How life has changed for me (for the worst) in the last three years...
By Languish
@Languish (137)
January 11, 2007 5:28am CST
Life has changed immeasurably for me, and for the worst, in the last three years. In July 2004 i was at my peak in almost every area. I had a good job with good money, i was looking good and feeling healthly (jogging 2-3 times a week, 11.5 stone) and my finances were in the black - my only debt being a my very manageable mortgage.
In August 2004 i lost my job through unfair dismissal and despite winning my claim (quite rightly so) i was out of work for almost a year afterwards. My financial award became my salary so i never gained any benefit from it (like buying a new car, for example). I was then pretty much forced to take any work going. I had to accept a weekly paid contractor role in a major IT services company. Although a really nice company (the best i have ever worked for) my finances were destroyed by the erratic and low weekly pay. I feel behind in arrears on everything. To top it off my wife stopped working for a minimal health issue. I've since secured permanent employment with this company but compared to my salary back in July 2004 i am still £300+ worse off every month and without my wife working.
I have also gained almost three stone in weight. My self-esteem has hit rock bottom. I am swamped in debt, depression and with no real light at the end of the tunnel. The company i used to work for, despite my hard work and ethos, sacked me over the most trivial thing and have basically condemned me.
I don't know if this has happened to anyone else or not but i just wander if i will ever get out of this mess and start enjoying life again. I am too cowardly to even consider taking my life but sometimes i wander what i really have to live for. I feel so poor and worthless.
I just wish i could be proud of myself again, and my achievements, and i wish i could provide for my family once again.
Sorry for the rant but sometimes i feel life is so unfair.
5 people like this
37 responses
@liciagomes (453)
•
11 Jan 07
Hey Languish, sometimes God closes one door of opportunity so that you open the best door that he has left behind for you. Its up to you to find this door and make the best of it. If you give up at such an early age then no one will be able to help you. Never give up. I would suggest you go and visit the very poor and lowly who don't even have a roof over their heads and have to ravage through the dustbins to look for food. Is this your state??? no, so you are very lucky. Go to a Cancer hospital and see the number of people dying, people who have no control over their lives, they don 't know when they will kick the bucket and even if they do know theres no way they can reverse that. Listen to people whose problems are much worse then yours and you will realize that your problems are nothing at all. SO pull up your socks and get along with life.
2 people like this
@Languish (137)
•
11 Jan 07
Oh yes, i forgot to mention, my mother was diagnosed with overian cancer a couple of months back. She's been given four months to live.
I'd love to pull my socks up but unfortunately life doesn't permit even that luxury.
I respect your religious beliefs, of course, but this sums up why i am an aethiest. If there is a god, which in my opinion there is not, then he take great pleasure in punishing me. I lead a good, honest life even as a 'heathen' and yet this is still not acceptable. Some god.
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
11 Jan 07
languish, i won't blame you if you are an athiest. sometimes, i doubt my religious beliefs, too. i question as well. and question more each day.
and i am sorry to hear about your mom. and i know that you want to be there for her financially. but she'll understand if you can't. be there instead emotionally. give her a call or send her messages and make her feel better.
as liciagomes says, sometimes, a door of opportunity closes. but don't worry, let your windows remained open and you'll see greater opportunities in due time. i hope things will really get better for you.
1 person likes this
@Languish (137)
•
11 Jan 07
Thanks. Well to be truthful no amount of money can help her right now. I've been there from the start from a supportive, emotional point of view. Like my father i feel utterly powerless though.
Right now i am rock bottom desperately looking for such an opportunity. I am incredibly patient but unfortunately everything else in my life is not so patient.
@banta78 (4326)
• India
11 Jan 07
hello languish, I feel you did right thing by writing about this on mylot as by discussing one's problems, one feels a lot lighter and relaxed. As keeping it to oneself can vbe really depressing. I rally feel bad for what problems you are facing. Me and my family also have had faced a lot of problems in life. But i don't feel being pessimistic or sad or depressed about the whole situation does us any good. and yes at times life seems unfair. but ups and downs are part of life and we should accept them for what it is.
I feel you should be optimistic as you have improved a situation a lot now as you now have a permanent job which you must worked hard for. One should think of small positive steps, as it is not possible to have everything we want, way we want. I feel you should get your priorities in life right. And have a postive attitude, postive outlook to life. And devleop philosphical outlook of life and see the brighter side of picture be an optimist. Have faith in yourslef and in your ability and in your god and family and through your hard work and ethos, vsion, planning, work you are bound to succeed. besides you can always improve your health by simpy going for walks n morning, listeining to good music, having a good circle of friends, being active in life.
Live life on your terms, be yourself, and live life to fullest, and dont' feel gulity as it doesn't do any good. and life is not worthless , it should be treasured. we should be thankful of god for giving us so much when there are millions who die of poverty, starvation. I feel you genuinely want o do something improve your life by stating how you feel. i wish you all the luck and hope we all can be successful in life. good luck.
1 person likes this
@Languish (137)
•
11 Jan 07
Thanks Banta for you comprehensive and considerate response. If anything i do remain positive and upbeat - certainly to my family and friends - i've posted my REAL feelings right here. Underneath the somewhat 'cold' exterior this is how i genuinely feel. I agree there have been small positive steps in the right directions but they are still accompanied by equally disruptive setbacks.
I genuinely want to turn this around but am stuck with a wife who basically wont work, a major self-esteem problem, debts all over me like a rash with no way to pay even a token amount to them.
I often feel the argument about people being worse off than me is an unfair one. Even those in abject poverty still have someone who is worse off than they are. It's not fair to them either. It's almost denying them the right to be a bit annoyed with how life treats them.
I'd like to add, not to you, but to anyone else who reads this thread that i'm not looking for sympathy i just dumped out here exactly how i feel inside. On the outside, despite my obvious struggle, my family have no idea of the torment and depression i struggle with every single day.
@freespirit200736 (24)
• United States
12 Jan 07
word of advise, clue them in, let them know how you are feeling. Gain that extra support system to deal with what you are going through. If that doesn't work seek professional help. Even though we all have to make a living in order to live, the key word is LIVE we have to sit back and take things into perspective. So you lost one job (unfairly), and the next job doesn't pay as well. The blessing there is that you found a second job!!. Some people get laid off and it takes months & months to find other employment, some end up homeless, or worse some take their own lives. So even though you may be going through a rough patch, see your blessing for what they are!!!
@Bevsue (251)
• United States
11 Jan 07
This is just how life works, darling. Everything happens at once. There is no one problem that you have that will do you in, but it is the sum of all of them happening at one time that has you so down. My advice is to pick the easiest problem situation and work on that first. Solve or fix it and it will give you the strength and momentum to tackle the next one. The upside of this is that it has been my experience that it works the same for the good things in life. You will also have periods when it seems everything falls into place for you. Enjoy those and reflect back on them when you hit a bad patch like this.
1 person likes this
@prashantbhargav (309)
• India
11 Jan 07
Hey all I would like to tell u is that u need not worry a lot about the present circumstamces....but as the troubles come will pass away swiftly......coz every one has ups and lows during his' or her's life.......Quoting my example though it may seem to be a small problem when compared to the one you have or from your point of view.....I got very less percentage in my 12th standard and those marks did.nt deserve addmission to any of the institute...but some how i got admission and am into the 3rd year of my electrical engineering degree.........and as u seems to be in the IT field u need not worry about the job.....
1 person likes this
@inked4life (4224)
• United States
11 Jan 07
Languish, I can really empathize with your story as the wife and I went through a similar situation a few years back (not the job loss mind you). I am a stay at home dad and my wife was in a horrible job with a company that was on the brink of shutting up shop just about every day of the week (we used to go to the bank machine with fingers crossed hoping her check had been deposited every 2 weeks). We were deep in debt and to cap it all, my mum was going through chemo to battle colon cancer (a battle she lost I'm afraid to say). As you said earlier, it was hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel through the black cloud that seemed to be hanging around us. Then one day, out of the blue, my wife gets a job offer from a US based comapny (we were in Canada at the time), with a huge cash incentive to move...it was a no brainer and we haven't looked back since.
I guess my point is that good things tend to happen to good people in the end, you just gotta try and hang in there through the crap....I really hope that things work out for you...keep us posted with your progress...cheers mate.
1 person likes this
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
11 Jan 07
i am sorry to hear about your story. i don't have such a bad experience like you. but my boyfriend when being dumped and being cheated on by his exes before, he was so upset that he went so fat and lost self confidence. but with the help of his friends and family, he was able to boost again his ego. and now, i can say that i am lucky having him in my life. he's now my strength and my inspiration.
sometimes, our past molds us into a better person. it's just that we learn about it too late because of depression and self pity. you seem to be a determined and a nice person. make your determination to provide more for your family's better future your booster. don't lose hope. there are a lot of people who are like you but they never gave up. instead, strive harder and show to that old company you've been from that it's their lost when they let go off a great employee like you. there's still life and your family and wife needs you. hang on. fasten your seatbelt and be prepared to do something greater!
1 person likes this
@Languish (137)
•
11 Jan 07
I've not given up, and never have, but from time to time i do feel i just need a break from all the bad luck.
Its three years down the line and i am still very much worse off. I waiting, patiently, for the time that i finally exceed my old salary.
I raring to go - there is just nothing i can do to fix these problems - everything is just completely out of my hands.
@anup12 (4177)
• India
12 Jan 07
Hi Languish these things happens in life after all life is a big battle be a man fight it.Just fight out the problems be a fighter and u will always be a winner.I am abosultely sure u will achieve more in life and u ahve achieved many more which others cannot even think of all the best
@Sheeniepie (873)
• Philippines
13 Jan 07
hi there...
well that was really though..i sympathize with what you were going through, but you see, we really have to move on with our life, face the reality and do something about it... looking back at those moment could add up to your burden....
this things happen for a reason believe me, maybe there's something that God wants us to know, something that we need to learn... and i guess now you have to appreciate even the simplest thing life...
dont worry, as long as your doing your best to support your family, you would soon make it to the top again...
just continue to live by faith, hope and love, for there would always be something to look forward to..
take care and giving you my warmest regards...
godbless you....
@shiboleth (270)
• Canada
12 Jan 07
This is a very sad story. It is proof that the rewards of this world truly are ephemeral.
I will pray for you that you find a purpose in life. I hope that things work out for you.
1 person likes this
@livingtwist (410)
• United States
12 Jan 07
Welcome to the real world! Life is full of ups and downs, I've had my share too. There is no easy answer and we all have them. Best advice anyone can give is try to see if you learned anything during that time. Most of us fail to understand that these things somehow make us stronger and better over time if can find a lesson in the experience.
1 person likes this
@subha12 (18441)
• India
12 Jan 07
don't be so depressed we all have low times in our life. after that again life will try to look up . may be we enjoy good times as bad times are there. i believe again things will start looking up and u will start seeing good times. best of luck for u.
@Sawsen (793)
• United States
12 Jan 07
I think what you need is a little faith. And asking, "why me?" isn't going to get you anywhere. You need to look on the brigter side of things, as in, you are still alive, and you have a beautiful wife. Also, I think what would help is if you tell yourself that everything in life happens for a reason. And God only gives a person as much as they can handle. You have to be your biggest fan, or no one else will. You know, I'm sure you feel like your life is at it's lowest low, but look at the world around you. You are not in a third world country where AIDS has taken the lives of others. You are not homeless and starving. You are living in a country that challenges you to be your best, so take advantage of it, and go out there and be all that you can be.
@ladysurvivor (4746)
• Malaysia
12 Jan 07
To compare your position with mine, I think you still have a wonderful life. To me life doesn't mean anything no more. I was the best student in my faculty and I was once offerred so many jobs from so many great companies. But after that I experienced something tragic and the trauma made me depressed and it affected my health. Now I am struggling to compose myself back and get back my dignity, my achievements and everything that I had lost for 8 years now. But I still believe in God and pray to him one day I will be out of this misery. The thing I do now is try to avoid things that I am phobia at. As long as I stay out of them, I am ok. So good luck to you. I think your problem is just because you couldn't find another job that gives you the same salary as your previous job. Keep on searching for the job. You can search through many online employment agencies. For me, I am in Asian regent so I browse at jobstreet, jobsdb and Business Trends. Maybe you can try search for your local employment agencies. I wish you all the best of luck.
1 person likes this
@faustinodioso (155)
• Philippines
12 Jan 07
My life change for the fast three years.There is good and bad thing's to challege my life.Im proud of myself because my family is always there to guide me.I'm always be fair to freindship,I have also a good achievements,I work before as a staff nurse in Saudi Arabia when i finish my contract,I go back to my country to be with my family were happy,Right now the change in me is I work at home,I try to improve my earning's in writting to mylot community.The thing that change here is the nature of my job,before there so many boss who look at me in the Hospital station,too much pressure in my job,now I dont have a boss,i work at home,less expensive like no need for transportation,but I pay the internet bill.Thank's to god that i can eat food for 3 times a day and my family is healthy and also me.
1 person likes this
@sankum (88)
• India
12 Jan 07
Hey Languish don't feel depressed mate. Its all parts and part of life, we don't know what is in store for you. Taking advice from stranger is not advicable, so my suggession would be to set Goal for yourself. Ranging from Long term to short term goals. Concentrate on your short term goals and go for it. Do not worry about the results, the result is a relative term, so never worry about it. If you think that you have lost in that short term goal you can always make up next time. Have your long term goals closely associated with your short ones. Do not try for the long term goals right away, it requires planning and steady progress. I always do that mate believe me its my kind suggession to you. Do not ever think this is end of your life, they are just passing clouds. I always remember the saying of Swami Vivekanda 'Arise Awake stop not till the goal is reached'. Set goals mate you would succeed in life. All the very best for your future.
1 person likes this
@HERMIS (16)
• United States
12 Jan 07
Life always goes through ups and downs. If everything in life goes on smoothly we will not realize the importance of happiness. Only after experiencing sorrow , do we realize the importance of joy. Atleast you have a job, a family. Have patience and be confident that you will be able to improve your life. Be determined and concentrate in your work. Happy days will soon come.
@lifeiseasy (2292)
• United States
12 Jan 07
Pick yourself up brush off the dust and walk proud like man. Hey make your own destiny.I love my life,Ilove my work,I love everything around me. Do you have kids if so then think of them and your wife more than yourself. I am sure that will bring you to your senses.
1 person likes this
