed to it and adopted a girl and now they are happy..... So i think adoption should never be closed....
1 person likes this
@olga13 (194)
• Japan
10 Jan 07
I agree with you, it may cause mental problems for the children and they will wonder - who are we? who is this woman? why did she give us up? It also can cause problems like you told above of kidnaping.
1 person likes this