What should I do?
By tanaclark
@tanaclark (570)
United States
January 16, 2007 8:43am CST
Ok I would like some advice on something. So I have a friend of mine who is really a very sweet guy. He is very kind the type of person that anyone who meets him just feels comfortable around. I have only known him a few months but we have come very close. I really care alot about him. He is in love with a woman with whom he has known for 16 years they were once intimate but now she just kind of keeps him hanging from a string. She has him watch her kids and stay there when she wants to go out with friends. She lets him give her full naked body massages but wont kiss him because she says shes with someone. But the naked body massage is ok. Even though she dont tell her boyfriend about it. I just feel she is treating him wrong. She tells him when shes single that she dont want to date anyone then she turns around and moves in with a different guy. While she has my friend living with her and doing all the house chores and babysitting. No matter what she does he is there for her. Even though she hurts his feelings and he comes and tells me about it. I tell him that she loves him as a friend but not like he loves her. He says he wishes she would just tell him that they are never going to be to gether again so that he can move on past her and get on with his life. But she wont. What should I do to help him? What can I do? I care about him and I hate seeing him hurt. But she is not doing him right. Your Opinions and advice would be very much appreciated.
10 people like this
68 responses
@chemicalh2 (627)
• Philippines
16 Jan 07
Have the courage and Tell him how you feel. being honest about everything has its downs but the truth will always set you free. Feeling pity is normal due to the situation he is now. I think the guy deserves more and the good things that he has is just right by his side (you). Its best to tell him earlier.
1 person likes this
@gesaerwang (7)
• China
17 Jan 07
I think this is the right way to treat this thing! love is between two persons and they should cherish each other!just have a deep talk with him and let him know how you care about him.
1 person likes this
@tanaclark (570)
• United States
17 Jan 07
I dont want to hurt his feelings but I do think I should tell him.
@Blondey016 (9)
• Australia
17 Jan 07
ok... i have been in this same position before as you... i did what i thought was right but in the end i was the one who got hurt. my best advice for you is to stay out of it or it will turn around and bite you in the bum. It should all sort itself out later on but for now just try to keep your friend as happy as possible. What would he do without someone there to listen and cheer him up?
@tanaclark (570)
• United States
19 Jan 07
Thats what I am afraid of. Thank you both for your advice.
@banditwsj (653)
• Indonesia
19 Jan 07
i think that choice in your hand. your life must go on. make your best choice. i think there is just two way you can do.
keep your relationship with him even make your heart broke or leave him and make your new own way for your life.
@cyndhirella (549)
• Philippines
19 Jan 07
Be brave to tell him how you feel about him. Your concern will be greatly appreciated by him. But then, never demand him to keep away with the girl he is seeing, let him decide for himself. At least, let him realize that what he's doing doesn't do good for him. Perhaps, he just loves the girl so much that he is willing to take sacrifices and hurt. What really counts for him is the time they share together and the thought of knowing that she is happy.. even he is not! Respect that. If he's happy with it, so be it. just be there for him when he needed it the most. Besides, whats important is for you to let him feel that despite his hurts, there is someone to cares a lot for him, that's you. Eventually, he will realize that what he is doing for her is wrong. I just hope, by the time came that he decided to give up on her, you are still patiently, quietly and lovingly waiting for him to welcome him in your life.
I wish you a happy ending.
@tanaclark (570)
• United States
19 Jan 07
Thank you for your response. I do think that he loves her so much that he will do anything just so shes happy.
@angelastreit (287)
• United States
19 Jan 07
First off girl I give you mad props for putting up with this for so long. If I was in your shoes I would lay it out and tell him out you feel. If things are ment to be you two will be together.
@pestalozzi (96)
• Philippines
19 Jan 07
tell him how you feel directly. i think that could change everything.
@lauriefnp (5111)
• United States
17 Jan 07
This woman does not deserve the love of such a kind and loyal man, that's for sure. It is so obvious that she is using him and stringing him along. I don't think that he can even consider her to be a good friend, as friendship is a two-way relationship, and this definitely sounds like he's the only one giving in this one. It's a shame that he has wasted so many years chasing after something that will never happen, and someone that is not capable of bringing happiness to his life. He must have a really poor self-esteem by now. My opinion is that you, as his friend, could kindly and gently discuss the "facts" that you presented here with him. Find out if he perceives the situation as you do, and as the majority of us do. Try to encourage him to be realistic; better yet, try to encourage him to speak with a relationship counsellor about his situation? You could offer to go with him for support, as his true friend. He really needs some help to move past this, and I would bet that he will need some professional help. He's not going to be able to let go easily, it sounds like.
@digvijay_samrat (13)
• India
17 Jan 07
The person whom we love, we cant see him/her in trouble as we consider it as somebody is hurting us. The est way u can help ur freind is to make him feel happy when he is wid u. make him to feel comfortale at ur company and u have not gone to thing why only he tells u about his problems to u. He also feel comfotable when he unloads his sorrow to u. u can counsel his wife from the position of his friend. atlast, i nothing works ty to ezxplaim him the relation which make ur life hell should be broken.
@bonbon50 (659)
• United States
17 Jan 07
"He says he wishes she would just tell him that they are never going to be together again so that he came move past her and move on with his life..."
She has done everything to indicate to such without actually voicing those words. Your friend is a willing door mat! A person can only be treated the way they'll allow themselves to be treated. He needs to grow a back bone, face facts, and move on before he wastes any more of his life on this leech of a woman....
@tanaclark (570)
• United States
19 Jan 07
I completely agree . I only wish I could make him see that. thank you
@patrice7 (1191)
• United States
17 Jan 07
i think that you should tell your friend to leave the girl. she is just using your friend to do the chores she doesnt want to do. and she is abusing the love of your friend. well it is good that you are always there for your friend as relationship problems tend to be very depressing. anyway, ask your friend to stop fooling himself. i think that it is way too clear that the woman is not inlove with her. he should just go away and not come back and have other priorities. tell him to find a girl that he will love and will love him back.
@kent_potat (65)
• Malaysia
17 Jan 07
Synonym to Rhihana's song (Unfaithful). why don't you just inform him what are really happen? He is being used as a babysitter and so many thing. Just inform him and if he don't believe in you, let him see what are really happen.
@nrmrreddi (356)
• Germany
17 Jan 07
If I would be a friend of him iwould just advice him to leave forget her. Because all I feel is she just taking advantage of him by showing her body and taking help. This would make him mad about her, just mad. Its just foolish to still be back of her. It would be better to let out his feeling to her and see what happens next.
@verna4321 (14)
• United States
17 Jan 07
Your friend needs to save himself. The decision to move on must be his own decision. Be there for him to listen and support.
@Lemongrass18 (313)
• Singapore
17 Jan 07
This is a man and woman relationship thus as a 3rd party its best you do not intervene. I know it hurts watching him going thru' like this. But if he doesn't mind who are you to mind? Leave them alone. One day he'll wake up (hopefully) and move on with his life.
@nishanity (1650)
• India
17 Jan 07
hmmmmmmmmm... your concern for ur pal is touching!!! well looks like he is digging his own grave... if u care about him so much, why dont u go and meet this lady pal and give her a piece of your mind??? tell her how he feels about her and tell her to come clean with him.... try to be as polite as possible and listen to her side of the story too!!! so far u know only his side of the story... so dont be judgemental... for all you know , your pal could be lieing to get your sympathy... i know of guys lik that!!!
@tanaclark (570)
• United States
19 Jan 07
I have talked with her and she told me she cares about him and she dont want him but dont want no one else to have him either
@jithinsb (518)
• India
17 Jan 07
I think the best thing that he can do is just tell that woman that this is enough,and tell him what she actully wants from him..if he doesnt get the courage ,then as a bestfriend you should be there to help him..you should give him the support so that he will be able to go and ask the woman about the whole stuff..and before that you should make him understand that she is not the one for him and that she is really making use of his innosence,and as a bestfriend you dont want that to happen..evenif he resist what you are asking him to do for the first time,force him again and again,and may be after somedays or so he will get that into his head and will be able to do what he is supposed to do..
so just be with him and let him know that she is not the one for him ....
@lastwish (779)
• India
17 Jan 07
I short she is using ur friend, if he is your good friend try to explain him what she is doing with him its a cheat if i would have been him i would have done a good and healthy massage to her ....lol
@mochie_gernale (14)
• Philippines
17 Jan 07
It'll be great, and i am very positive that it would help.. if you'll tell him that you care about him. I know that you 're thinking that he might misunderstood you or he might think that you're just saying it to have his attention. you have to consider those possibilities. But, with situations like this...you have to let him realize that he's loving a wrong girl..he has to think of himself once in a while especially if you think that he is being abused by the "girl" that she wants. And i would also suggest to have the courage to talk to the girl..ONCE AND FOR ALL since she's one of the reasons why you're having these confusions and problems.
It'll be good if you'll talk to them and let them know and realize what they want in their lives. and for you personally, in what ive read..it appears that you don't only care for this person..you love him. and you have to fight for your feelings before its too late.
