How do you handle jealousy?

@SexyMhei (153)
Philippines
February 9, 2007 1:12am CST
I am a posessive person, not on my material things but with the people I love, whether it is my better half, family, and even friends. I have the tendency to be over jealous and I hate sharing their attention with others, may it be someone close to me too. Am I too selfish? Sometimes I think maybe that's because of inseurity, from where this insecurity comes from, I don't have an idea either. I hope I'm not confusing you. I'm well aware that I'm not pretty in the sense of the word. I do have brains but not a genius either. But I know I'm doing more than just fine. I am also assured that my husband loves me so much, and so does my family, but why are there times that I really feel jealous when their attention is drawn away from me? Is there something wrong with me? Am I being selfish and irrational? Does anyone else experience such things?
2 people like this
3 responses
@Anakata2007 (1787)
• Canada
10 Feb 07
Well I experience that too, and I think it's because of plain old insecurity and not feeling good enough. I'v been trying to work on this by reading self help books and seeing a counselor but for some reason the one thing that I can't seem to rid myself of is my jealousy toward other women, in fact it gets worse the older I get. I'm alsways so worried my husband will leave me for someone else. I compare myself constantly with other women and it hurts so much. As for friends and family, I'm able to release the feelings of jealousy all the time now and I think it's because of all the work I'v done on myself.
@resasour (378)
• United States
10 Feb 07
Anakata be careful. Life has a way of giving us all that we fear. You ever hear of DR. Phil? He says we create what we fear. So if your fear of him leaving you for another woman is that bad, then you will inadvertently drive him to do just that. I think that fear stems from a self-esteem issue. i hope that your working on yourself is also working on your self esteem. If he did not find value in you he would not be there. Don't drive him away by subconsciously taking away that value.. Good Luck and keep working on yourself. You are worth it! And he will be glad you did! :)
@resasour (378)
• United States
10 Feb 07
It is selfish of you to demand attention. It is selfish of you to resent others getting attention. It could be insecurity.. But you do know why you are insecure. You just gotta be real with yourself. It comes from somewhere. I think you should try volunteering somewhere. Work with those less fortunate than you and you will begin to see yourself differently. Work with babies and you will feel value.. insecurity usually comes from not feeling valued. Go back over your life..be honest with yourself about it.. at some point something happened.. Chances are its the own negativity in your own head that says those silent negative words that keeps feeding the insecurity. Dr. Phil wrote a book called Relationship rescue. I think you should read it. Sometimes the only relationship you gotta rescue is the one with yourself. This is a great book and you will learn much about yourself from it. You can buy it on Amazon way cheaper than on Dr. Phil's website..but it is absolutely a good read.. and do the workbook that goes with it.. it puts a perspective pn your life that you probably never realized was even there. I hope this helps you... Good Luck
@SexyMhei (153)
• Philippines
14 Feb 07
Thanks Resasour, that was enlightening. Actually, there were instances that I asked myself if I am self-sabotaging myself because of reasons I myself seem don't comprehend. There were times in my life that I did drove former relations away, and jobs which i seem to lost in a way that I predicted it will happen. Maybe I do need to deal with my inner self. I'll look for that book.Thanks again.
@janmar (115)
• United States
11 Feb 07
I think everyone has moments like this. Just most of us don't dwell on them, nor let them move us to action. It is fine to feel whatever you want to feel, no one can or should judge you for your feelings. It is actions that count. Don't act on your jealousy by lashing out or otherwise causing stress to your relationships. Ask yourself why you are feeling this way and be honest with yourself. It sounds like you want all of their love for yourself. That isn't fair to them or to yourself. Imagine the tables turned. Remember, if you let your jealousy put people against the wall, they will go the direction you least want.