Would you consider putting your baby up for adoption?

Think hard... - Will your child still be complete after the heart break?
Philippines
February 19, 2007 12:42am CST
I've heard of instances where parents had to put up their baby for adoption because of financial constraints. I created this discussion because I know someone who had to give her baby up because she couldn't pay for the child's milk and daily needs. She said that instead of letting the child suffer, she opted to give him up for adoption. Now before anything else, I have to give out the facts: She's a single mom without any parents to support her. The one who got her pregnant refuses to even acknowledge the child. (which I find so...!!!!) and she's been looking for a job to support herself and her child but has, up to now, been unsuccessful. What if you were in the same situation? Would you have done the same thing? If not, what other alternatives would you have chosen?
9 people like this
34 responses
• Philippines
19 Feb 07
as hard as might sound and it might be, i will never be putting my baby up for an adoption. i am the mother and i am the one responsible for the baby that's why i'll strive harder to support the baby even if i'll be on my own. i know that's it's gonne be rough but i just think that i'll get over it and it'll be harder to live each day knowing that i have given up on my baby just because i can't do anything for her and that i can't try anything else. i don't have anything against those that are into adoption, i just can't take and bare having to give my baby away, that's really sad and i won't be able to take it, also i love my baby and i would want her to be proud of me that no matter what i've shown her how much i was loving her by fighting for her.
@fianne (1057)
• United States
20 Feb 07
i agree with you, panicqueen... it is a hard decision, yes, but i will never have my child go for adoption. you will never experience the real essence of being a MOTHER when you give it away just because you dont have the necessities.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
23 Feb 07
I know... I don't think I can ever consider myself a real mother in all the essence of the word if I can't raise my own child... I'd definitely feel incomplete..
@ethanmama (1745)
• Philippines
19 Feb 07
In this situation, I believe she made her choice based on what she believed was best for her child. It must have been a heartbreaking decision for her. When I read your thread title, I was tempted to just answer NO, but reading about her situation made me reassess my stand. She probably did a lot of soul searching before deciding on this. It couldn't have been an easy choice.
2 people like this
• Philippines
23 Feb 07
It wasn't an easy choice for her... but she feels that this is the right way. I just hope that in time she can get her baby back... Or at least be allowed to see the child...
• United States
20 Feb 07
I think your friend did the right thing. It takes a very strong and loving mother to decide on adoption. It sounds like she did it strictly out of love to make sure her child was taken care of. More power to her. I hope she remembers that on the really hard days. I put my daughter up for adoption when she was 5. It's a tough decision to make and probably the best and worst experience of my life. I know though that I did what was my best for her. And on the hardest days I just have to remind myself it what was best for my child. Give your friend my best wishes and let her know she isn't alone. May she know that she is a great person for her decision.
2 people like this
• United States
19 Feb 07
Never. I don't think I could live with myself if I would give away my own child. I would try to be responsible for bringing him into this world. So through thick and thin, I'll be with my child.
• Australia
19 Feb 07
I guess if i was in that situation then i would probably do the same thing. I think it would be so hard to do and i think she is an excellent mum for realy putting the needs of her child 1st. I hope she realises that she has done a very good thing for her baby, i aslo hope that she is able to leave her details so that the child can contact her later in life. Give her big hugs and assure her she has done the right thing for her and the child, and i hope that things work out for her.
@speqter (131)
• Philippines
19 Feb 07
I would, if and only if I am unable to take care of him.
2 people like this
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
19 Feb 07
well, for me i will never want to get pregnant if i think i am not ready yet and cannot give a good life to the child... in fact, that's what i and my hubby is doing in the past... we restrict ourselves until both of us are ready financially and mentally to become parents... but i understand what you are saying... if it is an accident... but as hard as it might be, i will never put my baby for adoption... i will try my best to keep my baby...
2 people like this
@sharon613 (2321)
• United States
19 Feb 07
Never; you can burn me boil me do what ever but I would never put any of my kids up for adoption.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
23 Feb 07
=) Thank you for the post. I hope I don't get burned or boiled in the future... Lol... But kidding aside, I wouldn't either. I have a pretty supportive family... I wish I could extend my support to my friend as well... sigh.
@crazy_me (588)
• Philippines
19 Feb 07
I will never have a baby unless I am sure that I could support him/her. I do not want my baby to be adopted by anyone. I want my baby to grow up with me and know me as his/her mother. Your friend should have avoided getting herself pregnant, especially since she is not married to the guy. That is what usually happens in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship when the girl gets pregnant. The boyfriend abandons the girl. If I were your friend, I would just leave the baby temporarily in a church or an institution, and then get the baby back when I already have a job.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
23 Feb 07
I know, but it happened and she can't change the situation even if she wanted to... I think her baby will go to a relative of hers... At least, that way, she can still see the child... Thanks for sharing your opinion... =)
• India
19 Feb 07
I have never ever heard of such stuff. How can people put thier own chidren for adoption. Even the poor people who dont have anything to eat and feed thier kids would never ever wish to give thier kids to someone else.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
23 Feb 07
This happens my friend. There are poor people with children but you can see the state that they're in. Kids are allowed to wander in the alleys to find food or to beg... and this is why my friend chose to give up her child... Not for anything else but to see her baby grow up with a future....
@XxAngelxX (2830)
• Canada
19 Feb 07
I think she made a great choice although it would be so difficult and heartbreaking. If I were in the same situation, I hope I would have the courage to do this. It is so much better for the child, there is no need for any children out there to suffer needlessly. I can't say for sure that I would be able to do this, but I would hope I would be strong enough.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
23 Feb 07
I know.... =( sigh... I don't think I can ever be strong enough to do that... That's why I know my friend is trying her best to be strong.
• Canada
19 Feb 07
This is a tough situation for me. I'm 29 years old and was given up for adoption when I was 4 weeks old. My birth Mother said she couldn't keep me because her husband was in prison and he wasn't my Father. I've had a wonderful upbringing and a wonderful life. I really cannot complain, but there is a hole inside of me that can't be filled because I don't know where I came from or who I belong to. I've tried searching for my birth mother but sadly I had to come to the conclusion that she doesn't want to be found. When I was 15 I was raped by a man more than 10 years my senior. The result of that was a pregnancy that I was not prepapred for. I felt the only option at the time was abortion because I did not want this man's child inside me, and I was definitely not ready to be a mother. Why I chose abortion over the possibility of having the baby adopted I couldn't tell you. I was terrified of what the kids at school would say if they found out I was pregnant, not to mention what my parents would think, having gone through the court case with me to have the guy responsible locked up. This happened almost 14 years ago and still I carry round the guilt of having killed a child that should by any rights have been given a chance at life.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
23 Feb 07
This is really brave of you to share... I know things have been difficult for you. Whatever you did in the past shouldn't be taken against you. You did that because of the circumstances... I just hope, in the future, when you are ready to have a child, you can leave the guilt and start all over... I wish you luck my friend... Thanks for sharing a part of your life...
@ldlish (2)
• United States
19 Feb 07
I think that putting a baby up for adoption in this situation is a wonderful selfless act. I was born in a very poor town in my state and can only assume that my birth mother gave me up for similar reasons. I was adopted by a wonderful family who were able to provide everything I needed. I am thankful to my birth mother for giving me the life I have now. If she had kept me because it was too hard for her to let go, where would I be? I have also known other parents who adopted children from women who couldn't financially support them. They are all wonderful families. Tell her "Thank you" from me and all adopted children. It is selfless women like her that make our lives so great.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
23 Feb 07
This is such a positive remark... I'm sure my friend will feel a little better when she reads this. I'm actually going to send this discussion to her e-mail so she could read... Thanks so much for sharing... =)
@helpme901 (157)
• India
20 Feb 07
I don't see it is good to loose a child because of all these things. Life is hard. many moments comes in life when we don't have money to arrange our own needs. Then why don't we give up our own life? why child has to suffer because of your fault. he is so innocent. I have a niece and my whole family is going thru very hard time. But she is the only one who is able to bring smile on our face becaue of the childish thing that she do. so a child gives you strength to figth with life more bravely
1 person likes this
@DeborahWY (306)
• Singapore
20 Feb 07
I would never, never do it unless my health is failing me or I really have no means to support my child and giving him up meant he will have a better chance of survival and future. I am never against adoption - there are a few adoptions in my own family. My brother is adopted and his daughter is adopted too. I am glad to have my brother; he is not any different from my blood siblings and so is my niece. I loved her like my own daughter. She is so loved by everyone of us in the family and extended family. They are certainly given a better life because they were adopted into a family that is ready to receive them, bring them up, give them good upbringing and education, love and acceptance as well.
@kgwat70 (13388)
• United States
20 Feb 07
I would only put my child up for adoption if I had no means necessary to take care of the child. I would not want the child to suffer and would want him or her to be able to live a good and happy life. I would try and work two jobs if necessary and possible if I could but if all else fails then I would do this. Hopefully there will never come a time where I would need to do such a thing. It would be hard for the child growing up knowing that their real parents gave them up.
@thanmeir (141)
• Indonesia
20 Feb 07
i think dont be unresponsible parent, and dont be chicken, your baby is your blood, safe protect your baby
1 person likes this
• Philippines
20 Feb 07
No I could never give up my child even if i was in that situation..Yes it is hard but I will never give up..I will go to an institution where they help young mothers and she can ask them to care for her kid for awhile while she looks for a job..Finding a job is really hard but you have to keep trying..What I did in looking for a job is I passed my resume not only to one company but to most of the companies I know I am good at. and other than that I am under graduate...But now I am working at a call center as an account manager for almost 2 yrs and I have a basic pay of P26,000 not including other benefits..Giving up your kid is not the solution..As the saying goes if there's a will there's a way. Even if I was alone and jobless and penniless I will find a way..and I wouldn't give up that easily.
1 person likes this
• Canada
20 Feb 07
There is only one reason I would ever give up my son and or daughter for adoption and that is if I have no support from the family and dont have a part time job with good pay.. Other wise I would never give up my son and/or daughter...
1 person likes this
@Zelmarq (12585)
• Cebu City, Philippines
20 Feb 07
i dont think I'd be able to do that to my child....personally as the mother before getting into such complex situations I have to think of the pros and cons of having a baby and I have to be prepared beofre havin one. I cannot afford to lose my child and give it to other people.
1 person likes this