Who's to BLAME?

United States
February 12, 2007 1:06am CST
Some people just cannot accept the blame. And they spend their entire life blaming everyone else for everything that went wrong in their life. They make the people around them feel guilty for things that they have and say that it's not their fault that all those terrible things happened, or that they are failing in life, because of such and such (or so and so). I always TRY to accept the blame for the things that I do, because if you don't, then it will never get you anywhere. There are times, when I do not, for my own personal well-being, but other than that, there is no sense in blaming everyone and everything around you for the things that you have perpetrated. It just does not help. Do you know people like that, or are you like that? How do you feel about this issue. Is there a middle ground, or should we just let everything rest on only one pair of shoulders?
8 people like this
29 responses
@sigma77 (5385)
• United States
12 Feb 07
This is an excellent topic. Blaming others is the reason that many people do not have happier of more fulfilling lives. In fact, this is an epidemic in this country, that of blaming others. You, on an individual level, will change nothing in your life by blaming others. It is only through self-responsibility that one can begin to change from within. NO ONE can make you feel guily. If you feel gilty, it is because you have chosen to feel that way. You are the only one who has control of your feelings, that is unless you allow others to take control. Then, you are like a broken branch twisting in the wind. I sometime would blame others and circumstances for things that happened in my life. But not anymore. I fully accept responsibility for my actions and no longer blame others. By taking control of my own inner feelings, it is easy to live healthier and happier and at peace. If I have wronged someone, I own up to it. If my problems become overwhelming, then I look inward to find the strength to overcome them, learn something from them and carry on. Believe me, I have had severe problems and difficulties in much of my life. Nothing physical or abusive. But I am fully aware of how I have brought on my own troubles and I am completely resigned to creating a happier and wholesome life. There is no middle ground. That will keep you from fully accepting responsibility and from growing and learning from mistakes. Everywhere you look, many talk of middle ground and compromise. Those compromises lead to an unhappy life because you often give up what you truly want and therefore compromise your chances of true happiness. Compromise is fine for everyday events, like sharing the cost of lunch with a friend, but it is not practical when it comes to your dreams and wants. When it comes to principles, feelings, beliefs, and well-being, do not settle for compromise. Go after and hold firm to your inner ideals. It is when you can stand tall and accept responsibility, that you find the truth about yourself. And knowing that truth is your key to overcoming any failures in life.
@sigma77 (5385)
• United States
13 Feb 07
Your thinking will take you far. It took many years for me to understand the true meaning of responsibility.
@SpitFire179 (2536)
• Canada
12 Feb 07
As far as i'm concerned, as long as your not a child when it's happening, it takes 2 to mess things up in a dual situation. And in a lot of cases, you mess up your life, it's your fault, not anyone elses. If your married and it's a marital situation, it takes 2... That's the way i see it. I do make excuses sometimes, i guess it's a built in thing for me, but one thing i always say is that I Make MY decisions, For ME, because i am myself, and no one can change that. I deal with what i have done, Fix the mistakes i have made, and move on from there. There have been times yes that i have blamed others, but i think i've only done it for good reason. I have a temper, I am very opinionated, and that's me, but i will always stand up and fix what i messed up... Great discussion, i think that's something that most people should think over. your right, there is no sense, because one way or another you either fix it or you don't... that's the way it goes. Inevidably it's all on you unless you have someone who loves you enough to be there for you... It's nice to have someone sometimes.. Think before you do things, that's a good one to go by. Great Post Peace and Love
• United States
12 Feb 07
Thanks, and I agree with you. I also tend to stand up for myself when I have to. And, when two people make a mistake, their in it together, accomplices, so yes, they should (both) share the blame. Sometimes, I wish that I could have fixed all the mistakes I have made, but when you move on, and come to terms with things, they eventually right themselves.
2 people like this
@pilbara (1436)
• Australia
12 Feb 07
I agree with you. I know some people who never take responsibility for anything. It is always the fault of circumstances or og someone else. They try and worm their way out of everything, but usually are very quick to point the finger if someone else does something wrong. If I do something I'll take responsibility for it and treat it as a lesson to be learned. Of course it's not always a nice sensation, but better than being a whinger.
• United States
12 Feb 07
Yes, you are correct. They are very quick to point the finger at someone else, and sometimes, it is easier just to take the blame for them, so they stop and leave us alone.
1 person likes this
@cicci8331 (178)
• Pakistan
12 Feb 07
i agree with you,people should do self criticism before we blaming other.i can not lay blame on any one person or organization but i do agree that people need to take more responsibility for their own life,people always look for somebody else to blame when they should suck it up and realize that they need to take responsibility for their choies.
• United States
13 Feb 07
I didnt realize my mother also had approval addiction problem till I was reading my book. I am assuming that is why she loves to make me and my sister feel guilty ALL THE TIME! She will constantly make us feel guilty, blame us for stuff NOT our fault. Does she take the blame? No! She makes us feel like we should! I in turn try to not do that. I hope I dont do it at all or not much at all.
• United States
13 Feb 07
Yes, I hope that you and your sister can form a kind of "sarcastic pact" that will help you to not take her seriously and let her upset you both when she does that. Because, she is your mother after all, and you will see a lot of her in your life. So, whenever she gets started, all you have to do, is commiserate with your sister, and be like,"Here she goes again." Once, your mother realizes that you have stopped letting it get to you, and the her ploys for sympathy and power don't work, she will probably stop.
• United States
13 Feb 07
I know people who are like this and it makes me mad when they can actually sit their and blame other people especially their mothers on how their life has turned out and that their life is messed up i believe that you choose the way you live your life and people should not be blaming other people if their life is bad.i believe in taking responcibility for yourself and dont blame other people especially where other people have no control on how your life turns out.
• United States
13 Feb 07
Yes, that is what I also believe. It is frustrating having to deal with those kind of people. And sometimes, they are the ones that bring us down the most. So, it is best just to keep thinking positive, and not let them make our lives miserable.
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
12 Feb 07
This is called being responsible for your actions, and I agree with you a lot of people can not or do not accept responsibility for their own actions. I am not sure what the reasoning behind it is no one is perfect and every one makes mistakes, and are not thought any less of. In fact admitting ones mistakes is admired a lot more than someone who plays the blame game. I simply tell people that I am not responsible for their actions and will not allow any one to lay a guilt trip on me. This usually stops them in their tracks and I may or may not be minus a person in the circle I am standing in. But I will not put up with it any more. As a child I took the blame for everything, as well as the punishment, grew up thinking that I was a rotten person for having been punished so much, as you can see this is a self feeding problem. The way to stop it stop taking the blame when you are mot responsible. Thank you
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Feb 07
Yes, I did also take the blame for a lot of things as a child, and, I believe that learning where blame really lies, is what makes us better people. We have learned to blame those whose fault it really is, and to accept blame when it is ours. Thus, becoming more human and true.
• United States
12 Feb 07
i agree wholehearted if you do something be big enough to admit to it! i wonder when George Bush is going to own up to lying to the country to promotr his personal agenda in Iraq?
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Feb 07
probably never...because now, all they can say is that there was errors in their reports and mistakes...not that they purposely ignored the realities to suit their own personal agenda.
@shywolf (4519)
• United States
12 Feb 07
Valleygirl, I try to take the blame when I know that something is truly my own fault. I am also quick to say sorry. My mother is one of those who hardly ever admits that she's done anything wrong. She will blame everything on everyone else around her, and especially on my father, which is hard on him and sometimes it just about drives both him and I nuts when she has one of her worst days. But I do love her very much. She's my mother, after all. Still, she can be very hard to live with. It's hard to be around someone who almost never says sorry and thinks that everyone else is to blame for whatever goes wrong.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Feb 07
Yes, it can be. I find that there are people like that around me also, and there are days when they really just bring me down. I wish that someone would shake them and tell them to "get a grip" and to make them see that they are to blame for those things around them, and that there is really no use making everyone else miserable because they live in denial. As long as you and your father continue to support each other, and commiserate, you can pretty much handle the stress that she heaps upon you...sometimes, I do lose my patience with those people in my life, and really, it was a long time coming.
1 person likes this
@simplysue (631)
• United States
12 Feb 07
Whenever someone blames me for something, I have to look at the situation and decide if I did indeed play a part in it. At times, I did do something wrong and will do what I can to make it right. Other times, I've done nothing wrong and therefore can't accept responsibility for fixing a the situation as it isn't mine to fix. I'm hoping that this is making sense to you. This is how I find my middle ground. I do know a lot of people who don't take resposibility for their own situation. The only thing I can do for or with these certain people is to be honest in a respectful way and hope that they "get it". Sometimes they catch my point sometimes it goes right over their head as they have selective hearing or don't want to admit they have a part in the situation at hand. It's like trying to navigate a minefield dealing with that type of personality.
1 person likes this
• Bermuda
12 Feb 07
I am the blame for everything all the time for things i didnt do,...but thats kife i guess!
1 person likes this
@catali0n (162)
• Niue
12 Feb 07
blame smth that nobody loves. always left behind, never actualy acnoleged!
@aidonia (4209)
• Greece
12 Feb 07
Oh!Now you touch a sensitive point of mine. I’m from the people that always accept the blame for my own wrong actions. And when need I ask sorry without any problem, but............exactly because I do this I don't like at all people they blame for everything anyone else. Those persons can make me very angry. Is easy you make mistakes at your life but please don't blame others for these.
1 person likes this
@mbarryton (1872)
• United States
12 Feb 07
i think everyone should take blame for their actions its only right. i myself take the blame on anything ive done for the fact of knowing how i would feel if soemone else got into trouble for something i did. my ex on the other hand, to hear him tell it, hes NEVER done ANYTHING wrong but everyone around him has that was 1 big reason for our down fall. i cant stand people that always thinks they never do anything wrong. i mean we are all human and we ALL make mistakes we just need to learn how to fess up to them
1 person likes this
@sylviekitty (2083)
• United States
12 Feb 07
We all have to own up to our mistakes. We all make choices, good or bad. We all have to suffer the consequences, like it or not.
• Philippines
12 Feb 07
I believe we are all guilty in this area maybe less than others but I'm pretty sure we did it before. I guess its a matter sometimes of Pride and Denial. Accepting that we made a mistake is tough. By accepting we also accept that we are flawed. We try to escape responsibilities as a thing of instinct. I salute those who never blamed anyone for anything, but I have before and im afraid il be doing it again. Its human nature and it always takes a lot of courage to accept mistakes. I also think this is proportional to ones experience in life. People who usually are right are the most common ones to blame others however for those who have endured a lot are those who grow.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
12 Feb 07
blaming people just wouldn't solve anything at all. but at least if you accept the blame even though your not to be blame i guess its okay for the problem to be solved at all..
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
13 Feb 07
You are so right.Yes I know someone like that,my ex husband.He cheated on me twice that i know of,and I left him,we had been married a lot of years.When i left him he went around crying on everybodys shoulders ,saying he just did not understand why.. What a crock! he knew why, but he was not willing to take any blame..he was never really kind to me,but i loved him and I never felt he would cheat,but he did...He blamed me for breaking up a good marriage...Im sure he is still doing it to this day..
• United States
13 Feb 07
He seems exactly like that type, and even though it is all his fault, that the relationship did not last, he is still trying to get the sympathy and support of others, because he does not accept blame nor responsibilty. It is a good thing that you are free of him. I tend to think of his type of personality as a leech or parasite...they can only make you sicker, the longer they are around you. Good riddance, and good luck.
@shmeedia (1044)
• Canada
17 Feb 07
i hate being blamed for stuff which is definitely not my fault. sometimes in a 2-way argument, it's hard to tell who's at fault. but other times it is very obvious who's fault it ISN'T. my ex was someone who blamed everyone for his own problems or insecurities. because i was his partner, i guess i saw the worst of it. i'm not saying he blamed me for not changing his bedsheets, or putting spoiled milk in his coffee, here ;) a bit of background on us. we were both working in the same field. around the time i'd met him, i was planning to quit because it was just a very bad field. poorly paid, abuse to employees, etc. i was open with him about my feelings. i had been in the industry for 6 years, plus i had studied in it for 4 or 5. he had studied for 6 months and worked in it for a year, so he was still new to it all. eventually i quit, and he continued to pursue it, but got more and more disgruntled every time a company refused to hire him, or laid him off. there was an instance where i refered him to a job which was supposed to hire me. he went to the interview and freaked everybody out, spewing irrelevant stuff about another staff member they'd hired (not me haha), that he was a bad person, that he owed him money, how he cheated through school, etc. the outcome: not only he was not hired, they ended up not hiring me either because it put them in a tough decision-making situation. i later spoke with the hiring team (who were long-time acquaintances) and they explained their uneasiness about my boyfriend. so they could not hire either of us. i was a bit angry, but since i was planning to quit the field, it wasn't such a big deal. i knew it was my bf's fault neither of us were hired, but i didn't tell him. when we were breaking up, some time later, he blamed me for possibly ruining his career. i said if anything it was the other way around but that i would never have blamed him. it was one incident. but for him, he repeated 'i'm not saying you caused me to fail in this business, but i think MAYBE it was your fault'. ?!?!?! oh, and he blamed me for causing 9-11 (he was THAT crazy).
• China
13 Feb 07
oh I have made the similar undergo ,I have a roommate who complain everyday about almost everything , in her eyesight ,there is no seaside only sand .She try to make everything perfect but in the end just made them worst . Sometime just do what you think right .