Leaving Your Old Parents to Homes For the Aged: How justified?

Philippines
February 15, 2007 4:49am CST
If I am going to have a family and children of my own, I would want my kids to take care of me when I am old, just like how I take care of them when they are still babies, incapable of living in this world all alone without me. I know that many parents would want their children to take care of them when they grow old, very old. I mean old parents would want to spend the numbered days of their lives with their children, not with some strangers in a secluded home for the aged. I know of some people who have parents in a home for the aged, and they have their own reasons for sending their old wrinkled, forgetful moms and dads in this kind of institution. I respect that. Will you send your parents to a Home for the Aged if they grow old?
14 people like this
59 responses
@weemam (13377)
15 Feb 07
My parents are old they are 88 and 89 , They both have Alzheimer's and still live it their own home , I go every day and either just visit or we go for a drive or go for groceries , I take it day by day and we have laughs and as much fun as we can , I also have 2 married sons and 4 grandchildren , a disabled son and a hubby with heart problems , I try not to think too far into the future because none of us now what to expect . but we are not all in the same position and sometimes the old people need more care than we can possibly give them xx
15 Feb 07
I think I would let my parents decide what they wanted. I know my mum would like to live with me, but I think my Dad would want his independence. I think the ideal for me would be for them to have a granny flat so I would still have my independence but they wouldn't be far away.
3 people like this
• Philippines
15 Feb 07
letting your parents decide whether they want to stay in a home for the aged or stay with their children is a good idea. thank you for that michelledarcy.
2 people like this
@cuterat (296)
• India
15 Feb 07
I am from India and here parents are considered equivalent to god.It is really bad to sent parents to old age homes when they grow old.Our parents have taken care of us since our birth,provided everything.So at one stage of life when they need our help, sending them to old age homes is very cruel.In the old age they need the support of their children and should not be dumped somewhere.It is a very cruel deed to them.
@cheerldr (594)
• Philippines
15 Feb 07
It isn't fair. Our parents took care of us since we were born in this world, so why send them to nursing homes when they're old? It's our turn to take good care of them.
2 people like this
• United States
16 Feb 07
I agree. When the time comes, I want to pay my parents back for the love and commitment they so willingly gave to me :)
@byfaithonly (10716)
• United States
15 Feb 07
Nope, I used to work at a retirement home and there is no way I would send my parents there - and it was one of the nicest in our area. I've already talked to my Mom and promised her I would take care of her no matter what. I also told my step-father the same thing and he thanked me.
• Philippines
15 Feb 07
that's nice to hear byfaithonly. im glad you really want to take care of your mom and even your step father. i will do the same for my parents too. i love them so much and i will be there during these times when they really need me.
1 person likes this
@Tejido (13)
• Philippines
16 Feb 07
I look up to you on what you said..Hope theres a lot of us like you.. Parents are second of God for without them were nothing in one way or the other. It's only right to take care of them when they are not able!!! LOve you all parents!!! Two thumps up to you by byfaithonly!!! Jen
@suedarr (2382)
• Canada
15 Feb 07
I think it depends on the care an elderly parent needs. Some people require specialised medical care that their children cannot provide. If an elderly person is relatively healthy or can be reasonably cared for and they want to, then yes, I would say being at home with loving family members would be the ideal. Cheers!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
16 Feb 07
yes i agree suedarr. sometimes the elderly may need special attention especially medical attention which we cannot give to them at home.
• India
15 Feb 07
Hi cuddleme I am frankly speaking i really feel angry over these children for whom it is very easy to forget what their parents did for them and feel sorry for their parents. The best way to tackle these type of people is that parents should keep their savings with them and not give it to their children while they are still alive and secondly these foolish children should be shown how much pain is experienced by a mother to give birth to a young one ang she instantly forgets the pain seeing the face of her child and the pains taken by them to bring them up so that they can stand on their own feet. It's very frustrating to see that it is becoming very common now a days and I promise not to do the same as I really love my parents dearly. hope this would be a good sounding message to people who have already committed such mistake to make up their mistake and bring back their parents back home.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
16 Feb 07
thank you for that vikash. i can see from the way you speak that you are indeed a grateful child to your parents. i wont send my parents to home for the aged either. i will take care of them till their last breath. but i do acknowledge that there are instances when the needed special care and attention of our elderly parents can only be given inside special institutions. As when the parents are sickly and the children are financially incapable of sending hiring nurses or care givers or personal doctors. But then as much as possible, i believe that it is our moral obligation to take care of our old parents. thank you for responding vikash. you get a positive rating to help you increase your star rating. take care always. :)
@cherriemae (3374)
• Philippines
16 Feb 07
Here in the Philippines, some of us do not send elders to a Home for the Aged. it's in our blood that older parents should be take good care by their children even though they have their own family. Me, myself wanted to stay my parents in our home instead sending them to a Home for the Aged because we wanted them to spend time with their grand children. Because i believe that having their grandchildren with them will make them happy and strong.
1 person likes this
@XxAngelxX (2831)
• Canada
15 Feb 07
If it gets to the point that I am incapable of taking care of my mom then I will send her to a home where I know she will have top of the line care. A friend of mine sent her mom-in-law to a home a few years ago, as it just got to be impossible to take care of her. She was a bad diabetic who also suffered from Alzheimer's. She would turn the stove on and just forget she had done it, she would take her insulin and then insist she hadn't or vice versa and it just got to the point, my friend and her husband weren't able to do it anymore. It's a twenty-four hour job at that point and some of us aren't able to deal with that. I hope my mom will never have to go to a home, however if I'm not able to care for her myself then I want to know she will be somewhere with the best care available to her.
1 person likes this
• India
15 Feb 07
Well if u Ask me it to Early if u r planning About Family. As Time Changes the Man,Many People Think they Have the Power to Do AnyThing,that They Want to. But Time is The Power That Changes EveryThing. So Use u r Time and Be Kind and Gentle to u r Parents and u r Childrens in the Future as Have u r Part of the Time.
1 person likes this
@syimiaoa1 (199)
• China
16 Feb 07
I won't send my parents to a Home for the aged,they will feel lonely without me,Mom and Dad love me so much that they also won't like to go there to spend their life.I will try to buy a big house and live with my parents when i get married,I want let they know that how much i love them.
• Philippines
16 Feb 07
that is nice of to hear. like you i want my mom and dad to live with me a big house together with my family of my own. taking care of them when they are old cannot repay all that they have done in order to raise me to what i am now. thank you for responding syimiaoal.
@lauriefnp (5112)
• United States
21 Feb 07
I would do whatever it took to keep my parents in the home that they have lived in together for over 52 years, even if I had to move in with them or hire help for them. I would never place either one of my parents in a nursing home unless they were mentally incapacitated and their safety at home was compromised. I feel that they have done so much for me, not just when I was a helpless baby buy all throughout my life, that I would never be able to turn by back on them at any time. I know how much they mean to each other and how much they love their home.
@fox123 (285)
• Philippines
18 Feb 07
i dont think i will turnover my parents for the home for the aged for that matter..actually theyre gone already..and its my 2 sisters whos been takng care of them when theyre still alive,, my two sisters have not yet got a family of their own..
@jennybianca (12913)
• Australia
17 Feb 07
I hate to say this, but I will probably have to help my parents to make the decision to go into a Nursing Home. Both will will end up long lived, but with Medical problems & disabilities that will be too difficult for me to cope with at home. I admire anyone can can have their aged parent at home until the end.. One of my best friends has her Mum living with them, kind of in an Independent attached Unit.They were in a position to be able to afford this. But I know it causes some stress with my friends 18 year old step son. My parents are usually looking for a Retirement Village, a very "in" concept in Adelaide. They are expensive though. Councils have more and more options to the aged stay in their own home. I looked after my dieing husband for 12 months (with 2 year old),and managed to keep him at home until the final 3 weeks. I was 37. I don't want to do this again, I just can't.
@Gwapako_28 (2142)
• Philippines
17 Feb 07
2005 when i have my OJT(on job training) in home for the aged for my caregiver course!Day by day, i interviewed old people man and woman their everytime i take care of them!I found out that they are not a good parents for their childrens.And i realized that,its true, WHEN YOU PLANT LOVE, THEN YOU WILL REAP LOVE!I have a very loving parents, so there is no reason that i will send them to home for the aged.I want to take care of them!We their childrens!Until their last breath!
@cripfemme (7713)
• United States
17 Feb 07
I won't help my mom or step dad myself, but instead I will teach them to train and manage their own personal care assistants as I do eveyday to survive as a disabled person. I definately won't leave them in a nursing home, however. I object to them and advocate against them!
@anup12 (4180)
• India
17 Feb 07
First of all I must congratulate you for an excellent discussion that you ahev given us.Really it is very heart-breaking to see that older people are treated like this.Thye deserve love,care and all the good things that we can give them possibly.
@Neo_Knights (1887)
• Indonesia
17 Feb 07
My parents were willing to go to the home for the aged, but since my father passed away, my mom never talk about that. She's lonely I guess, so I stay with her now. Well I think about that too. I think it's now our turn to serve our parents for they have taking care us from a baby to adult. When they old now and forgetful, it's our turn to understand and give our best for their happiness.
• United States
16 Feb 07
There are a lot of reasons that some people do that. It may be that they need more help, then the children can provide for them. It may be that they didn't have a good relationship with their parents. They may just not want the responsability. I personally, would never do it. But, if I could not provide the care they needed, then I would have to be forced to think about it.
@Bangalorean (1282)
• India
16 Feb 07
Thatz not fair. When you were a child they were adults and took care of you, they did not think of putting you in orphanages.Now they are child-like and you are adults so you got to take care of them. It is a role-reversal now. So when thye have played their role well, why cant you? It gets on my nervous, when i hear of oldage homes