Did i do the right thing??

United States
January 16, 2007 11:27pm CST
The past year and a half i've been with my boyfriend who i love very much. There's just one problem that i cant handle anymore. I've given him many chances and he just hasn't stopped. He has been on drugs since he was 16 years old. So that's nearly 30 years. I cant' stand it. I hate it so much and I have tried so hard to trust him and try to help but it seems i can't. He is influenced by guys at work that do the same thing. He wasnt home when i got home tonight. I looked on the top of the counter and there was the baking soda and soda can that he used. I just cant do this anymore so i packed his things and put them on the porch. Do you think i handle this right? I also wrote a note and put it on the screen. It wasn't a rude note. I also called his friends cell phone that i know he was with and told him to bring him home to get his stuff and that i was sick of both or their stuff. Tell me what you think... I really need advice bad.
35 people like this
64 responses
• United States
17 Jan 07
First off I would like to say I am sorry. It is hard to make this decision but I do feel it was the right one for you to make. Dealing with someone who has an addiction is never an easy issue and when they are not high they seem so sincere that they will stop. The sad thing is that they probably want to but they cannot do it for you. You may be helping him more than you think because a lot of the times it takes them loosing the plp close to them to realize their problems and get the help they need. Best of luck to both of you.
3 people like this
• United States
17 Jan 07
thank you so much. this has been the worst experience of my life. the worst part is he just did this 2 days ago and then again tonight. it hurts me so much to think he wants that more than me. it's the hardest thing i've ever had to do. he does seem so sincere and it's hard for me to let that go. but he lies all the time and he even told me the other day that he lies to me about 60% of the time. that hurt me too. he says he's really busy at work and he's not. he gets off the phone with me to do nothing. he told me that to my face. anyways thank you for the help.. i really appreciate it.
• Italy
17 Jan 07
it is a very big problem dear bya... but..for my personal opinion, you have done the correct choice.. because, for me, he isn't the boy of your life..
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jan 07
i think she means u have to let him do the rehab himslef, not WITH you... he has to get over this without your help.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Feb 07
I am sorry you had to go through that. You have been going through this for a long time, and after many chances he did not stop. I think the only thing you could do was move on with your life. People who do things like that wind up bring you down. Hopefully he will realize what happen and change his ways for the better. Good Luck to you...
2 people like this
• United States
12 Feb 07
i did all i could do. it had to end somewhere. i can't have him bringing me down. i want to be happy someday and he wasn't making me happy. thanks for responding
@ashiflett (1045)
• United States
17 Jan 07
It seems to me that you really need no advice at all. I think that you handled this situation well, and I respect you for it. Maybe this will allow him to open his eyes and try to salvage what little life he does have left before it is too late. Good for you! Don't look back!
2 people like this
• United States
18 Jan 07
thank you for responding. i guess i just need encouragement and know what i did was right. now that i realize that i did. i think i'll be ok..
• Portugal
24 Feb 07
Guess you did the right thing. this kinds of relationship are really hard, and sooner or latter this would happen. People who was some kind of addiction are difficult to handle and sometimes even love can't help! Just hope that everything works out for you!
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Feb 07
it was very hard to go through. he was very hard to deal with. thanks for responding
@flagella08 (5067)
• Philippines
23 Feb 07
even if it hurts, you've got to arrive at very wise decision. you break up with him or send him to authorities like police or social welfare folks.don't push yourself too hard. i guess you have done enough for him and asked GOD for some signs whether you will still stay with him or not. but it's far more better for both of you to split ways.your sacrifice is not worth it pal. think about this.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Feb 07
yes it did hurt but i knew what i had to do. no my sacrifice of my life wasn't worth it at all. thanks for responding
• United States
23 Feb 07
Yes, yes, yes, you did the right thing! Now stick by your decision and move on with your life. You deserve much more than this guy was giving you. There is a big world out there, and somewhere there is a nice guy just waiting to meet you. I know that sounds harsh, but you deserve BETTER. Don't just "settle" for a bad situation, wait for the right one to come along. In the meantime do two things--1. Have a good cry! 2. Focus on you and your life. Learn to be happy with you. Expand your interests, go out with friends, broaden your horizons, and be good to yourself. You'll be o.k. Good luck!
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Feb 07
yes i have sticked by my decision thus far. i thought i deserved much more it was hard to realize it. i hope there is a guy out there for me that will treat me right. i know i can't settle for less than i deserve. thanks for responding.
@vanities (11409)
• Davao, Philippines
23 Feb 07
you did the right thing,,you dont have any bright future if you still accept him or be martyr all along throughout your life..move on and find another ther are so many fishes in the ocean you know waiting for you..
• United States
24 Feb 07
no my future was getting pretty dark if i was to be with him any longer. i will be searching for a nice, sweet fish and hopefully i'll one day find it. thanks for responding
@sizzle3000 (3038)
• United States
22 Feb 07
I know this was not easy for you but yes you did right. Some times tough love is needed. With any luck he may miss you and try to change. Please be carefull and make sure he is clean before you even consider taking him back. Once an addict always an addict. It is one day at a time. He needs to make a choice and it will be a hard choice. You must stand firm in your choice though. I am sorry that anyone has to go through this.
• United States
24 Feb 07
he may miss me but i don't think he will try to change. you're right. once an addict always an addict. especially one for 27 years. thank you for responding.
@Starline (681)
• United States
22 Feb 07
You did the right thing in leaving him. I hope that he doesn't come back. Good luck!
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Feb 07
i know now that i did the right thing. thanks for responding and for the good luck
@MsTickle (25136)
• Australia
22 Feb 07
You poor little soul. My heart bleeds for you. I've been reading your posts and I'm seeing an amazing young person here. You don't seem to realise how strong you are. You are also incredibly caring and compassionate. You have way too much heartache and sadness in your life. Do you have any friends? What is your job? Do you ever have fun, or laugh? I believe we all need love and laughter in our lives. Without these things I think it's all just too difficult. A month has passed since you did this brave thing. How is this situation now? Have you realised that your decision was a good thing? I will pray for you pebbles. Hugs to you sweety.
• United States
24 Feb 07
i've been through a lot of things and am trying to make the best of my life. i guess i don't realize how strong i am. sometimes i think i have too much care and compassion in me. i really don't have friends except here on mylot. i choose not to have because i always seem to attract the wrong kind of friends. i am currently not working right now but i am trying to find a job. i really don't have much fun or laughter since there are so many things to take care of and no money to have fun. the situation is better as i am alone. i am much better off by myself than with him. i think my decision was a good thing. thanks for the prayers and hugs. it's much appreciated. thanks a bunch
• United States
17 Feb 07
To reiterate what everyone else said, you did the right thing. You needed to get yourself out of his life so that he didn't screw up yours.
• United States
23 Feb 07
yep that's my thoughts exactly. thanks for responding
@XxAngelxX (2830)
• Canada
17 Feb 07
I'm sorry things turned out this way, but speaking as someone who has been through this (only very recently) I think you definitely did the right thing. There is nothing a person can do to make another quit using . It has to be a decision they choose to make on their own. We can try and try but it gets us nowhere. I think you made the best choice possible. There is no reason for you to be around this type of behaviour. Good luck! Perhaps this will be the kick in the butt he needs and it will make him realize once and for all just how much he stands to lose if he keeps up with these habits.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Feb 07
i am far too young to have to deal with this and it's too stressful for me. it hurt me bad and i cried a lot because of this. probably more than i've ever cried in my life. i hope he did realize that he lost something good (me) and will never be able to get me back. thanks for responding
@habichuelo (3101)
• United States
5 Feb 07
if you follow the instructions,,,you will be doing the right thing!!!!
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Feb 07
i will trust me. thanks for your help
@pal_eman (35)
17 Jan 07
the things is you did it so dont tinking so much about it is right or not just forget , and if love some one be sure he love u back ,and dont be sorry for one he is not sorry for him ,take care and the next time be sure who is the best for u
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jan 07
that's very true. i cant be sorry for someone who doesnt care about himself. next time i will wait and make sure the guy is the right one for me. thank you for responding.
@livvy092002 (1032)
• Philippines
17 Jan 07
I think you did the right thing.. i believe that by leaving him, you are still helping him. He needs to realize that because of his habit, he can loose you and other people who cares about him. Most of all, he needs to realize that because of his habit he can loose himself. The person who can really help him big is himself. If he accepts that he needed help to stop the habit and become really determined and willing enough to do the best he can to stop, then he can do so.. As for you, let God take care of everything you can't handle.. you'll be alright.:-)
• United States
18 Jan 07
i hope this is the best help he can get by my leaving him. i want to open his eyes and make him wake up to this. thanks for responding and all the encouragement.
@sbeauty (5869)
• United States
17 Jan 07
I think the right thing would be to give this guy the boot. You've paid your dues and tried to help, and apparently that isn't what he wants. Even though you love him, you'll be doing yourself a favor by breaking off with him and getting on with your life. You'll never make him change if he doesn't want to. Maybe if you break up he'll realize what he's lost and come around. You never know. As long as you continue to tolerate it, he'll keep doing it.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jan 07
yes i have paid for this over and over. i hope he opens his eyes to what he lost and what he had with me. i wont tolerate it anymore so maybe he'll straighten up. thanks for responding.
• India
17 Jan 07
I feel so sorry with you... I mean if this has been going for 30 years.. you must been very strong for a long time....I know its very easy for me to give an opinion but I would never be able to see myself in ur shoes... I can undertand the tough moments you have been through... wt I wish to say is that I that I feel you should have approached some NGO to help him out this addiction...s till do if u can
1 person likes this
@Pekachu (1112)
• United States
17 Jan 07
you did absolutely the right thing ,good for you
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jan 07
thank you for the encouragement.
• United States
17 Jan 07
This is a hard decision for anyone to have to make. I want to let you know that you did make the right move. If you have asked him to stop this many times and he still has not then he is only showing and telling you how important you are to him. You see, not very high on his list right now. This may be what he needs to open his eyes to things. If he changes then you may want to give him a chance again but it is only up to you. If he does not change then you know for sure that you made the right choice. I learned the hard way. My first husband had the same problem and I asked him many times to stop. He would not and I was not smart enough to leave. Our 4th year of marriage they did a bust on him. I lost my home, cars, and almost my child. You did great, keep your chin up.
• United States
26 Jan 07
your right. i know he has to truly change before i can take him back. it may take a while for him but i'll wait. that's what love is isnt' it.
• Philippines
19 Jan 07
I think that sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. What you did is not selfish because you are thinking of both your welfare. Stay strong. It's your boyfriend's turn to act, you've done your part.
• United States
20 Jan 07
i hope he also sees it this way. thank you for being supportive and for responding.