My 18 months old boy still sleeps with us sometimes

Denmark
February 10, 2007 7:26am CST
I would like to know if there are other mums here who still sleep with their babies from time to time, or all the time. My husband works at night and I feel more safe if my son is in the same room as me, he has his bed next to mine, but many times he would wake up and just crawl to sleep next to me. Sometimes I wish I had given him his private space and put it in his room, but most of the time I just enjoy it so much to have him around, and just watch him sleep... I know however that this will have to stop soon, and I do not want to create any problems of insecurity on his side (i.e being afraid of the dark) so I was wondering how other parents did the transition.
7 people like this
34 responses
@qouniq (1968)
• Malaysia
10 Feb 07
It's normal thing in my country,..most of our mums here will keep the baby to sleep near them until the baby reach 5 years old even. It's not the security matter to sleep with their baby but most of mum don't want the baby to wake up at midnight and cry. When the baby sleep near them, it is easy for them to manage anything which might happen during night.
2 people like this
• Denmark
11 Feb 07
That is also why I had my baby with me in the first place, I nursed him until he was almost a year old, so it was really easier for me just to have him in the same room, and after the first time he would wake up to get his melk, he would stay together with me. After that I did not feel like putting him in his own room because my husband is not home at night and I feel he is more safe with me. How does it go in your country if the mum has more than one child, does she have them all together with her until they are 5 ? Thanks for sharing a bit of your culture, I find that really great!
• Philippines
11 Feb 07
When I become a mother, I would want my kids to sleep with me and my husband since I know that once they grow old, it will be impossible to do that. That is perfectly normal and I admire parents who do that.There are so many things that could teach a child about independence other than letting them sleep alone.
2 people like this
@kakuemmom (862)
• Canada
11 Feb 07
I see nothing wrong with it all my children have slept in my bed at one time or another. right now my husband works nights so i always have the bed to myself and my youngest who is 4 knows this. She still gets up at night now she just climbs into my bed and cuddles i don't mind in fact i like it. My other two are way past this stage 16 and 13 so i will enjoy it for as long as it will last.
2 people like this
• United States
11 Feb 07
I am not a parent, however, I hope to be one day. I believe that it would be best if your child had his own room. I have an uncle, who is away from his family, seasonally, depending on his job, and she (my aunt) had three little boys. She always liked them to sleep with her, when their dad was away. She had a little girl recently, so I guess she is the only one that sleeps with the parents now, (however, I don't really suggest that you get pregnant again, lol). What happened, was that the boys started to sense the need that their mother had for them (her insecurity, or fear, whichever, when he was not there), and so, they have begun to worry about her a lot, and are very overprotective. That is not such a bad thing, in general, but it is like a big responsibility that they shoulder (her well-being, that is), and they are soooo young. They were worried about her even when they were barely out of the diapers. What I have learned though, is that once the boys slowly grew older and started getting their own space, they have become very protective of their "zones." I would like to add, don't you need your privacy sometimes? I would feel as though I am drowning, if I could not get a break from my little ones (no matter how cute and adorable they are), when we had company a while back, I couldn't wait to get some alone time, by myself and just with my hubby...sometimes, I would just take an extra long shower, just to be alone.
• United States
11 Feb 07
when my son was born, we decided to have a family bed and he slept with us. We both loved it so much for the same reasons as you stated...just watching him sleep, feeling him breathe...you feel so much more at peace with him right there beside you. I always thought if someone broke in or if there was a fire, could I get to him in time. My daughter came along when he was 2 and she hated sleeping with us. That was a good thing since 4 people in a bed is a tight squeeze! LOL Her crib is in our bedroom, though. Partly because of the security thing, but also because of the room issue. Now, my son is 5 and he just started going to bed in his own bed. But, he still always gets up around 3 or 4 am and gets in bed with me. My husband travels with work so he's hardly ever home. I don't mind him coming to bed with me. I just started introducing his bed to him around a year ago and he eventually started going to bed by himself. I turn on some music for him and he goes to sleep. My personal feelings is that I am the one who made my son want to sleep with me and let him sleep with me for so long, that it's not fair to just up and MAKE him go to his own bed when I decide I've had enough. ya know? It's going to be traumatic for your son to have to go to his own bed. Some kids may take to it easier, but it's still traumatic. I would just go slow. I introduced my son to a bed for naps and reading time and all at about 4 1/2 years old...after about 6 months, I told him he was 5 now so he needed to go to sleep in his own bed. After a few days, he did and he slept in there until the middle of the night. I am not too worried about him getting up and coming to bed with me at 3 or 4am. Doesn't really bother me. I want him to know that I am always there for him. Like I said, my only advice to you is to take it slow and introduce the bed to him slowly. Make it fun. Let him pick out his own bedding. GOOD LUCK! :)
1 person likes this
• Denmark
11 Feb 07
I have the exact same problem, I feel that I am the one who wants him next to me, especially when he was so little, and it was of course because I loved to be so close to him but also much easier for nursing (=my own comfort then) I also feel now that I cannot just put him in his own room because it's been too long that he sleeps with me or because my friends have their kids sleeping in their own rooms since they were more or less born. I also thought may be I should get him a little boy bed to make the change more interesting for him. Thanks for your good advice and for sharing your experience
1 person likes this
• Philippines
10 Feb 07
i am a father and i believe parents should keep children warm in their early years by sleeping in the same bed, or room. my wife and i sleep with our 22-month old daughter in-between and it's normal to us. we enjoy it. the elder ones just grew too big to still sleep beside us and had to eventually force to sleep in another bed.
1 person likes this
• Denmark
11 Feb 07
It is nice to read a Dad's advice too. My husband does not really seem to be bothered, when I talk about putting our son in his own room he agrees too but it is not like he would push for it to happen either, so I guess he is happy to have him around as well ;)
• United States
10 Feb 07
I see absolutley no problem with him sleeping in a family bed as long as it is still working for both of you. I think my son was 21 months or so when he transitioned. Like you my husband worked most nights so it was just the 2 of us. He was ready though and went to sleep faster on his own and also stayed asleep longer. I was the one that had a hard time :P ! I only transitioned because I could tell he was ready (not wanting to go to sleep with me there and stirring more often at night.) You need to do what works for the both of you, but as a pp said it is quite normal in other cultures so I wouldn't worry about scaring him. Just listen to yourself and pay attention to any cues he may be giving you. Hope that helps!
1 person likes this
• Denmark
11 Feb 07
I am glad to read that other mums with husbands who work at night have the same feeling towards their child. I think I may be a little bit like you, perhaps I should wait some time and see if my son wants to become more indepedant, I will keep looking after the signs. Thanks for the advice
@ibuuti (10)
• Austria
10 Feb 07
Do you know what, we (I+ my husband) still sleeping with our 5 and 3 years old boys, until now. (we have 4 beds in our large bedroom) Not because we have no room for them, but because it is normal by my custom, we read alot of information from all over the world, about this theme, and decided that this is the best one for the children. Our 5 years old boy already has his own bedroom. He sleps there for day sleeping / after kindergarten. Night, he still with us. Next year, when our second boy 4 years old, we will give him his own bedroom. Then he too will be sleep by himself. First will be only during the day. And then step-by step also by night. I think the decision can be vary, depends on the situation of the parents/children, the situation of the rooms (far or not from parent's room, etc.) and family's value. I know alot of people who sleeping separate from their child, right away after the birth and I know alot of people who still sleeping with the children until 6 years old. And nobody can say that the children from the first family group will be more independent compare to the children from the second family group. Anyhow, the bigger they are, especially if the children already go to school and have their own friend, they will not want to sleep with us anymore.
• Denmark
11 Feb 07
Thanks for sharing your experience, may I ask how it went when you got the second baby, was your first boy already in his own bed, or did you have to make the transition then? My husband and I want at some point have another baby too, and this is also pushing me into having our first son sleeping in his own room. I am just also worried that if there was another baby and he would still sleep with me, I would then create some big issues by having to make the transition at that time.
@wdiong (1817)
• Singapore
10 Feb 07
I still have to lie down beside my son (21 mths old) before he drops off to sleep , but that's on his own bed. There are times when he wakes up in the night and comes into my room. Sometimes, I'll carry him back to his room, other times, if I'm very tired I'll just let him climb up to my bed. As much as I enjoy having him around, I think he should learn to sleep on his own bed. I did not have much problem with the transition and he's not in the least afraid of the dark :)
• Denmark
11 Feb 07
I wish it would be as easy for me to make the transition too. How did you know your son was ready and how did you proceed? At the moment my son still have a baby bed, should I change that maybe that would make him want to sleep in it? Thank you for your advice
@Lindalinda (4112)
• Canada
10 Feb 07
It has been a long time since I had to deal with this but when our children started to crawl into bed with us on a regular basis we would remove them, bring them back to their own room and stroke their backs gently until they were asleep again. We also put night lights in their room and left the doors open. I don't know what the right age for this is, 18 months is pretty young still but if it becomes a regular habit it is hard to break. One of my cousins is a single mother and her 8 year old son comes to her bed every night. When she is confronted with this she says "The family that sleeps together stays together" I think she is doing serious phsycological damage to the boy. How will he relate to women, once he grows up?
• Denmark
11 Feb 07
That is also what I am afraid of. I am not sure if I am helping him becoming a more secure and confident person by giving him so much care and attention. I want him to feel safe, and I want myself to feel safe, that is why I never put him in his own room, only for napping during the day, when I am awake and can watch him all the time.
@isasice (2015)
• Iceland
10 Feb 07
I need to clean my eyeglasses lol, when I first read this, I thought you were talking about an 18 year old, not an 18 month old lol. I was ready to say something not so very nice. 18 month old. Perfectly natural in my opinion and I don't care what the specialists say, I don't believe it's bad for the children to sleep in their parents bed once in a while. My so is 11 and he still asks to sleep in my bed occasionally. I think now he's getting too old for that but I think I was about his age when I would sneak into my parents bed when I woke up in the middle of the night. I think it would be good for your baby to have his own space also, but an occational night in your bed should be ok too. I would think that only brings parents and baby closer together.
1 person likes this
• Denmark
11 Feb 07
I never had the chance to get into my parents bed when I was a child, may be that is why I fear giving an end it with my son. I want to try giving him his own space, but I am really afraid this will make him feel rejected and make me feel more guilty than just taking him with me...
11 Feb 07
I think you should decide a cut off date at say maybe 24months and now try to down-scale the amount of time he does spend in your bed. I would suggest a gentle persuasion for him to sleep in his own room, maybe for his nap in an afternoon to get him used to sleeping in there and then gradually build up to full independent sleep. I do understand you wanting to be close and im not saying thats wrong at all! But you do have to start integrating him into the way things have to be in the future. Good luck with that and I hope you can cope! M17
1 person likes this
@akotalagato (1335)
• Philippines
11 Feb 07
my son - my two year old son
my two-year-old son still sleeps with us. i'm not worried about it. he is doesnt show any signs of insecurity. in fact he is quite independent. he loves playing with other children even if i am not nearby. he is not afraid of the dark either. he is strong willed and has a very dominant personality. i dont think that you should be worried either. him sleeping beside you will give him a sense of security at home that he will carry outside the home when he grows older. if he still wants to sleep beside you, just let him. time will come when you will hardly see him home. so just enjoy it.
@davaoguy (319)
• United States
11 Feb 07
There is nothing wrong having your baby around. But, you should train him to try to sleep in his own room later on. You would not like your child to still sleep with you until he's twelve years old right? Having his own room would eventually lead him to take on independence and responsibilities in the future.
• Belgium
11 Feb 07
Perfectly natural. I slept in my parents bed until I was 4 years old (on occasion)
1 person likes this
@Karinne (1223)
• Australia
11 Feb 07
Hi there TheKristoffersens I still sleep with my little girl she turns 6 in august this year. I too find it enjoyable to have her close to me and we both wouldn't want it any other way. She has her own room set up and when the time comes she will go in there when she is ready. Its also handy when she has woken up at night crying of growing pains or not had a bad dream and i can cuddle her back to sleep. If at any stage he gets scared of the dark - just get a little night light so he can see where he is going in the room if he wakes up.
1 person likes this
@kaydee10 (268)
• Philippines
11 Feb 07
Well our son still sleeps with us...its just that i'm comfortable to see him as he sleeps but his dad says that he should go to his room that we renovated a few months ago...But maybe this month i will be able to make him stay in his room...*sigh*
1 person likes this
• Australia
11 Feb 07
my son is almost 3 and still sleeps in my room, like you I do wish I had put him in his own room as a baby because now he is scared to sleep alone. As a child I remember being petrified of sleeping on my own so I did not want to put my son through the same thing
1 person likes this
@awaare (3)
• United States
11 Feb 07
I am A father and my son is 22 month old,he wakes up every night arount 3:00 am crying so he can sleep with us,and i don't think there is any thing wrong with it
1 person likes this
@vojd16 (6)
• United States
11 Feb 07
Our 2 y.o. old daughter still sleeps with us 70% of the time. Even if she goes to the bed by herself, she comes in the middle of night to us (she is not afraid of darkness). Sometimes it is just nice to have her around at night as a compensation for not having her enough during workdays.
1 person likes this