Some Women Shouldnt have kids.
By minerc
@minerc (1373)
United States
February 17, 2007 9:31am CST
My sister is having a really hard time dealing with her oldest son's girlfriend. The girlfriend just had a baby with my sisters son, and she has a 3 year old by someone else. She don't take care of the baby or the 3 year old as well as she should. It's my sisters first grand baby and she is so upset. My sister has to tell the mother everything to do and the mother doesnt do it my sister ends up having to take the child over night's to make sure the baby is taken care of. She just had to take it to the doctor for an ear infection because the mom wouldnt do it. When my sister told her the baby needed to go to the doctor she said ok and it wasnt until a few days later my sister got so mad and told her she was taking off work to take the baby and the mom said ok its like she didnt care my sister paid for everything and the mom didnt care. It's hard to advise my sister how to handle this situation she is so stressed and I don't know how to help her. Does anyone have any suggestions?
The 3 year old don't get supper cooked at all she eats junk food for supper. She don't give either child a bath at night or even in the morning. The 3 year old will get a bath about once a week. The babies diapers are changed and just thrown on the floor or left in the crib. She is always leaving the kids at the babysitters house who is my sister's friend. The mom is always trying to dump the kids off with someone she don't care who it is. When you try to talk to her she says ok but she dont do anything to change her behavior. It's like it's no big deal. How do you handle people like this?
When my sister talks to her son, he say's he is happy and that she is just the type of person you have to tell what to do and stay on her aboout it. That really hard to do to someone you really don't know.
10 people like this
25 responses
@charitymvula (489)
•
17 Feb 07
you know what this is exactly what social services are there for!!! You wil have to talk to your sister, ask her if she is willing to take the child on full time! if she is or if she owud rather the child be away form it's mother in care, then she should get a social worker on the case, they will remove this child form it's mother - I know it sounds terrible to seperate a mother fomr the baby but she isn't doing anything for this child's good!!! I am a social work student so I have seen some cases but not even as bad as this where children are removed from their parents!!! Difficult decisions need to be made, but what ever the outcome, it wil be int he best interest of the child. Maybe somehting you could try is having the mother move in withy our sister, if that is possible and maybe with te support of your sister she could come around....maybe she needs counselling, she may still be suffering form pots natal depression....she may never have come to terms with it after the first child and now it has intensified, maybe she just needs parent training because she may not have the skills for oarenting these children, maybe she never had a chance ot see someone take care of a child as she was growing up so she may just be clueless!!! I hope that helps, these children should not suffere anymore, neither should your sister!!!! good luck.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
18 Feb 07
When I was 17 I had a child and was coerced into marrying the father by my own father...The baby was a month old when we married and had been in hospital all that time. I was in a home for unmarried mothers. I was so naive and my life had always been to do as I was told. I was not allowed to think or have an opinion. My husband was conscripted and went away to boot camp. I first stayed with my mil and of course I had no idea how to take care of a baby. She resented me and made me feel small and talked about me behind my back. It was she who encouraged the marriage so she could have her grandchild home (her first). She pushed me into finding a flat and I was on my own. I did my best and was not as bad as the lady in the story, I did laundry (not very well) and we had proper meals for me and feeds for the baby (who was sick and needed a special type of food)No-one came near me - not my Mum or big sister who lived close or my mil...she did not visit me once while we lived in that flat. We had hardly any clothes, I had a couple of dresses, the baby had nappies and singlets and nighties and bunny rugs. I struggled but I didn't have a clue so it really didn't matter.
The mother of this baby needs a firm hand to tell her what to do because she doesn't have a clue. And she does NOT want her children. The situation can only improve with the removal of both children - unfortunately it's probably illegal to have here sterilised but that's what should happen.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (157552)
• United States
17 Feb 07
Sounds like son or no son, this is a case for child protective services, or whatever it is called where you live. It might be possible for your sister to become a foster parent for them, but that is a lot of work. I know her heart would ache for the baby to go to someone else for care. It just needs to be done legally so that her backside is covered and so that she can get a medical card for the baby or add it to her work insurance. I also am aware that this would probably ruin her relationship with her son. He does not seem to be doing anything to make it better, though.
1 person likes this
@pebbles_cubbie (3789)
• United States
18 Feb 07
i agree with you completely. i knew a lady and she had 3 kids. she gave the 1 kid up for adoption and while she had her other 2 kids she didn't want them. she also gave them up for adoption. it's sad. how can you not want your baby? how can anyone not take care of their child? i feel for your sister because she's basically the mother. if she's not careful she will have to raise it herself. that girl needs a wake up call big time. how can you not take a baby to the doctor? she makes me so mad. the mom sounds like she is lazy when it comes to the kids and she don't care if your sister pays everything becasue she wants everything handed to her. if i were your sister i would turn that girl in to child services and take the baby from her. but i would take the baby myself so that your sister will know the baby is in good hands. how can the son be so happy with this girl? diapers everywhere, no bath for the kids, junk food to eat, doesn't take the kids to the doctor. there is no way in the world he can be happy. i hope your sister gets this taken care of so she won't have to worry about the baby or her son. take care and good luck with that girl.
1 person likes this
@superchook (1786)
• Australia
18 Feb 07
That is a really hard situation, but I think your sister needs to call social services. It is for the children's sake. I can understand how hard that would be for your sister to do, but I feel that it would be the right thing to do.
The other thing she could maybe consider doing is, telling the parents that she can't have anything to do with them at the moment because she can't stand to see the grandchildren suffering anymore. I don't think this would be the best way of going about it because it won't be helping the children still. Also if she rang a social worker, the parents won't know who has said anything.
It sounds like your sister son is making excuses, you shouldn't have to tell a mother what she has to do to look after her children, she should know the basics. To me, and I might be wrong but I think she is just lazy and she doesn't care of the wellbeing of her children.
It is sad when parents are like this, I can't understand how any parent can be like this. Why have children if you are not going to be a responsible parent.
1 person likes this
@noyida (795)
• Singapore
18 Feb 07
What your sister should do is to get both her son and his girlfriend to sit and talk on the arrangement for their kids. It seems that the girl is not interested in handling her own child or just couldn't be bother. It best to talk to both parent at one time. Try to rational things with them on their responsibilities. Give them sometime to absorb on the discussion and change. If still fails, perhaps can ask them to let your sister have the custody of the child if she can afford to financially as it not cheap to raise a child nowadays. One more alternative, get both of them to go for counselling. If everything else fail, the last thing to do is report her son girlfriend to the social service, let her learn her lesson the hard way with her don't care attitude.
1 person likes this
@lpetges (3036)
• United States
18 Feb 07
that story just kills me to think that poor child has a bad life, and has not really begun it yet. your right some people should just not be parents. unfortunaltely, its the only thing in life you don't need training for, or a degree, or even a brain. And you don't get paid for it either! It is sad that some people don't realize the gift they have been given. you only have it for so little time, and then they grow up and leave, and hopefully you have a good relationship, ties that will keep you together. How sad for this woman-she needs some proper parenting help!!!
@WebMann (4731)
• Canada
18 Feb 07
I certainly agree that some women should not have kids. I know a few personally and I feel bad for their children.
The only thing I can think of is to call child services and ask them what you can do to help.
@sizzle3000 (3036)
• United States
19 Feb 07
I am sorry to say that if you have talked to your son and explained to him what you see and doesn't do anything you have to back off. Your son must grow up and take care of his business. I know it sound terrible but as long as your sister is doing all this for that baby the mother will never step up. The other thing is if her son thinks this behavior is good for his son then he needs to just live with his desision. It is called tuff love. The other thing that she can do if she backs off and nothing impoves in the care of this child and her son is not willing to do what needs to be done. She can talk to a lawyer to see what her rights are as the grandmom. I have heard of cases where grandparents have taken children away from their children. This is a very hard call but if her son and this girl do not grow up they will ruin not only their lives but both of these childrens lives. Good luck.
@michelledarcy (5220)
•
19 Feb 07
Have you thought that her attitude might be because she is suffereing from post natal depression? Perhaps she could ask her son to talk to her about that and see if the health visitor could help her through it.
@jsae29 (1120)
• Philippines
18 Feb 07
I believe so...that there are some women who are not fit to be mothers. They hate doing house chores, moreso taking care of the kids. They just can get the idea of what motherhood is all about. I also met someone who is like that, she is my brother's live in partner.....she is so irresponsible. I'm glad my brother realized this early on and got rid of the girl. He wanted to dump the girl long time ago but he feared that she might take the baby away from us but guess what...the girl...with no qualms...left the baby to our care and she just left. She never phone or wrote us a letter to know how's her son doin....nothing...! But we're really happy that she decided to leave the baby to us.....she's a no good mom. So my advice if for you to ask your sister to talk to her son...again....and again....and try enlighten his son about the situation. Make him realize that he's living with a good for nothing *&$#@!
@essilem (286)
• Philippines
18 Feb 07
This so sad. The child is the one taking the heap from a very irresposible adult. I suggest you ask your sister to talk to her son and tell him the situation, maybe he too is still living in a dreamland and still not ready to face adulthood. She can ask her son if she could have sole custody of her grandchild for the welfare of the child. I ma sure your sisters heart is always brocken seeing the way her grandson is being treated. You could also seel help from social service people int he area so they could also have a say on this, if th child can be given to a better home if the mother cannot provide it.
@annie2478 (47)
• United States
18 Feb 07
This woman should not have children. I would suggest call you local social services to report her. Because stupid and dangerous behavior like her's can kill those children which is sad to say innocent victims of her neglect.Let's hope for the best and hope she cleans up that dangerous behavior.
@nishanity (1650)
• India
18 Feb 07
my goodness!!!
are u serious?
this lady isnt fit to be a mom! how old is she?
what ur freind can do is try to adopt her grandchild..i dont think its birth mom would even care about it!
go about the legal way and try to get the child and then to hell witht the birth mom!
@jbones32103 (717)
• United States
18 Feb 07
Maybe she needs to be threatened with being reported to the department of child services or needs to be order by a judge to take parenting classes.
@mamajena (122)
• United States
18 Feb 07
I agree with you that some women should not have children. It sounds to me like she is young and inexperienced and that in time she might learn to take care of the kids with the mother in laws help. If I were your sister I would confront her head on about the situation and tell her straight up either you take care of these kids the right way or I am going to turn you into social services. Social services can make it mandatory that she attend parenting classes before her children will be returned to her. I know this seems harsh but the children are the ones that are going to suffer if no one steps up and protects them. If your sister wants to remain anonoymous with social services she can do that and the Mother will never be told who the call came from. Even if she does give her name to social services they have a privacy policy that prevents them from telling the mom who called. ABove all make sure those children are taken care of or your sister will be nothing more than an accessory to child endangerment.
@carlaabt (3504)
• United States
18 Feb 07
So where does your nephew fit into this story? I see a lot of bashing of his girlfriend, but he's a parent as well. He should be taking care of their child. He could have just as easily taken the baby to the doctor as his girlfriend could. And he could just as easily change diapers and clean up the room.
How old are your nephew and his girlfriend? Some people become parents too early. They don't really know what to do. Someone needs to help them out and help them understand why it's important for them to do certain things for babies and children. Yelling at them and getting on their case is not the way to do it.
The mom is at least feeding the children. You say the 3 year old eats a lot of junk food. That's probably what her mom is eating, too and she doesn't even realize that her toddler needs more nutritious stuff. And there is nothing wrong with leaving your children at a babysitter's house. I've known people that leave their kids home by themselves when they are only 4 or 5. At least she is being responsible enough to make sure her kids are taken care of.
What's wrong with your sister helping out anyway? Why is it so bad that she has the baby overnight sometimes? My mom would LOVE it if she could keep my son overnight and take care of him more. Your sister should be bonding with her grandchild and helping his or her mother learn to properly care for him or her.
@bambo318 (19)
• United States
18 Feb 07
If your sister is willing to take her grandchild I think this is the best route. I don't think parenting classes are going to change the mother. I believe that for the benefit of the baby the best thing is to be with someone that can care and love her, such as the grandmother.
