Friends...true or fraud?
By MissRissa74
@MissRissa74 (472)
United States
January 22, 2007 11:22am CST
Recently, I've been dealing with some issues and having a hard time figuring out who are my real friends. There's a couple that I'm certain about, 2 to be exact, but the rest of them are making me wonder. Some people just don't understand the full complexity of being a true friend. You can't just be a friend one day and then not even speak to your friend for weeks and still claim to be their best friend...can you? I don't see how that's possible, but I have certain "friends" who claim to love me to death, yet they can't even take one minute out of their day to pick up the phone and call or write an email. Let alone, return phone calls. I guess I'm just wondering what everyone else thinks about this. Would you consider someone who acts this way as a true friend or just a fraud?
10 people like this
73 responses
@livvy092002 (1032)
• Philippines
23 Jan 07
I agree with feenixxx. My bestfriends are those i wasn't able to see that much because of work but they are the ones who get out of their way even though how busy they are just to be with me when i needed help. When we see each other after a long time, it's like we only spoke a minute ago.. We make sure that we see each other and talk to each other regularly no matter how long have we not seen each other. I think these are true friends.. thru thick and thin, they are there for each other. Wishing, praying and really helping each other to become better in anything. True friends also value each other, their feelings, their opinions, their decisions. Acceptance is also one factor in bringing out true friendship.
@p8ntballr21 (857)
• United States
22 Jan 07
I fully agree with you. I have friends that I go on for a few months with out seeing them but when I need them, they are there on the moments notice.
The time spent together is just so great, can't be all the memories.
1 person likes this
@MissRissa74 (472)
• United States
22 Jan 07
I agree with the fact that it's quality, not quantity. However, when there's no time spent together, then it's hard to say that quality is better.
2 people like this
@samtaylorskykierajen (7977)
• Canada
22 Jan 07
Yes , I would still consider them a true friend . Sometimes schedules do not match and other times a person may truely just be too busy that day but as long as you always keep in touch , then you still care . My best friend moved away this summer and can't always call because of the long distance calls and we don't always get a chance to get on the internet to see how things are going but she is still my best friend .
4 people like this
@MissRissa74 (472)
• United States
22 Jan 07
That's the issue here...I do my part to keep in touch, but if I stopped trying, I would probably never hear from this "friend" again.
@patgalca (18181)
• Orangeville, Ontario
23 Jan 07
You know, I always sent birthday cards and anniversary cards to my siblings and their families but they never sent me cards or acknowledged my birthday. Did I write them off as family? Of course not. Now that we have internet it is a lot easier (and cheaper).
2 people like this
@blacknight000 (1397)
• Philippines
22 Jan 07
In our life, we cant avoid meeting fraud peoples!...It is part of our daily life to mee t different types of person!...It also happens in the friendship!...Some of your friends is true and some are fraud!...Try to know first the person before trusting her or him!...It's better to secure our secrets and other confidential things about us!...lolz
3 people like this
@MissRissa74 (472)
• United States
22 Jan 07
Granted, frauds are guaranteed to appear at some point in your life. However, I did take time to trust this person and things were great for a while, but then something happened and things haven't been the same since. I'm not sure what changed, but something did.
1 person likes this
@marief2rnurse (2704)
• United States
22 Jan 07
Try to borrow money from them. If they let you borrow then they are your real friends... hahaha seriously... with how life is like now and with our busy schedules it's really hard to find a loyal friend. Just because they're not always around makes them fraud. I have a close friend, sometimes we do things on a daily basis, sometimes she doesn't want to... sometimes I wonder if she enjoys being with me but heck, life is too short to be worrying about things like that. We all need the friends we have.
3 people like this
@MissRissa74 (472)
• United States
22 Jan 07
This person has kids and is a single mom, so borrowing money would be out. I've lent her money and it's been a long time and she still hasn't paid it back. It doesn't really bother me, since I know she's having a hard time, but still.
2 people like this
@dino1984 (30)
• Sri Lanka
23 Jan 07
Just think of what kind of a friend you are. How often do you think about your best friend? How often do you call them? This is because you want to know what's happening to them and to help them and to share in their ups and downs. In the same way if they are your friends they will be thinking the same way and will have an interest in your day to day matters. If not please recheck whether they are just name sake friends or genuine ones....
@kawillow74 (1416)
• United States
23 Jan 07
Well i do go days without talking to my friend I am married and have a family and that might make a difference. Just I just posted tonight I told my husband I am not saying nothing about anything anymore how do you know who your true friends are and he said the best thing ever he was. But there are just something you would rather tell a girlfriend then your husband, I am with you how do we know if they are true friend or not. Returning phone calls yes I believe if they where a good friend they would as far as not talking everyday people lifes are busy and sometimes they can't don't count them out.
2 people like this
@MissRissa74 (472)
• United States
24 Jan 07
I don't expect to hear from her everyday. I realize that we both have our own lives, kids, and men. We're both busy with that. However, I do feel that since she considers me her "best friend" and I consider her one of mine, that it would be nice to hear from her at least once every two weeks. Even if it's just for a sec to say hi and that she's alive! I also agree...my man is my best friend of all time, but there's some things that are easier to discuss with another woman!
@patgalca (18181)
• Orangeville, Ontario
23 Jan 07
I had a very good friend once who called me every day and talked on the phone with me for an hour every day. Actually, I had more than one friend that did that. I ended out getting so sick of them I actually avoided their phone calls. Why don't you just back off and wait until she calls you? If she never calls you again, then you will have your answer. But stop pushing and obsessing, you may be pushing her away. Just my two cents from my own experience.
@MissRissa74 (472)
• United States
24 Jan 07
I don't call her that often. I attempt to get ahold of her a couple times a week. I don't call every day or anything of the sort. We both have 3 children and I work, so I don't have time to sit and obsess. I just find it odd that she is never available these days, yet she can find the time to call if she needs something or has a question for me. That's all.
@smille (829)
• India
23 Jan 07
a friend in need is afriend indeed!!!!!tht one should remember always, its not possible for everybody to call or drop down to see u everyday, but still whenever u need ur friend he should be there, for me thts more important. whenever my friend needs me i will be always there for him, its said that u should always stand by ur friend in sorrow, if not in joy!! so dont be upset and understand what friendship is, its not just enjoying but caring.
3 people like this
@nw1911guy (1131)
• United States
23 Jan 07
Miss, if she's a single mother, I'd cut her some slack honestly. I've had friends that are single mothers and if I go a while without talking to them, they almost always track me down. Cut her some slack and be patient.
2 people like this
@MissRissa74 (472)
• United States
24 Jan 07
She is a single mother...and I realize she's busy. We used to be really close, but now, it seems as though our friendship has faded away. We rarely talk and when we do, it's because I call her to check on her and the kids. It's only a few times a month. It's just odd and that's why I asked for an opinion.
@dragonmojo (103)
• United States
23 Jan 07
I half jokingly tell people that I do not have friends. What I really meant is that I do not have any in the manner as defined by the TV series "Friends". I have posted a similar sentiment to my personal blogsite at www.dragonmojo.com/2007/01/whose-space.html#links. Here is an excerpt:
"...I use the term "friends" loosely to describe the many fine (and so-so) acquaintances that I have in my past and present life. True friendships are usually developed over time and with some nurturing, with maybe a few rare exceptions. It does not necessarily mean keeping constant company of others but you know it when you've attained it. Or maybe not.
In closing, Aristotle may have described this best: 'What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies'..."
@MissRissa74 (472)
• United States
24 Jan 07
I have 2 friends who I know that I can call day or night, other than family, and know that whatever the situation, they will be there for me. One is my fiance and the other is someone I've known for 12 years!
@survey_antony (219)
• India
23 Jan 07
First of all friendship is something without expectation. It is not that only if a person does something for you or pick your call means that they are your friends.A true friend will always be available for you when you are really in need. first analyse whether you have been there for your friends when they were in need of you. If you are then for sure your true friends will always be there for you even if you wanna be alone.
2 people like this
@katweena (84)
• Philippines
23 Jan 07
We should always keep in mind that even if our friends and us share the same interests, do the same things, and "think alike," our friends and us are not the same people. We cannot control them and mold them to be what we want them to be in the same manner that they cannot dictate to us what we should be. You can't expect them to "always be there." They have their own personal issues that they have to deal with and sometimes, their problems are more comlicated than ours. I guess that frinedship is just a matter of understanding. It's a give-and take relationship.
2 people like this
@patgalca (18181)
• Orangeville, Ontario
23 Jan 07
I agree with you. You can't expect them to always be there and you be their first priority. They do have other people in their lives who demand their attention. YOu said she is a single mother? I'm guessing she's got other things on her mind.
1 person likes this
@MissRissa74 (472)
• United States
24 Jan 07
Yes, she is a single mother. However, we used to talk all the time and now I'm lucky to hear from her once a month. Yet, if there's something she needs or has a question, she's quick to call or hit me up online. That's what made me wonder about it.
@fieryeyedwriter (614)
• United States
23 Jan 07
I am one of those friends who is horrible at returning phone calls... of course my schedule is hectic as can be! But that is really no excuse. However I say that if you are truly wondering about the status of your friendship you need to confront the person about it. Sometimes they don't realize that they are doing it; sometimes they do and they really are just a fraud! If you talk to them, and things still don't change, you have two choices... accept that that is how they are, or cut them off of your friendship list!!!!
2 people like this
@MissRissa74 (472)
• United States
23 Jan 07
Yeah, I've attempted to talk to this person. Everytime we talk, it's the same story, she's busy or has been sick and she's better now so she'll get caught back up. Then, a day or two later, it starts again. I'm just getting really fed up with all of it.
@madmax2crazy (1569)
• United States
22 Jan 07
You can't call them a fraud if they haven't done anything against you other than a little lack of contact. I have 2 friends I have heard from in half a year yet they're my best friends in life. I've known them since we was 9yrs old, they live in different cities and have full lives with wives and kids and such but just because we don't have alotta contact doesn't means the friendship isn't there, we email each other occasionally, visit and call maybe once a year. It's just the way it is sometimes, life happens...
2 people like this
@MissRissa74 (472)
• United States
23 Jan 07
Yes, but they live in another state, not a few blocks away. I guess I look at things differently than some people, but that's what makes people unique.
1 person likes this
@sumonm26bd (737)
• Bangladesh
23 Jan 07
Real friends are always true and a fraud can never be a friend.Be carefull when you take a new friend.
@MissRissa74 (472)
• United States
23 Jan 07
It's hard when someone is a really great friend at the beginning of the friendship. Then, she just started slacking off. I never hear from her anymore.
@serena007 (10)
• China
23 Jan 07
I dont think there are so many"true"friends in the world. Most of them are common friends. It's very hard to find a true one. Only when you are in trouble can you define a true friend. Is't it? Plus you should not request too much from your friends,just like you said they dont call you,i only wanna say one sentence: Have you thought of calling them first? So we should pay for each other.
@MissRissa74 (472)
• United States
24 Jan 07
Pay for each other? I have called her, many times. It's just hard to get ahold of her. I did manage to get ahold of her tonight though...yay!!!!!!!!!
@tttashish (39)
• India
23 Jan 07
to actually find a true friend you need to behave as a true friend also the responsibility is equal on both, so if there is any kind of ill feeling then there are chances that you might not enjoy the fun of having a actual true friend
2 people like this
@ms_fery (251)
• Philippines
23 Jan 07
there is always a reasong for that, maybe they're just busy, do not make this petty things ruin your friendship, sometimes i am very busy and i even not communicated with some of my friends but they understand, don't be so possive about their time always remember things is changing and who knows one day they will say sorry because they are busy, don't loose hope and trust to them.
@feeding11 (222)
• United States
23 Jan 07
They would be an extended friend to me. I have a couple of good friends, but my best friends are my mom and my sister. My mom always told me "friends come and go, family is forever" Sure I know a lot of people, but to confide anything that I really need trusted with or to know the truth are my mom and my sister only. I see a lot of gossip and ignore it.
2 people like this
@MissRissa74 (472)
• United States
24 Jan 07
Gossip is well-known in this day and age. I also only have 3 people, other than family, who I would consider my best friends. This person that I speak of just so happens to be one of the three. I did speak with her tonight though...yay!
