Do you trust your spouse?

@rlshaw (872)
United States
January 25, 2007 3:16pm CST
I have problems trusting my spouse. I think its unfair to him because the reason why I don't trust is because of past relationships. I have been lie to so many times. How do you get past that and be fair to the relationship your in now and not live in the past?
4 people like this
26 responses
@Netsbridge (3242)
• United States
25 Jan 07
This is so unfair to your husband. Why, by the way, did you marry him? I am of the opinion that marriage is supposed to be based on trust. Why marry someone you do not trust? I just do not understand! Anyway, you must find a way to resolve this situation: For instance, what made you decide to marry the guy, and work from there.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Jan 07
I fully agree with your statement. Why make such a commitment to someone if you don't trust them? If you aren't emotionally in a place where you can trust others, you aren't emotionally in a place where you should be signing a document saying you are legally bound to someone. You need to let go of past people who hurt you. If unwarranted lack of trust is evident to him, it will strain your relationship even more. I guess a better question is do you trust yourself in the decisions that you have made...
@bobilongo (264)
• Austria
26 Jan 07
Relationships are always base on trust for if you dont trust your spouse then things will not work out well,we must also try to forget the past and move on with our life very important.we still have to discover more and to do this we need a cool head...
• Romania
9 Feb 07
i dont have problems trusting my spouse...i have problems like him not trust me....
• United States
7 Feb 07
I have the same problem as you have. And what I told my husband is that MY trust issues, have NOTHING to do with you. It is a self-defense mechanism that I use to protect my heart. I told him that I cannot trust ANYONE 100%, but of everyone in the world, I trust him the most, 99.9%. But I need to save that .1%, "just in case". This was also do to a past relationship, and I explained that it has nothing to do with him at all. It's not something you "get" past. It's something you both accept and move on.
@lsen06 (5000)
• India
7 Feb 07
i always trust on my spouse.
@nicu1985 (587)
• Romania
29 Jan 07
Just be careful and don't stress him with questions about the past relations. Men don't like to talk about their past. If someoane reminds them about a girl in the past they get angry. There are cases in which they maintain relations with ex-girlfriends from the past. I think it's not too hard for a women to know if her spouse have an affair with another woman. A lot of women told me that they have the 6th sense, they simply know when someoane cheat on them.
@aroraasr (428)
• India
29 Jan 07
Well I trust my husband very much and he also trusts me. I would suggest you to live in present and not in past as it might happen that your spouse may have changed now. Give him a chance.
@zack_3004 (1207)
• Malaysia
27 Jan 07
yes. i trust her.
• United States
26 Jan 07
I have trouble with trusting men. Too many times I have been burned. I am able to trust to a certain extent, but not 100%. I have no idea how to get past this. My guess is that I never will be able to fully trust any man.
@icequeen (2841)
• Canada
26 Jan 07
I know what you mean. However...I think that you just have to let them do what they are going to do..and hope that they love you enough to not get into certain situtions. I know it is hard. I have been in a relationship for 14 years now and still I sometimes have doubts...but you have to live your life too. I hope you can give him more freedom..and trust more...good luck
• United States
26 Jan 07
I have been cheated on so many times it isn't funny!! I do trust my current boyfriend because everyone gets a clean slate with me. I realize that he is NOT any of the other guys, and that I should not assume he will act like them. I do keep my eyes open, but if he has done nothing to deserve me being suspicious, then I do not act that way. If your spouse has done nothing wrong, then you should not be suspicious
@Ravenladyj (22936)
• United States
26 Jan 07
I do trust my husband very much BUT at the same time I dont....and this is very hard to explain...I trust him in the sense that I know he loves us (myself and the kids), I know he'd never do anything to hurt us mentally, physically or emotionally and so on BUT because of my history in life overall right from childhood I dont fully trust ANYONE including him and he knows but he knows why and he does his best to work with me on it so as not to set me off...I psychologically cant trust ppl I'm unable to fully trust anyone because of the damage that was done to me growing up and pretty much all my life though admittedly its not nearly as bad as it was 10 yrs ago by any means.....I do what I can to remember its an illogical and paranoid part of my brain if that makes sense but it still exists..... My suggestion rlshaw is to talk to your spouse about it..let him know how you feel and work together on it..it can make all the difference in the world if he is aware and is willing to work with you...but I'd also make sure that he knows its not HIM, its the past that haunts you and you are working on it but he needs to be patient and understanding in the process ya know....
@TiffanieC (827)
• United States
26 Jan 07
That is a hard one but I do understand. Trust takes time.. is there anything your spouse is doing that makes you not trust? If not, give the benefit of the doubt and if you have doubts.. do what you have to do to find out if you are right.
• United States
26 Jan 07
I have had bad relationships in the past as well. I didn't trust my husband when we first got together. Neither did he trust me. I told him that if I wanted someone else, I would tell him and I wanted him to do the same. Communication is a very important part. After a while, you develop trust. A person has to earn trust, it's not automatically given.
@072006 (1279)
• India
26 Jan 07
Yep!!..i do trust my partner a lot!!...in fact i feel trust , faith are the most imporatant things for every realtionship to make it stronger, then nomaater its husband wife realtion, brother sister, or parebts children. Its all about trust to bind all in one chain. Morever i must say, how two people can stay together if tehy dont trust each other at all, how can tehy live under one roof. Most important thing is how long that realtion ship will last. So why i feel , if ypu dont trust your spouse , just have talk together, just try to convey and bulid realtionship in new manner,let have new begining!!! Best Luck
• United States
26 Jan 07
I think that once you have been lied to and cheated on in a relationship, it is hard to trust anyone after that. I am like you. I do not completely trust my spouse because of past relationships. Also, at one point in our relationship, he was doing things behind my back that I found out about. This was awhile ago, and he has been really good to me for the past 5 years, but there is always that little doubt in the back of my mind. I know I will never trust him 100%, or any man for that matter.
• United States
26 Jan 07
I believe that it can be hard not to live in the past, especially when you've had some bad experiences. Its hard to put it behind you but just try to keep in your mind that your spouse hasn't given you any reason to distrust him (hopefully) and its never fair to hold other's mistakes against him. That being said, I know from experience that its incredibly hard. Try your best to make peace within yourself and find closure, you'll be much happier :) Best of luck to you!
@7nicole1 (1634)
• Canada
26 Jan 07
Ya most of the time I trust my girlfriend but there are times she makes me wonder if something is going on but I have told her if I ever find out Ill do the same only 3 times worst. I know that does'nt fix anything but at least she knows what Ill do if she ever gets the chance to cheat on me.
• India
26 Jan 07
Well I think you got a major problem in your's hand. If there is lack of trust in a married relationship then its like living in hell. Whatever happened in past cant have a bearing in present and one should not rock their future because of some thing one has experienced in past. There is only one way to bury the past and that is to speak it out, and what better person can be to hear you out than your's husband. Do tell him about your's problem and I am sure he will be understanding it and counsel you.
@maribel1218 (3085)
• Philippines
26 Jan 07
hi rishaw! I trust my husband with my whole life. As the saying goes LOVE DOES NOT KEEP THE RECORD OF WRONG and that is the very thing I made in able to trust him that much and let our married life a healthy one. He had also a history of telling me lies before we get married and when he asked for forgiveness I see the sincerity in his eyes and that's how I started to live on loving him and trusting him and for now we are happily married for 12 years. cheers to us and welcome to MyLot!