who is right? help needed?
@indiandevil (2410)
Canada
February 12, 2007 9:08pm CST
back in november i took my son and fled a abusive relationship. this man physically, mentally and emotionally abused me. he would call me ugly, fat, and stupid on a daily basis as well as some ver nasty names. when on very few occassion he was home he would stand beside me like a drill sargant and make me clean stuff over and over until it was to his likeing. if anyone called the house for me he would demand me to tell him who it was and talk over the people on the phone until i gave him a answer if it was important like a doctors office he would make so much noise on purpose making me miss half of what they said then he would rip the phone out of my hands. he spent money we didnt have on drugs and when i got angry about it i got a ashtray thrown at my face giving me a permenent scar above my left eye... our son was under two before i left and his father would leave things down and crack him hard for it...he also would not alway my son to goo or ga he said it was annoying and up until after i left him... my son wasn't saying hardly anything... my son feared his father because right up till after christmas my son was afraid of any man including my dad his grandfather who loves him to death...my ex used to chase my son around the house with a rc car till the child ran into my arms shaking and bawling. my son recently turned two, we have been parted from my ex for 4 months now not once has he asked for his dad if he picks up a picture of him he throws it and makes a face... we dont talk bad about his father in front of him... so i know its his own behavior.
my ex and his mother say the abuse is my fault because i wouldnt do what he told be too. Say he had no choice to hit me because i wouldnt listen to my man. said the baby couldnt talk because i was to lazy to teach him and claimed i acted like i didnt care and called me unfit taking him from his father. i was shocked, i left my son is his fathers care 2 times once he threatened to throw hm off a bridge another he left himon the floor unatended at 8 months old and went to sleep. he has gone to sleep cooking before threatens suicide and his contstantly threatening if i ever left him he would kill my son....when i was with this man he had no intrest in our son he was out from 11 am to 3 or 4 am everyday but now he wants his son...
so are they right am i a bad mom from taking my son out of that or am i doing what a judge would class as the right thing because i want to go for full custody no access i dont think he deserves my son and i think my son is better off with out him
5 people like this
8 responses
@XxAngelxX (2830)
• Canada
13 Feb 07
You absolutely did the right thing in getting your son AND YOURSELF out of that situation. That is no way for anyone to grow up. There is never any excuse for calling someone names or striking them, and there is never any excuse for child abuse. Both you and your son deserve so much more than this. Never let anyone tell you it was your fault, you are a person too and you don't have to do things to your husband's liking. If he didn't like the way you did it, then he should have done it himself. It takes a lot of courage to get out of that type of situation, KUDOS TO YOU!!!! Be proud that you stood up for you and your son and never think it was your fault.
3 people like this
@clownfish (3272)
• United States
13 Feb 07
Hi! This is no-brainer. YOU are right. All your ex and his mother are telling you are excuses. There are NO excuses for his behavior - they were wrong. He is abusive and there is no explaining that away. You did NOTHING to cause it. You did nothing wrong, he is an abusive monster who doesn't deserve you or his son. Now, you must know that if your ex abused you, he WILL abuse your son. You have every right to keep your son away from him. If your ex wanted a wife and child, he would have treated you like he loved and wanted you both in the first place. So, don't feel guilty and move on with your life! You are doing the best thing you can do - getting away from that abusive horror of a human being. Stay away from him - and keep your son away from him, too.
BTW, your ex's mother was probably treated the way you were and bought into all the excuses, so that's probably why she thinks she can excuse her son's behavior.
((hugs)) and best to you and your little son, sweetie! :-)
2 people like this
@indiandevil (2410)
• Canada
13 May 07
Thanks, back in march I nearly feed into his lies and went back, but I grew a back bone and refused then things went on and well, he tried to ruin my life, but a friend of mine came to my rescue and he stopped since he is terrifed of this friend. Now he keeps negging my aunt, who does not like him even a little bit. About my son and I.
He keeps giving her this bullshit story that Legal aid will not help him start a custudy suit, until he has my address. We are not that stupid I had filed for legal aid. (still waiting for the lawyer big waiting list) and did not know his whereabouts and they helped me.
He only wants my address, to a hurt me, because he has threatened, and or take my son. He also claims he still loves me, but then tells my aunt there are people out to get me, and when they do he will sit back and laugh. Nice guy huh? anyway.
1 person likes this
@Savvynlady (3684)
• United States
31 Oct 07
I am sorry, but if you are asking us if you did the right thing, then I know you are beat down emotionally. Know why? been there and done that, and to this day I won't accept no b.s. off of no man behind it. Back to you, YES, YOU WAS RIGHT TO LEAVE!! you ain't his child, you ain't his maid, you ain't no slave, you was his lady, and he treated you like dirt, and I don't care if he is the father, he has NO right to see his son, but then, that's my opinion. That kind of stuff he did just wasn't right, and he is manipulative, and crazy to boot. However, sister, please, take the time and get over this situation, and don't let it(hard as it may be)shadow the other things in your life. Move on, and please, you are not alone. peace to you because you need it.
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
17 May 07
You did the right thing by taking yourself and your son out of that situation. No judge in his right mind will give him custody. I hope you have police reports or at the least hospital reports to corroborate your side of this, so you have concrete proof that he is so abusive, this will help prevent any chances of him getting custody or visitation wihtout supervision. I wish you the best of luck and it is a relief to know you are out of that situation and safe.
@indiandevil (2410)
• Canada
17 May 07
Thank you, that means alot, and oh yes theres lots of police records, Hospital records, and reports that were put into CPS Reguarding how safe we were in Insaintjohn's home.
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
31 Oct 07
You are so in the right. His mom was probably abused and her father likely abused her mother so she thinks thats how things should be. My husband was thrown against walls even as a baby. He was beaten too. His father tried to kill him many times and finally succeeded when he was around seven - he drowned him in the ocean. He was resuccitated of course. His mother finally left - she'd been afraid to live as his father was a cop. Or the military equivelent. She would lie to doctors and say he had seizures.
So you were right to leave, your son - and you - may not have survived. Congratulations for having the strength of mind to leave. ITs just as scary to leave as it is to stay sometimes. Good luck. I wish you safety from harm.
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
31 Oct 07
I just saw you posted this nine months ago - what has happened since.
@urbandekay (18278)
•
7 Jun 07
First of all relax, you are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars, you have a perfect right to be here. Not only were you right to remove yourself and your son, it was your duty. Had you not done so you would have failed in your duty. Well done. I don't know your circumstances well enough but from what you have said it seems you should fight to retain custody of your son but perhaps your husband should be granted some access provided and only if sufficient safeguards are in place
all the best urban
@desimanero (419)
• United States
31 Oct 07
Obviously this man is psyco to find you on here.I see he commented you.I think you did the right thing.Im in the exact same position as you are right now.My son i s2 going on 3.I left his dad back in march.He abused me in evryway you can think of.He went to jail and just recently got out and hes back to stalking me.I have a restraining order but he doesnt care.I took my son from him and his mom for the same exact reason you did.Matter fact i disappeared from his whole family cuz theyre all a bunch of NUTS!!!Dont worry you and the decision you made was okay.Im also going to court for full custody.I want the courts to take all legal bonds away from him and my child.Considering he threatened to start our son on fire if i left him.
