How to react?

@ghostbat (156)
Canada
January 20, 2007 5:12pm CST
Just yesterday, I was at a club with my friends and we were having the best time of our lives.But then, after the party we went to my house. That night my friend was very drunk, and he started spilling all of his secrets, and one of them was that he is a homosexual, everyone was looking at him as if we met him for the first time in our lives, then he fell asleep. We didn't know what to say. the next morning he woke up and acted as if nothing happened, but we were speechless, he asked us what was wrong and my idiot friend told him what happened. he almost cried in embarrassment. Now he doesn't have the courage to talk to us anymore. What should i do to make him come out of his shell? please help me with this one. Thanks.
17 people like this
75 responses
@lauriefnp (5112)
• United States
20 Jan 07
Wow, I guess that it's true when they say that people tend to speak what they really feel when they are drunk! You can help your friend by giving him a little bit of time and space to accept what has happened. Let's face it, he obviously did not want to tell his "buddies" this secret, especially not in this way. Sexuality is a very personal thing, and I'm sure that he is afraid that he has now lost his "best friends". After a little bit of time passes, contact him and talk with him openly and honestly. Be supportive of him and sensitive to his embarrassment. Don't approach him with your other friends, as this may make him feel uncomfortable. Try it one-on-one at first. He'll need a friend to confide in. Just be his friend. He's the same guy that you all had fun with the night before- just remember that.
@yorb24 (2180)
• United States
21 Jan 07
Wow what a dilemma there. Well the first thing I would do is give him a little space. He is probably in shock right now and as you mentioned embarrassed. He needs to let it sink in that he revealed who he really is. After some time, try to approach him slowly. Not to talk about what happened that night, but what you usually talk about with him. Ease into it. I'm sure eventually he will be ready to talk about it but don't push it and let him be the one to say something first. I'm sure it would be overwhelming if all of you all approached him asking him about it. Good luck.
@snow2007 (170)
• Canada
20 Jan 07
Just talk to him and say you'll still be his friend and you don't think less of him.
2 people like this
@cheenlly (3483)
• Philippines
21 Jan 07
give him space as for the moment as he still feel embarass. After he is ready to talk or perhaps you talk to him when you feel he is ok then tell him that nothing change that you accept him and nothing to worry about. Thats only if your sincere. Acceptance without judging him is the only way he can come out of his shell.
• United States
21 Jan 07
that is the worst opinion you could give him hun..right now HE DOES NOT WANT SPACE..he wants to know if his friends are there for him..he needs them now more than he has ever needed them..hes scared..embarrassed..hes goin insane,,he needs them for him right now..
• India
21 Jan 07
oh.........thts very bad...its a bad habbit to react to those sitautions wher we sould show maturity...this s hows tht ur friend is not mature enough.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
21 Jan 07
as of now pls. forget what he say just talk other topic and move. i think might work on
1 person likes this
• Philippines
21 Jan 07
If he really is your friend, don't make him feel inferior or that he has changed in your eyes. If it's ok with you, treat him like before, only that now you accept him for who he really is. After all, you are his friends. You are the only ones he can lean on to. Don't feel awkward if you hug him or do boys fooling around things. Make him feel accepted. And ask him if he wants others to know the real him or not. And maybe he is still on the verge of finding himself, help him. You are the only one he can count on. He is the one who needs help, not you. You are the ones to give that help.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jan 07
my opinion on what you should do - my opinion on what you should do

MY two cents. My opinion
The best thing I would do is just talk to him. He in his drunken state gave the wonderful new that he is gay. YOU all were shocked. Well He doesnt remember or maybe he does. Maybe just maybe this was the most at ease he could have been to tell you. And he was hoping to get some compassion from HIS FRIENDS. I would let him know that everything is ok. That he is a great friend and that you support him. IT is obvious that he is dying inside from not being able to be open with you all. Show some compassion. BUT that is just my 2 cents
1 person likes this
• Kenya
21 Jan 07
The only way you can help him is to talk to him and let him accept who he is.Other thing is also for you and your friends to accept him the way he is by doing so he will see that you have nothing against him for being homosexual.
1 person likes this
• India
21 Jan 07
hi frnd, me sandeep from india first u must talk to your friend realise him you do not hate him,you still love his friendship courage him to ccept wat he is you r accepetd him as a friend.let him be frank listen carefully his comment and respond very snsitively not to say any those word so that he may get herted. tell him there r many poeople in world who r diffrent in many ways but quite gud than other in many wys so that he can fell you comfertable .it is ovious it will take time but it will defenitly work believe me.
@abednego7 (1060)
• Philippines
21 Jan 07
Well it seems that you really a true friend to him. If that is the case and you feel there's nothing wrong with that then you can explain him that its not a big deal because you respect and treat him as a friend regardless of his gender. It takes time for him to build courage and admit it publicly but you can give your support by making him feel that everything is alright. Nowadays the issue within third gender is treated fair by most people as long as he respects himself and other people then he can be himself cause we all know its hard for him to be a closet queen forever.
• United States
21 Jan 07
So the rumors true, that you do lose control of what you say. Sorry for your friend. Before you do anything, you should do some thinking. Is he really your friend? Do you want him to feel comfortable around you? Do you accept he is homosexual? Does it bother you to be around him? After those is you answer these correctly then I'd confront your friend straight up. Make it so he can't leave. Just tell him " look I know your homosexual, and I've got no problems with that. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable, because I accept you for who you are. I don't want us not to be friends, just because we are differant."
1 person likes this
@kibito (183)
• Bulgaria
21 Jan 07
you have to tell him that there is no reason to be shame of this - he is human like everyone us. And you receive him like your friend no meaning he is liking girls or boys - he is your friend and you will support him in all cases ;)
1 person likes this
@tigrashadow (1086)
• Australia
20 Jan 07
after a night out on the drink, many people are embarrassed about what they did and want to just forget about it. in this case though, your friend would be afraid of what you all think of him now and was probably not ready to 'come out' and may also be afraid that you guys might tell his family or other people in his life. as the poster before me said, give him some time but also show that you are still there for him as a good friend and i hope that the rest of your friends there that night also feel the same. it may take him quite a while to be able to accept what he did and that his secret is out. but as laurie said, he is the same person that you knew before this unfortunate coming out. treat him as you always would have and be supportive of him as it is a very difficult thing to deal with because of the fact that so many in our society are still homophobic and narrow minded - unfortunately. if he is not talking to any of you or accepting any calls, i might suggest you write him a letter or email to say that you are still there for him as a friend and want to support him and nothing has changed in regards to your friendship (which i hope is the case) i hope that you manage to get him to talk soon as its a very lonely place without friends after exposing something that personal.
1 person likes this
• Ireland
20 Jan 07
In my opinion this depends on how you feel about the situation. If you are comfortable with the fact that your friend may be homosexual then you should explain this to your friend and talk openly with him about it. If you are not then you need to give yourself time to adjust. He is the same person after all and he is still the same friend that he was when you were at the club. Explain this to him. Being homosexual doesnt change him and it shouldnt make a difference. He was homosexual when you were at the club you just didnt know it. There is nothing to be ashamed of and if you agree with what i have said and feel comfortable with this then tell your friend. I hope this helps
1 person likes this
@cyntrow (8524)
• United States
22 Jan 07
He's the same person before that night that he was after that night. Nothing has changed, except maybe your feelings for him. If this is not the case, you need to reassure of this. A friend is a friend. Be a friend.
@shooie (4985)
• United States
21 Jan 07
Let him know you are still his friend no matter who he is and that it doesn't matter if he came out of the closet or not. I had a friend that came out and he lost a lot of friends but there were some of us that stood by him. Be there for him when he needs to talk.
• United States
21 Jan 07
If his homosexuality (I hope I spelled that right) doesn't bother you, he is still the same person he was before, and I don't understand why you couldn't still be friends. How do your other friends feel about this? But I think you should call or go see him and tell your friend how you feel about the revelation.
@shemb1 (465)
• Sri Lanka
21 Jan 07
I think the things had end now. yesterday things now cant change from you and you should have to more stronger in this case and just tell your friend "to forget it and make some movements from here". The truth is you or anyone cant change the past. And homosexual is not terrible bad thing, it happens because of your friend nature. so be good positive words.
• India
21 Jan 07
just go to him n tell him tat u still wanna be his frnd!!!!
@MrNiceGuy (4147)
• United States
21 Jan 07
That's really awkward. Thats why I don't drink that much, too much can be said. I don't think you should treat your friend any differently, but you definately need to talk to him about it. Figure out whats going on and why he hadn't told you. I think that if he is willing to talk, it would help smooth things out with everyone.