Cheating- How do you trust your next relationship once you've been cheated on?

United States
February 1, 2007 3:17pm CST
I have been cheated on before and it hurt me badly. When we were together my family kept tellimg me something was wrong but I was so caught up I didn't listen. One time when I was gone he stayed at my house and my little sister went through his phone and read text messages between him and another girl, then she picked up the phone un the house in the middle of the night and listened to him talking to another female. She tried to call me and tell me but I didn't believe her. Then when we were at six flags he would always wonder off with this boy who lived with us and come to find out he was with him and 2 other girls hanging out. The thing that really did me in is this girl called me and said that he had told her that he was staying at his cousins house-(Which was mine)- and he asked her to come over because he was lonely he took her in my room and F*cked her. When I confronted him about it he told me that that girl was insane I ws like if shes insane how does she know what my room looks like? -Well that was the end of that. Now I'm engaged to the father of my child I have a problem with always thinking he's cheating on me. I know he's faithful and never has cheated on me, but its like I always think in the back of my mind maybe he's messin around on me. Another thing that helps me think those thoughts is his brother is a straight up cheater, so I know that if my fiance was to mess around on me his brother wouldn't tell me. I want to be able to listen to what my fiance tells me that he loves me way too much to do that to me, to take a chance of loosing me and his son. How do I put the painful past behiind me and trust what he tells me? I don't want to mess up my relationship now because of what someone else did to me in the past.
4 responses
@xelissa (776)
• New Zealand
4 Feb 07
Sure its something thats happened in the past, don't let it be in the way of what could be an amazing relationship, if you still have doubts, maybe you're not ready for one
@stailgate (2363)
• United States
1 Feb 07
I am so sorry that you are going threw this but I do know how you feel. You are never going to forget the pain that you felt when you were hurt, and you will always wonder, and second guess what others are doing. But don't let it ruin what wonderful thing you have now. It you are looking for a cheater, that is all you will see. No one deserves to be hurt like this, because the hurt last so much longer then the moment that it happends. But be strong, and use your love for your partner as a stregnth to get passed this. Just keep open with your husband, and if he is doing something that is making you question him, question him, if he has nothing to hide his answers will come smooth. I think every women is born with the intuision of protecting herself after being hurt. Your heart will tell you if something is wrong. I know that you were blind the first time, but obviously he was no good for you and something much better was waiting for you to become available:) and look how happy you are. Everything happends for a reason.
• United States
1 Feb 07
You simply just *have* to trust that person. Just because one person cheated on you doesn't mean the next person will. It's hard, but you can't go on worrying about that in every relationship.
@Anakata2007 (1787)
• Canada
1 Feb 07
I'm sorry for what happenned to you. It WILL affect you in a next relationship. It will be hard to trust again. You have to consciously try to avoid making your new man pay for the crimes of the person who cheated. However, your trust will never be the same. Choose carefully who you will trust, and when a relationship is new, tell the person what you have gone through, and tell them you may have a bit of trouble trusting. Don't tell them this on the first date though. Wait a few weeks or months.