To my 299 mylot friends and you all, I am now a domestic violence survivor.

@mdilan (803)
United States
February 26, 2007 10:37pm CST
A few of you might have wondered about my absence. I am now a domestic violence survivor. My two babies and I stayed for two weeks at a shelter for abused women. I processed an injuction order against my husband and now I'm back home but things are not as easy as you may think. I will file for divorce pretty soon. You are probably saying to yourself: Why did she go back to her previous home? Well, it takes a long time to get up back on our feet. I cannot depend on other people who by courtesy offer their homes as a new shelter. My babies will keep suffering. Today is my first night and I don't know what is going to happen. I am a muslim hispanic woman who married a berber/arab muslim man. I can tell you by fact and by experience though that not all arab men are like this. I was a good wife and I am a tremendous mom, but it happened. Like I said, today is my first night to start a new life, to begin looking for a job, and to think about my babies,one 14 months old and the other one almost 4 months old. It is 11:33pm and I feel scared as you will never believe. Every little noise makes me shake, like if he is breaking into the apartment. Ok, well, I'm open to questions, it will help me as a therapy. Please, it doesn't matter what religion you are make a prayer for my babies and I. Thanks.
29 people like this
73 responses
• United States
27 Feb 07
Congratulations on having the courage to take this step. So many abused women stay in relationships too long, until they are critically injured or killed. Yes, you will have a long hard road ahead of you. May I suggest you take the time right now to start a journal of your feelings and why you decided to take this action. In the future, if you are tempted to go back to him, you can read your journal and remember the pain and humiliation you have suffered at his hands. I will say a prayer for you, stay strong.
4 people like this
@mdilan (803)
• United States
27 Feb 07
Thanks. I am actually thinking about writing a book more than just a journal. My Cuban grandfather (although I am Puerto Rican) wrote the book: "Island of the iguanas". You can see it at: www.biblio.com/books/45078007.html This is giving me an inspiration to write a book of my own too. Some people have said that I have lived and suffered more than a 60 year old person. No way I am getting back with him. I lost the love for him a long time ago.
3 people like this
@GardenGerty (116536)
• United States
27 Feb 07
Prayed for you now, and tomorrow as well. How brave you are! Sleep well, and may you feel the peace of God, or your Allah in your heart as you make this choice. Blessings.
@mdilan (803)
• United States
27 Feb 07
Hey, I have noticed you have answered to many of my discussions. Well, Allah is God in Arabic. It is the same God. I feel more comfortable saying it as Dios, in Spanish, my native language. Thank you so much for your wishes and Amen.
1 person likes this
@tammyr (5954)
• Etowah, Tennessee
28 Feb 07
May Dios bless you and your children. I will add you to my prayer list and will pray as soon as I submit this. I know what you have been through as my mother and my sister and i stayed in a shelter, and as an adult I got out of this type of horror as well. God will help those who pray for help.
1 person likes this
@resasour (378)
• United States
27 Feb 07
I think you are doing a wonderful thing for yourself and for your children. No one deserves to be abused. And especially by someone that has promised to cherish us and hold us dear, that is supposed to love us unconditionally. You took the hardest step. You will find that as each day goes by, your strength will grow to see you through yet another day. And it will get easier, over time. I understand your fear. I would be jumpy to, and afraid of every little thing I heard too..Especially for the first few weeks that you are there. If he does come around, don't open the door to him and call the police. Even if he is just standing around outside.. Don't take any chances. If you have friends or family close by, call them too if you become frightened or notice him hanging around outside. When you get ready to go to bed, turn out all the lights and peer out the windows to make sure he isn't out there before you lay down and go to sleep. Hopefully you have changed all the locks on the doors, and have all the windows locked, so that if he does get in, it is only by breaking in. If you see or hear anything suspicious go call someone right away. Even the police. Better to be paranoid about nothing, than to be too shaken up to think straight..Especially if you believe that he will try to contact you. Besides, if you have had the police out there a few times, and he sees this, it may make him think twice about coming around if he knows he isn't supposed to. Good Luck on finding a job. I will say a prayer for you and your babies, and ask God to keep you safe from him. Take Care
@patgalca (15636)
• Orangeville, Ontario
27 Feb 07
You have made a lot of good suggestions. Better safe than sorry.
1 person likes this
@mdilan (803)
• United States
27 Feb 07
Thanks! Although looking out side the window before going to bed doesn't convince me a lot, I'm scared to do that too.
@patgalca (15636)
• Orangeville, Ontario
27 Feb 07
Kudos to you! I was in an abusive marriage and I never had the strength to leave. He was the one that took off and never returned. I didn't realize how unhappy I was in my marriage until after he left. One thing I know for sure is that it wasn't my fault. PLEASE remember that! It was not your fault. That is so important in recovery. He is the one with the problem, not you. You did not deserve to be treated that way. You are one of God's children and deserve to be treated with respect as much as any other human being. I am glad you found the strength to walk out that door and I hope you will be able to rest easy soon. I do agree in what the other poster said about keeping a journal. It will be very therapeutic for you. As well you should keep track of everything that happens when you are in contact with him so that you have records for the police and/or lawyers. Good luck!
2 people like this
@mdilan (803)
• United States
27 Feb 07
Thanks!
@brendalee (6083)
• United States
27 Feb 07
I am glad you found a way out of your bad situation. The hardest part is over. I wish you the best of luck. I know you must be scared. I even get upset when I hear a noise and I don't have the problems that you have. Make sure everything is locked and keep the phone near you. This might be a good time to consider getting a dog, one that would protect you. Its going to be tough but you can do it. Just think of those beautiful babies that are depending on you. Be strong for them and take care of yourself.
2 people like this
@mdilan (803)
• United States
27 Feb 07
But I cannot get a dog when I am living in a small apartment, it can bit te babies. I'll make sure the phone is near me, thanks!
• United States
27 Feb 07
Hi there, I think I know you!!! Anyways, I'm sure it's very tough to experience what you're experiencing right now. Just trust in God who is the one that can give you peace. If you're the one I know, let me know. Also, let me know if there's anything I can help you with. Take care of yourself and your kids, and again.... remember God is your salvation to any problem. Keep up your faith!
1 person likes this
@mdilan (803)
• United States
28 Feb 07
Yes we know each other! This world is so small . I just sent you a letter. Thanks.
• United States
28 Feb 07
:-) Me imaginaba que eras tu!!! Donde dejaste un letter? Sorry, I'm new to this stuff and I don't know where to find comments.
@creationhub (3070)
• Malaysia
27 Feb 07
I pray that God will keep you confident in the times to come. I pray for strength and courage for you. May God's hands be covering your little ones. He shall be a shield around you.
@mdilan (803)
• United States
27 Feb 07
Amen.
@LeeLow (116)
• Ireland
27 Feb 07
Is he in the house with you? i'm sorry to here about all this. You should really go and file for divorce... but i guess thats easy to say coming from a complete stranger. I really hope things work out for you and your children. Your being really strong and i'll make sure to say a prayer.
1 person likes this
@mdilan (803)
• United States
27 Feb 07
No, he cannot come any closer than 500 feet to my home or 100 feet to the car when outside. I wanted to hire a lwyer, but they are charging 3500 to start. I called the legal aid line and anattorney called me. He said to submit the divorce papers and if he denies to get divorced then I call him back. Thanks for your prayer.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 Feb 07
I commend you for having the courage to leave the life of abuse. So many abused wives still stay with their husbands because "she still loves him" or "he's kind when (what, not intoxicated or high?)" or "for the children." My mother once told me, it is healthier for children to live with divorced parents than to have both parents together with the other one abusing the other. Or just even fighting all the time. Harmony in the home is important. I will pray for you and your children and will look forward to your book. God is with you!
@emeraldisle (13145)
• United States
27 Feb 07
You deserve a lot of credit for your stregnth and courage. I know that what you did was not easy and that the road ahead is very bumpy but I am sure you will manage. You have a lot to draw on inside and judging by the responses here a lot of people rooting for you and praying. You are doing the right thing for you and for your babies. Just take each day at a time. Check into the support groups in your area. Some might be able to help with finding a job, child care, therapy and maybe even a lawyer who will help. Try to stay safe. Keep the phone with you. If you have any friends who can stay with you for a while that might help at least at first so you aren't as stressed or as frightened. Things will get better but it will take a bit of time. You'll be in my thoughts.
1 person likes this
@thyst07 (2091)
• United States
27 Feb 07
I am very sorry to hear that you are yet another victim of domestic violence. I'm also glad to hear that you are taking steps to get yourself out of the situation. Many women don't. Your story points out to us that this can happen to anyone- it doesn't matter what race or religion you are, or whether or not you're a good person. It just happens, and it happens without warning. It's a horrible injustice that affects all women of all walks of life. I would encourage you to get involved in some kind of organization that fights domestic violence and helps other victims similar to you. Helping others out of the same situation you've experienced can be very therapeutic. You also have the perspective of a person who's "been there," and may be more equipped to help other victims. Volunteering at the shelter that housed you might be an option. I would like to tell you also that it's stories like yours that fuel my passion- I am a sociology/women's studies major, and I intend to pursue a career in some kind of organization against domestic violence. I want the violence to stop. May Allah/God grant you the peace and strength to grow from this experience, and the compassion to help others.
1 person likes this
@tarrysai (16)
27 Feb 07
I'm really sorry to hear about what you are going through. I'm so glad you are getting out of the situation. I work in outpatients and i see some patients that I realise are in an abusive situation but they are not willing to discuss it or change and it's very frustrating and worrying. Good luck with a new future you are starting
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Feb 07
Wow...I must commend your bravery and strenght. I also am a survivor, so I know how difficult it must be for you right now. The god news is that it will get easier. Just take it day to day or minute to minute if you have to, to cope. I also believe that it would be in your best interest to have some kind of support system to rely on. For me, it was a lifesaver because whenever I was afraid or needed to talk I had someone there. Think about it. I will definetly pray for you and your children, and if you need anything that I could help you with just reach out....I'm always available & I love to chat! Peace and Hope
1 person likes this
@wendy82 (437)
• United States
27 Feb 07
At least you are doing the right things and getting out of it now instead of waiting till it was worser. I know the feeling because i went through physical and mental abuse. You will be fine and you are going to be a great mother to your kids. You have to do what is right for u and the kids. Mainly for the kids because they are your main priority and you have to make sure that they are safe and well taking care of. I wish you the best on getting a job and supporting your family.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Feb 07
many prayers sent to you from my family.. you are a survivor.. you are a strong woman.. and your always going to be a hero to your children.. i've been in your situtation.. i was divorced from my first marriage.. within 8 months.. and i am so greatful.. you'll be stronger for doing this.. although sometimes you'll be afraid.. and probably always look over your shoulder.. just remember.. you've made a safer place for your babies.. and there's nothing better in the world than that.. may you be blessed in your future.. and may you find happiness no matter what you do in your life..
@kgwat70 (13395)
• United States
27 Feb 07
i am sorry that you and your babies had to go through this and that your husband has been physically abusing you. I am glad that you survived and that you are on your way to starting a new and better life with your kids and getting away from your awful husband. It is terrible when a man treats a woman like that. It also hurts the children as well. Hopefully you will find a good job and be able to have a good life with your children. I know it is going to be hard to explain to your children about their dad. I am definitely saying a prayer for you and your kids.
@lynninky (491)
• United States
27 Feb 07
i will pray for your family..i think the laws should be a eye for and eye. the law should take someone bigger than him put them in the same room and let him be abused. most that like to give it sure can't take it.i am glad you got out in time... all of us have to worry about women we know that are bring abused. for the ones that try to stay we have the fear that they will snap one day. it only takes once to strike back with unknown force.where it comes from is inside a batter person and can result in defencive murder.... so many women are going to jail today for defending themself...even the ones that have been batten to the point that they know it is kill before they kill me... killing is wrong but protecting yourself should be your right....
1 person likes this
@cutepenguin (6448)
• Canada
27 Feb 07
You and your children are in my thoughts. You are very brave to be doing this, and your and your children's lives will be better in the long run. Do you have an alarm system? If not, you could jam chairs (at an angle) under the door knobs so that the doors cannot be opened.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Feb 07
You are very brave and courageous for doing this. I wish that I could be as brave as you are. Maybe one day I will leave to. Just to let you know...he isn't physically abusive, but he is emotionally and mentally. You will do alright once you get a restraining order on him as well. This is definitely something that you may want to pursue because you just never know what he could be capable of. Just try to stay as safe as possible, and, if he returns, then call the police. Take care of yourself and those babies!!!
• United States
27 Feb 07
i hope and pray he stays far far away from you and your babies!! kids dont need to see that, and the woman doesnt need or deserve that. yes it is hard to go to someone elses house and stay there for awhile and its no place to raise kids in a shelter. all i can say is stay at someones house while you work for awhile, and save every penny, look for a cheap, but descent place to live and raise your kids. it will be hard, but you seem like a strong woman and i know you can get through this. if your husband comes back just call the police, and they can take him away and put him in jail for the night. but at least that is a night you can sleep, and not fear.
1 person likes this